What it means to be a woman or a man

[Anonymous]

I'm a millenial and have a teenager so over the years there have been many discussions about gender. Concepts that I previously knew nothing about - fluid transitions from female to male to unlabeled, pansexual, polyamourous, etc.

If you ask my active-duty husband, being a man is wearing masculine colors and acting a certain way. Very surface-level stuff.

It got me to thinking what do other people think about what makes you one gender vs the other?

[Anonymous]

What does polyamorous have to do with it?

[Anonymous]

How old are you? I'm 39 and these concepts were talked about in my 20s. So was the breaking apart of gender norms and all that. Are you and your husband from more conservative backgrounds?

[Anonymous]

I think it doesn't matter. Meet people where they are.

[Anonymous]

I think it's a lot more biological than we currently want to admit. And I think our environment is a lot unhealthier than we want to admit and directly affects this, more for some people than others.

[Anonymous]

I'm a biologist.

Gender means which set of chromosomes you have. Some humans are born with missing or extra sex chromosomes, which lead to the disease syndromes of Klinefelter and Turner. Some have clinical presentations that do not neatly fit into the standard XY or XX (the subject of the movie Conclave).

The sexual preferences that humans develop regarding their partners, and the sexual identities they create for themselves, are an expression of their human brains that have yet to be linked with a genetic or molecular profile.

In my view, you can be a man if you are chromosomally a man and if you embrace that identity. Same for a woman. But if your body is somewhere between the two, or if your body is one set of chromosomes but your brain embraces another identity, then basic respect for the human involved entails accepting their chosen identity.

As for social behaviors, hey, there are all kinds out there. You don't need to be a strong authoritarian provider if you're a man, or a weak submissive caregiver if you're a woman.
You can live whatever life you want with the people you want.

[Anonymous]

Does it really have to mean anything? I like what I like. I act how I want to act. It’s mostly traditionally female, as I was born female. I don’t worry too much about my identity. Maybe not everyone has this luxury.

[Anonymous]

A woman can be anywhere from frilly dress and lipstick to steel toe boots and power tools.
So can a man.

Literally the only thing that defines a man or woman is biology. Everything else is a construct.

I believe there are some biological aspects of being a man or woman that translate into roles like “mother” and “father”. But there is no one correct way to be a mother or a father. I do think mothers and fathers tend to provide different things and kids need both.

[Anonymous]

I was born in the 70s and have always identified as a woman.

However, I don't think it makes sense to firmly aver that there are any specific number of sexes (or genders), let alone only two.

Because I think that, I also don't spend any time trying to figure out how to draw a line between two mutually exclusive categories.

It frees up mental space.

[Anonymous]

It means on a genetic level, whether you are x or xy, which practically determines your hormones and brain. There are exceptions such as xxy but not in a statistically significant way.

[Anonymous]

I don't like the definition of "gender".

I'm a hetero woman, but I have some "manly" tendencies.

My sister teases me for liking "manly" comfortable shoes. I do wear high heels on special occasions, but otherwise, they hurt my feet so I wear comfy ugly shoes that look "manly".

I like don't like wearing dresses. But, I do wear makeup.

I channel surf like crazy. So much so that DH and I no longer watch tv together.

I like scifi, horror and action flicks. Romcoms aren't my thing, but I do like some period movies, mainly because I like history.

I deal with all of the finances, taxes. DH deals with the car and home repairs. I'm a bit bossy, assertive, and controlling.

DH likes to cook; I hate it. He is tall, with long limbs, but with a thin frame, and not muscular. Sometimes his mannerism comes off as feminine because of it. But he is not gay (I know 100%).

I don't consider myself gender fluid. I'm a woman, a wife and mother. I just happen to have some "manly" traits.

[Anonymous]

I'm a cis straight woman and I agree that a lot of gender is a social construct. Silly stuff like "manly" or "girly" drinks, clothes, liking sports, liking certain TV shows, it's all just artifice and peer pressure.

I have a little boy who loves boy things but will happily go along and play princesses with little girls his age. He cares more about making them happy than he does gender expression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a biologist.

Gender means which set of chromosomes you have. Some humans are born with missing or extra sex chromosomes, which lead to the disease syndromes of Klinefelter and Turner. Some have clinical presentations that do not neatly fit into the standard XY or XX (the subject of the movie Conclave).

The sexual preferences that humans develop regarding their partners, and the sexual identities they create for themselves, are an expression of their human brains that have yet to be linked with a genetic or molecular profile.

In my view, you can be a man if you are chromosomally a man and if you embrace that identity. Same for a woman. But if your body is somewhere between the two, or if your body is one set of chromosomes but your brain embraces another identity, then basic respect for the human involved entails accepting their chosen identity.

As for social behaviors, hey, there are all kinds out there. You don't need to be a strong authoritarian provider if you're a man, or a weak submissive caregiver if you're a woman.
You can live whatever life you want with the people you want.

fwiw I thought sex means the chromosomes along with physical development and actual hormone response/sensitivity so male, female, and various intersex conditions.

But regardless of terms, I think OP is asking what the identity itself (what the brain does) regards as maleness or femaleness. I *think* for trans people (and for intersex people who chose a gender they consider their identity) there is a concept of what the gender they identify with means, not just selecting a box. But I don't know for sure, maybe for some it is nothing more than an aversion to their own sex characteristics (which is why conservatives think it is a mental illness just like anorexia which I do not accept). Like presentation in terms of clothes, makeup and jewelry for a trans female--how much is a desire to embody a gender model the brain has and how much is to make sure other people regard them as that gender?

[Anonymous]

I am a woman but I’m super into lifting weights, sweating during a workout, and couldn’t care less about getting my nails done or fancy clothes or anything typically “feminine”. But I’m a woman.

I have a cousin who is a butch lesbian, but she’s solidly a woman.

[Anonymous]

A lot of it is socially determined and changes according to beliefs and styles of the time. For instance, the ideal of a woman being a "clinging vine" on a strong tree (man) during the Victorian era or Rosie the Riveter during WWII. Or body modification/mutilation in other cultures and ours.

The older I get the less difference I see between men and women. I think so much of how we behave is so that we fit in to society. It's hard to know who we really are and what we really feel in our core selves.