What it means to be a woman or a man

[Anonymous]

No idea. I'm 58, female, and have never felt girly. If I were a teen today, with all the open discussion and the variety of genders, I might feel agender. I have no strong gender identification at all. I'm just me.

But I have female friends who feel girly to their cores. There is no question for them. My son feels super masculine. No question for him either. I marvel at how people feel this so deeply.

And for that reason, whatever gender you identify with is cool with me.

[Anonymous]

Sex is determined at the time of conception. It is biological and is determined by what chromosomes are in the sperm. That determines whether one is male or female.

Gender is a social construct about what it means to be a boy or girl or a man or a woman. No one really knows what this is anymore as everyone defines it for themselves. There is no shared definition or understanding and no shared experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My trans daughter wore her sister’s dresses as soon as she could dress herself. She secretly applied makeup by the time she was 10. She tried hard to conform to biological gender norms in middle and high school, playing football, dating girls, etc. She came out to us in college and began medically transitioning shortly thereafter. She is a smart person and knows she is not a biological woman. She understands chromosomes. But her whole life she’s known that her true desire is to present as a feminine gender. And that is a completely different thing than her sexual preferences.

For my trans daughter, it’s about the outside matching the inside, and she just could not tolerate presenting to the world (and being treated as) a male person. Hope this helps someone.

There are many gay men, cross dressers, drag queens, autogynephiles etc who are all men into dresses and make up. And many women who don’t ever wear dresses and have never worn make up. A boy can like dresses or make up or pink and a girl can like cars and pants and blue. It means nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My trans daughter wore her sister’s dresses as soon as she could dress herself. She secretly applied makeup by the time she was 10. She tried hard to conform to biological gender norms in middle and high school, playing football, dating girls, etc. She came out to us in college and began medically transitioning shortly thereafter. She is a smart person and knows she is not a biological woman. She understands chromosomes. But her whole life she’s known that her true desire is to present as a feminine gender. And that is a completely different thing than her sexual preferences.

For my trans daughter, it’s about the outside matching the inside, and she just could not tolerate presenting to the world (and being treated as) a male person. Hope this helps someone.

Is she HSTS or AGP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It means on a genetic level, whether you are x or xy, which practically determines your hormones and brain. There are exceptions such as xxy but not in a statistically significant way.

There are more intersex people than redheads, so I'm not sure where you're drawing the line foe "statistically significant," which is a strange basis for deciding how to treat people in any case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It means on a genetic level, whether you are x or xy, which practically determines your hormones and brain. There are exceptions such as xxy but not in a statistically significant way.

There are more intersex people than redheads, so I'm not sure where you're drawing the line foe "statistically significant," which is a strange basis for deciding how to treat people in any case.

This, I took genetics in college and you lwarn pretty quickly the XX/XY distinction isn't always that clean.

Male and female isn't also man and woman. Sex isn't gender, gender expression doesn't have to match either. Just let people be themselves. I don't see how it's skin off anyone's nose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No idea. I'm 58, female, and have never felt girly. If I were a teen today, with all the open discussion and the variety of genders, I might feel agender. I have no strong gender identification at all. I'm just me.

But I have female friends who feel girly to their cores. There is no question for them. My son feels super masculine. No question for him either. I marvel at how people feel this so deeply.

And for that reason, whatever gender you identify with is cool with me.

57 yo female here.

Ditto!

Sometime the expectation to dress “girly” bothers me, it definitely bothered me as a young person.

There are more choices now. I’m guessing I’m a “they” but there was no knowledge of that growing up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No idea. I'm 58, female, and have never felt girly. If I were a teen today, with all the open discussion and the variety of genders, I might feel agender. I have no strong gender identification at all. I'm just me.

But I have female friends who feel girly to their cores. There is no question for them. My son feels super masculine. No question for him either. I marvel at how people feel this so deeply.

And for that reason, whatever gender you identify with is cool with me.

57 yo female here.

Ditto!

Sometime the expectation to dress “girly” bothers me, it definitely bothered me as a young person.

There are more choices now. I’m guessing I’m a “they” but there was no knowledge of that growing up.

I'm 37, I'm not as much traditionally girly, but I don't view that personally as me being less of a "her", my version of being a woman is just as legitimate as some extremely feminine expression of being a woman.

But I acknowledge that's also my view and my choice and I don't discount anyone who feels differently. Just asserting that I don't think I have to conform to whatever little box they sort stereotypes into for me to be a woman.

[Anonymous]

Being a woman really cannot be defined.

