What it means to be a woman or a man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Becoming a mom made me feel differently about the difference between men and women. I used to have more progressive attitudes about it, and in many ways I still do -- I think people should be allowed to express gender however they want, I don't care how people dress or present themselves. But I feel more connected to womanhood having gone through pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding. I know it's unpopular to say that. I don't think women have to become moms and I'm not anti-trans. But I can only speak for myself here. Going through that made me feel like my womanhood is an essential part of who I am in a way I didn't before. And it also made me feel connected to other women due to our shared biology in a way I didn't used to. Not just other mothers but anyone who shares my reproductive anatomy. So yes, that would mean I feel more connected to trans men than trans women.

Only sharing this here because it's anonymous. I feel like if I say this anywhere else, I'll get labeled anti-trans or MAGA (very much not). But it's how I really feel.

That’s honest, but can you push back on your thinking? How would you feel emotionally closer to a trans man with a beard who hadn’t given birth, over a trans woman who understands sexism at work and is in your book club gushing about the hot lead you loved too?

I might have more in common with the trans woman in terms of interests and personality, but I don't think interests and personality are what make me a women. I share many interests with men, too. That doesn't make me a man.

The trans man and I share something physical and (this came as a surprise to me) essential to who we are. Not just childbirth - just having female anatomy and the burdens and experiences that come with it. It connects us in a way that I cannot be connected to a trans woman. I think about what it is to be a pubescent girl, get your first period, deal with developing breasts. These are formative experiences no matter how you dress, whether you choose to have kids, who you marry, etc. I just feel that connection.

As for sexism in the workplace, I may think about this differently because I was once sexually harassed by another woman at work. It altered how I think about it -- it's way more about power dynamics than gender (or sex). Traditionally women have always been harassed more because cultural power dynamics disadvantage women. But women are capable of harassing and, when in positions of power and authority, no less likely to abuse it. So I just don't see that as a "female" experience. There are men who have been harassed in the workplace (more often by other men but perhaps also by women if the power dynamics allow it).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Becoming a mom made me feel differently about the difference between men and women. I used to have more progressive attitudes about it, and in many ways I still do -- I think people should be allowed to express gender however they want, I don't care how people dress or present themselves. But I feel more connected to womanhood having gone through pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding. I know it's unpopular to say that. I don't think women have to become moms and I'm not anti-trans. But I can only speak for myself here. Going through that made me feel like my womanhood is an essential part of who I am in a way I didn't before. And it also made me feel connected to other women due to our shared biology in a way I didn't used to. Not just other mothers but anyone who shares my reproductive anatomy. So yes, that would mean I feel more connected to trans men than trans women.

Only sharing this here because it's anonymous. I feel like if I say this anywhere else, I'll get labeled anti-trans or MAGA (very much not). But it's how I really feel.

That’s honest, but can you push back on your thinking? How would you feel emotionally closer to a trans man with a beard who hadn’t given birth, over a trans woman who understands sexism at work and is in your book club gushing about the hot lead you loved too?

I think it’s weird to only view people from gender lense.
What about just being good humans?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Becoming a mom made me feel differently about the difference between men and women. I used to have more progressive attitudes about it, and in many ways I still do -- I think people should be allowed to express gender however they want, I don't care how people dress or present themselves. But I feel more connected to womanhood having gone through pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding. I know it's unpopular to say that. I don't think women have to become moms and I'm not anti-trans. But I can only speak for myself here. Going through that made me feel like my womanhood is an essential part of who I am in a way I didn't before. And it also made me feel connected to other women due to our shared biology in a way I didn't used to. Not just other mothers but anyone who shares my reproductive anatomy. So yes, that would mean I feel more connected to trans men than trans women.

Only sharing this here because it's anonymous. I feel like if I say this anywhere else, I'll get labeled anti-trans or MAGA (very much not). But it's how I really feel.

But I'll push back in this a bit because biological motherhood isn't womanhood. My sister is a cis woman who has no interest in motherhood. And my aunt who adopted her children isn't less of a woman for it either. So I am uncomfortable linking those specific biological processes to the definition of womanhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Becoming a mom made me feel differently about the difference between men and women. I used to have more progressive attitudes about it, and in many ways I still do -- I think people should be allowed to express gender however they want, I don't care how people dress or present themselves. But I feel more connected to womanhood having gone through pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding. I know it's unpopular to say that. I don't think women have to become moms and I'm not anti-trans. But I can only speak for myself here. Going through that made me feel like my womanhood is an essential part of who I am in a way I didn't before. And it also made me feel connected to other women due to our shared biology in a way I didn't used to. Not just other mothers but anyone who shares my reproductive anatomy. So yes, that would mean I feel more connected to trans men than trans women.

Only sharing this here because it's anonymous. I feel like if I say this anywhere else, I'll get labeled anti-trans or MAGA (very much not). But it's how I really feel.

But I'll push back in this a bit because biological motherhood isn't womanhood. My sister is a cis woman who has no interest in motherhood. And my aunt who adopted her children isn't less of a woman for it either. So I am uncomfortable linking those specific biological processes to the definition of womanhood.

PP here. I don't think you have to be a mom, or give birth to a child, to be a woman. But I realized that our shared anatomy is more important to me than I realized. I also became more aggressively pro-choice after having a baby, specifically because I recognize that no one should be forced to go through it. I don't look at women who don't have kids, or women who adopt, as less of a woman than me. I just feel more connected to people who have female anatomy because I realized how much it influences who I am as a person.

There are other ways to have shared experiences. I am connected to other people in other ways. But OP asked what it means to be a man or a woman. I learned that being biological woman, with female anatomy, was more meaningful to me than I originally thought, or than is considered politically okay to believe these days.