DS doesn’t want to marry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids and their friends are all like this. I suspect it's this generation's rebellion topic, along with fluid sexual identity. They declare don't want kids either. It's so weird to me, because I've always wanted kids and a family.

But I know that right now if I make any sort of comments, they will just become more oppositional about it

So sit tight and wait for this phase to pass, OP.

This seems to indicate something rigid in you.

Do you know any 15 year old boys? Hopefully they aren’t clamoring for marriage. Some answer was given in my 1980s health class by a majority of boys. Most are married or were married.

So anything that doesn't dovetail with your life experience is "rigid"? I have a 20 yo son and a 15 yo daughter. I was merely expecting them to not have any opinions on marriage. Not to say "I don't want kids and won't marry". There's a difference between keeping fuzzy notions to oneself as a teen and declaring something.

This is why I conclude that such announcements are this generation's attempt at getting a rise out of their elders. In my day, teens riled up their parents by wearing grungy clothes and smoking. They had no particular opinions on marriage and kids. I didn't voice my opinion out loud either - I just knew it was one of the goals in my life.

If you are PP, you literally wrote

"It's so weird to me, because I've always wanted kids and a family"

It seems that thinking something is weird because it "doesn't dovetail with your life experience" is something you were doing.

[Anonymous]

Why should he want to marry at 16? Isn't that a normal thought for a 16 yr old kid who has never been in a romantic relationship?

[Anonymous]

He's probably witnessed too much dysfunction and unhappiness between you and your spouse to never want to get married.

[Anonymous]

Good news is that he won’t have a relationship distracting him from focusing on academics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's probably witnessed too much dysfunction and unhappiness between you and your spouse to never want to get married.

+1000 This. He doesn't want to repeat the same mistakes.

OP leave him alone, he's fine. Stop trying to control him.

[Anonymous]

I didn't want kids when I was 16. Do many kids want that stuff when they're that young? It comes later.

[Anonymous]

He is saying that to get you off his back

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS (16) has recently expressed that he doesn’t want to ever get in a relationship or get married. This is deeply disturbing. Should I put him in therapy?

What is wrong with you, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS (16) has recently expressed that he doesn’t want to ever get in a relationship or get married. This is deeply disturbing. Should I put him in therapy?

The therapist is not going to convince him to marry. It's more likely they'd encourage him to explore alternative sexuality and gender.

[Anonymous]

My kid once told me he didn’t want to go to college. His reason—he didn’t want to move away from me. LOL. I told him he could commute to college and he was content with that answer. Today, that little boy is a physician and was in school longer than we could have imagined,

[Anonymous]

He’s 16 and probably his only example of teen dating are the dramatic couples that try to control each other so it probably isn’t very appealing to him.

[Anonymous]

Does he listen to or watch incel content? Is he disrespectful towards women? Did he make this comment in a hateful or disrespectful way? If so, I’d be concerned about this comment.

If not, he’s 16 and doesn’t know what he wants in life yet. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Don't sweat it. Simply tell your child you love him and want him to be happy, and he gets to define what happiness looks like for him. You've made your choices. Done. fwiw, my DD swears she will give me two granddogs, not grandchildren. My response: Okay, cool. Kids are a lot of work and people should not feel pressured to have children if they do not want them. I fully believe that, so I guess it's not so hard for me, though.

[Anonymous]

Kids are just trying to figure out their identity right now. They say and think lots of things that change and/or have no real bearing on what they’ll think or feel or do at age 25/30/35. Your only job in this period of their life is just to say “ok honey, I support you.” The phases will come and go, your only purpose is to be the calm steady constant who supports them in their choices.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he’s asexual. Some people genuinely aren’t interested in a marriage or a relationship and that’s OK. It’s not the only key to a successful life. As long as he has a good support network, friends who care about him, and he’s happy, that’s what’s important. Your discomfort is coming from your own expectations about how his life should go.