help - how do to politely ease out of doing too much for other parents
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Anonymous
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OP here again.
I am talking about one family in particular. I generally have an issue about saying No to people, it stems from some dark experiences in my past, I won't go into detail, but basically I am sort of conditioned to please people or think something bad will happen to me or the people I love. I think some people sense my weakness and even though they see I too have a full time job and 3 kids - they still treat me like someone who has all the time in the world to spare and help out, when in fact we are juggling similar demands. It is something I am trying to address, but it is difficult - I can't quite shake this fear that I will set into motion something bad by saying no. |
Anonymous
Worst case they stop talking to you but then they were not your friends anyway. They should be offering help to you to make up for it. I hated saying no but I had one family want me to watch their three kids a few evenings a week. I did it a few times after another neighbor couldn’t but it got to be way to much and I had to learn to say no. People will use you if you dont set boundaries. Just say, I’m sorry I’m not able to help. Have a great xxx. |
Anonymous
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“I’m sorry I can’t.” Via Text!
NO additional information or they’ll worm their way in. They are the jerks not you. They’re taking advantage of your kindness. |
Anonymous
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OP either you start to do less, or they start to do more. (Or both.)
Think about ways that they could be doing more for you. What could you be asking them for that you haven't asked them for yet? |
Anonymous
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That’s really unusual.
It’s wonderful to be able to help people in a bind or even a bad period, like a divorce or sick parents or whatever. But I think it’s really unusual for normal people to abuse that and you’re going to have to put your foot down. I don’t think it’s a good idea to lie about work. Just say no or don’t respond. |
Anonymous
| I had this issue come up with two families, neither of which was a single-parent household or was dealing with a health issue or any other temporary disruption or difficulty. Like you, OP, I had a flexible job situation, but having another kid to pick up/drop off meant more time in the car and less time for me to hear my kids debrief from school or practice. I learned to say no without offering any explanation. At most I said, "I'm sorry -- that won't work." I spoke in a friendly tone of voice and with a smile. After a couple of times when they pushed back, they got the message and stopped asking. They were not unfriendly or unpleasant about it. |
Anonymous
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Trade in your minivan for a Honda accord.
Tada… no more space for other kids. |
Anonymous
You need to think about the example you're setting for your children. Do you want them to grow up to become doormats too? If not, lead by example. The more you say no the better you'll get at it. You're not a child anymore - time to stop thinking if you step on a crack you'll break your mother's back - so it's time to be like everyone else with a backbone and say no when you need (want) to. |
Anonymous
People still ask. We got a dog and put a dog car seat in one spot so we cannot take more kids. 
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Anonymous
| If they are constantly taking advantage of you then they aren't good friends and I wouldn't worry about them being mad. |
Anonymous
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If one family is asking you for favors multiple
Times a week, they really aren’t your friends. What do you think worse case scenario is here if you say “no?” |
Anonymous
| Since your daughter doesn’t like them anyway, I would just accept that saying no is going to be the end of the relationship and be fine with it. Most people aren’t such users. |