[Anonymous]

My trans daughter isn't particularly girly but she wasn't particularly boyish, either. She knows she isn't "they" or "asexual" though, she feels she is female, so she's taking female hormones and male hormone blockers and legally changed her gender and name. She's happier than she was before. I don't see why anyone else cares, really. I don't see how it makes any difference to anyone else what her name is or how she identifies or which bathroom she uses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It means on a genetic level, whether you are x or xy, which practically determines your hormones and brain. There are exceptions such as xxy but not in a statistically significant way.

There are more intersex people than redheads, so I'm not sure where you're drawing the line foe "statistically significant," which is a strange basis for deciding how to treat people in any case.

Do you treat people differently based on their hair color?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it doesn't matter. Meet people where they are.

This is how I feel and what I teach my kids. I tell them how it usually goes and I tell them that we take other people at their word. If you feel like you do t fit the mold, it’s not our business to argue the point.

This. It doesn't cost you to be kind.

I have a friend who is trans and honestly the most important thing that happened around my friend transitioning was that he went from being suicidal to being not suicidal. More than anything I just want my friend to be happy.

Of course, having access to the most advanced health care would make 90% of the planet happy, except transgender Americans.

[Anonymous]

Becoming a mom made me feel differently about the difference between men and women. I used to have more progressive attitudes about it, and in many ways I still do -- I think people should be allowed to express gender however they want, I don't care how people dress or present themselves. But I feel more connected to womanhood having gone through pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding. I know it's unpopular to say that. I don't think women have to become moms and I'm not anti-trans. But I can only speak for myself here. Going through that made me feel like my womanhood is an essential part of who I am in a way I didn't before. And it also made me feel connected to other women due to our shared biology in a way I didn't used to. Not just other mothers but anyone who shares my reproductive anatomy. So yes, that would mean I feel more connected to trans men than trans women.

Only sharing this here because it's anonymous. I feel like if I say this anywhere else, I'll get labeled anti-trans or MAGA (very much not). But it's how I really feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Becoming a mom made me feel differently about the difference between men and women. I used to have more progressive attitudes about it, and in many ways I still do -- I think people should be allowed to express gender however they want, I don't care how people dress or present themselves. But I feel more connected to womanhood having gone through pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding. I know it's unpopular to say that. I don't think women have to become moms and I'm not anti-trans. But I can only speak for myself here. Going through that made me feel like my womanhood is an essential part of who I am in a way I didn't before. And it also made me feel connected to other women due to our shared biology in a way I didn't used to. Not just other mothers but anyone who shares my reproductive anatomy. So yes, that would mean I feel more connected to trans men than trans women.

Only sharing this here because it's anonymous. I feel like if I say this anywhere else, I'll get labeled anti-trans or MAGA (very much not). But it's how I really feel.

A lot of people object to the term "pregnant people" because "men can't get pregnant." I agree with that, it seems silly to identify as a man but at the same time be pregnant--if you are having a kid, you're doing something fundamentally female. But there are biological women who identify as they, gender neutral, non-binary, etc., who for whatever reason (probably all of the same reasons as women) get pregnant. They are the people who are covered by the term "pregnant people" because they don't identify as "women." So the term doesn't bother me because I don't think its accomodating men who are getting pregnant, as much as the right wing bloggers might like to hype up one or two cases. I think its actually a gracious way to acknowledge that there are a lot of people who are becoming parents while not strongly identifying as female, and its not hard to refer to them as "people" and "parents".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Becoming a mom made me feel differently about the difference between men and women. I used to have more progressive attitudes about it, and in many ways I still do -- I think people should be allowed to express gender however they want, I don't care how people dress or present themselves. But I feel more connected to womanhood having gone through pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding. I know it's unpopular to say that. I don't think women have to become moms and I'm not anti-trans. But I can only speak for myself here. Going through that made me feel like my womanhood is an essential part of who I am in a way I didn't before. And it also made me feel connected to other women due to our shared biology in a way I didn't used to. Not just other mothers but anyone who shares my reproductive anatomy. So yes, that would mean I feel more connected to trans men than trans women.

Only sharing this here because it's anonymous. I feel like if I say this anywhere else, I'll get labeled anti-trans or MAGA (very much not). But it's how I really feel.

That’s honest, but can you push back on your thinking? How would you feel emotionally closer to a trans man with a beard who hadn’t given birth, over a trans woman who understands sexism at work and is in your book club gushing about the hot lead you loved too?