Do you think independence is a high priority with raising kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you tell your kids that the world is too big and scary for them to manage on their own (repeatedly, by not letting your kids have normal experiences as a teen) you handicap them in many ways. They learn to look to authority figures to tell them how to manage. This usually leads to either massively rebellious teens (who don’t trust any authority bc they feel oppressed) or overly compliant and fearful personalities who can’t make a move without someone telling them every move. These are the young adults that are failure to launch, and can get stuck in dead end jobs or marriages

+1

Anxiety is absolutely learned. We have friends who are terrified of bugs so they won't camp and don't like nature. They now have teens who have never experienced nature and are also scared of bugs and won't even eat outside in a backyard.

[Anonymous]

You may have better examples and didn’t use them, but overnight trips and camps are not the bar for independence. Many people can’t afford that and their kids turn out fine. I think it’s more about going to the store by themselves, purchasing clothes on their own, feeding themselves, meeting school and work responsibilities without help, chores around the house, emotional growth, have a social life.

And who knows why they stayed local for college. I’m ok with a kid who wants to stick around a little extra time if they are progressing towards independence.

[Anonymous]

The goal of a parent is to raise a child to adulthood that can be a good person/productive member on society on their own. Adulthood doesn't have to be 18 and you can live at home and be independent. I never went to sleep away camp (no $) but I spent summers with grandma in a different country and helped clean and learned to cook and fetch water from a well. Lived at home after college to save up for a car and apartment.
I have one kid who is generally anxious about new situations so probably no camp for her but she's learning to do things for herself. And her sister is fearless and comfortable in most situations.

[Anonymous]

I do think part of our job as parents is to foster independence. However, based on each particular child's temperament and maturity levels, that may look slightly different. I try to take a child-led approach to a large extent, assessing where I think my child may be and what s/he needs in order to grow. At the same time, increased responsibility also comes with increased freedom. When a child demonstrates s/he can handle both, then we continue to offer opportunities. Good luck!