help - how do to politely ease out of doing too much for other parents

[Anonymous]

I am the PP who posted about my neighbor. We altered our plans - we no longer went outside at the time he’d be driving home with the kids from daycare. The more you do, the more folks will take advantage, more weekends away, more not being around for their kids.

[Anonymous]

Limit your interactions and availability or simply say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trade in your minivan for a Honda accord.
Tada… no more space for other kids.

People still ask. We got a dog and put a dog car seat in one spot so we cannot take more kids.

OMG! How funny -- HA!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No is a complete sentence.

Or say "Sorry, work has really picked up and I'm not as free as I used to be to help out here."

This! That will take the sting out of your suddenly saying No. And in a month or two, when people are more used to hearing you saying No, you can shorten to "Sorry, I can't this time."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.

I am talking about one family in particular. I generally have an issue about saying No to people, it stems from some dark experiences in my past, I won't go into detail, but basically I am sort of conditioned to please people or think something bad will happen to me or the people I love. I think some people sense my weakness and even though they see I too have a full time job and 3 kids - they still treat me like someone who has all the time in the world to spare and help out, when in fact we are juggling similar demands. It is something I am trying to address, but it is difficult - I can't quite shake this fear that I will set into motion something bad by saying no.

First, I am sorry that you are having these feeling. I would definitely 100% put a stop to people inviting their kids over for a sleepover. If any of your kids are elementary or younger, it is TOO much. Wayyy too much. The kids don't sleep well and are a-holes the next day. Literally just say that you can't it is too much. All parents already know this. We really restricted sleepovers when the kids were young because of how disruptive it was. This doesn't need much explanation.

Beyond that I'd echo what everyone has said. Say your work schedule is less flexible and with scheduling for three kids, you do not have the bandwidth. This is literally true. I am impressed you work FT and never need help with your kids. We have some families where we would help each other out when the kids were younger. It was mutual though and usually only when one family was in a tight circumstance. Even then would have averaged out to less than once a month or so.

No is too abrupt, and making up an elaborate excuse gets too close too lying. I think just making a factually true statement should be fine for your karma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be fully frank, this is mostly all my fault. I was have allowed too much room for other parents to step in and "take advantage" of my kindness. I put it in quotes because I feel like it was my mostly my fault, so I don't blame them. However, I would like to reset the relatioship and somehow gently ease out of being the default "i am running late, can you grab my kids", or "i have to go in early, can i drop my kids of at your house for an hour before school", or "since you are goint to the pool/mall can by daughter tag along", "i have to work late/going out of town - can my daughter sleep over" for over 24 hr sleepover! this happens 3 to 4 times a week. I am not exaggerating. Help me, how do I slip out of this? They know i am generally available and are somewhat familiar with my schedule, i do work full time so i do have to drive to the office, but on a relatively flexible schedule. I am sick of it because i have 3 kids and adding 2 more, albeit wonderful ones, is a lot of work and throws off the dynamic with my own children - especially since it is soooo often. Help me please!

"No" is a complete sentence and needs no explanation.