DS doesn’t want to marry

[Anonymous]

My kids and their friends are all like this. I suspect it's this generation's rebellion topic, along with fluid sexual identity. They declare don't want kids either. It's so weird to me, because I've always wanted kids and a family.

But I know that right now if I make any sort of comments, they will just become more oppositional about it

So sit tight and wait for this phase to pass, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't need to do anything. Maybe he is sick of everyone saying when are you going get a girlfriend etc type stuff and wants all pressure off. Or maybe he is simply is not interested. Could be a not interested - yet, or maybe he never will be. He will be who he is.

[phone]

[Anonymous]

Raising an incel?

Make sure he focuses on school so he can be successful later on. Maybe he will change his mind if girls (or boys) show any interest in him.

[Anonymous]

No, why would you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids and their friends are all like this. I suspect it's this generation's rebellion topic, along with fluid sexual identity. They declare don't want kids either. It's so weird to me, because I've always wanted kids and a family.

But I know that right now if I make any sort of comments, they will just become more oppositional about it

So sit tight and wait for this phase to pass, OP.

This seems to indicate something rigid in you.

Do you know any 15 year old boys? Hopefully they aren’t clamoring for marriage. Some answer was given in my 1980s health class by a majority of boys. Most are married or were married.

[Anonymous]

I am a girl and said the same thing at that age. Now I'm happily married

[Anonymous]

What the heck? OP, don’t you have anything better to worry about? A 16-year-old is figuring out how to be independent and an adult. They are trying to figure out how to live their lives and what kind of person they want to be. A 16-year-old might also look around and try to imagine being tied for life to one of their peers, and that prospect doesn’t seem appealing to them. A 16-year-old does not have the emotional maturity to really grasp what they might get out of being married to someone. All of that said, some people don’t want marriage or a committed relationship. If he has friendships, hobbies, is healthy, and is otherwise fine, I don’t see the problem. In your shoes I would also question what kind of marriage he is seeing at home and try to think whether that is a factor in any of this.

I did not want to get married until I was almost 30. And I didn’t want kids until I turned 35 and changed my mind. Guess who got married and had a kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids and their friends are all like this. I suspect it's this generation's rebellion topic, along with fluid sexual identity. They declare don't want kids either. It's so weird to me, because I've always wanted kids and a family.

But I know that right now if I make any sort of comments, they will just become more oppositional about it

So sit tight and wait for this phase to pass, OP.

This seems to indicate something rigid in you.

Do you know any 15 year old boys? Hopefully they aren’t clamoring for marriage. Some answer was given in my 1980s health class by a majority of boys. Most are married or were married.

So anything that doesn't dovetail with your life experience is "rigid"? I have a 20 yo son and a 15 yo daughter. I was merely expecting them to not have any opinions on marriage. Not to say "I don't want kids and won't marry". There's a difference between keeping fuzzy notions to oneself as a teen and declaring something.

This is why I conclude that such announcements are this generation's attempt at getting a rise out of their elders. In my day, teens riled up their parents by wearing grungy clothes and smoking. They had no particular opinions on marriage and kids. I didn't voice my opinion out loud either - I just knew it was one of the goals in my life.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s great he doesn’t want marry! He can focus on himself, his goals, his academics. Someday, he may or may not have a significant relationship. If not, it’s ok. I think it’s a sign of a healthy, maturing young adult.

[Anonymous]

On the plus side, this may be he will finish college or trade school successfully OP.

I would be worried that your relationships, and family relationships have soured him on relationships in general. You might want to see a therapist, rather than your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What the heck? OP, don’t you have anything better to worry about? A 16-year-old is figuring out how to be independent and an adult. They are trying to figure out how to live their lives and what kind of person they want to be. A 16-year-old might also look around and try to imagine being tied for life to one of their peers, and that prospect doesn’t seem appealing to them. A 16-year-old does not have the emotional maturity to really grasp what they might get out of being married to someone. All of that said, some people don’t want marriage or a committed relationship. If he has friendships, hobbies, is healthy, and is otherwise fine, I don’t see the problem. In your shoes I would also question what kind of marriage he is seeing at home and try to think whether that is a factor in any of this.

I did not want to get married until I was almost 30. And I didn’t want kids until I turned 35 and changed my mind. Guess who got married and had a kid?

This. I had to interest in getting married at 16.
By the time I was 24 I did.

[Anonymous]

I think I would worry more if my 16 year old said they wanted marriage and children. 16 year olds aren’t adults yet and shouldn’t be concerned with such things at that stage of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids and their friends are all like this. I suspect it's this generation's rebellion topic, along with fluid sexual identity. They declare don't want kids either. It's so weird to me, because I've always wanted kids and a family.

But I know that right now if I make any sort of comments, they will just become more oppositional about it

So sit tight and wait for this phase to pass, OP.

My girl is 22 and has said since she was a preschooler that she doesn't want kids. She still doesn't want kids. Never wanted to babysit, never wanted to be a camp counselor. So for some, it's not a phase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids and their friends are all like this. I suspect it's this generation's rebellion topic, along with fluid sexual identity. They declare don't want kids either. It's so weird to me, because I've always wanted kids and a family.

But I know that right now if I make any sort of comments, they will just become more oppositional about it

So sit tight and wait for this phase to pass, OP.

My girl is 22 and has said since she was a preschooler that she doesn't want kids. She still doesn't want kids. Never wanted to babysit, never wanted to be a camp counselor. So for some, it's not a phase.

And she's still just 22.

She may change her mind, or she may not. Some people change over time.

I never wanted kids. Changed in my 30s. Not everyone does, but I did.

[Anonymous]

When I was a teen I frequently said I didn’t want to marry and have kids. Yet here I am, happily married with children because fortunately our teenage opinions are not set for life.