Do you think independence is a high priority with raising kids?

[Anonymous]

My niece and nephew both opted to stay at home and not go away for college. They went to a really expensive prep school and have a college fund for any school. They were never allowed to go on any kind of overnight camp or trip growing up. I wonder if this was a factor for them. I’m sure they will be fine but I want my own kids to at least go away and live in a dorm even if they are local for college. Is this something you think that needs to be taught and experienced prior to college to give them the push to want to go off alone?

[Anonymous]

Lol. Judge much? I take it you couldn’t afford to send your kids to those kinds of schools.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I think we push kids out too early. I don’t think there is anything wrong with a more gradual send off. It would be more concerning to me if my children did nothing than if they continue to live at home while pursuing education and/or working entry level jobs and saving money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I think we push kids out too early. I don’t think there is anything wrong with a more gradual send off. It would be more concerning to me if my children did nothing than if they continue to live at home while pursuing education and/or working entry level jobs and saving money.

It is very American!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My niece and nephew both opted to stay at home and not go away for college. They went to a really expensive prep school and have a college fund for any school. They were never allowed to go on any kind of overnight camp or trip growing up. I wonder if this was a factor for them. I’m sure they will be fine but I want my own kids to at least go away and live in a dorm even if they are local for college. Is this something you think that needs to be taught and experienced prior to college to give them the push to want to go off alone?

Stay at home, like literally stay-at-home and commute...or just they decided to attend a college near/in their hometown.

I mean...plenty of kids from DC and MoCo attend UMD which is only like 7 miles away and I don't attribute that to anything other than UMD is a great choice and just happens to be close.

[Anonymous]

You think your niece and nephew didn’t go away to college because they never went to sleep away camp? That’s not a thing.

[Anonymous]

Could they have invisible special needs you or their parents don't know about, OP?

My oldest has high-functioning autism and my youngest has a chronic auto-immune disease. You'd never know if you were just interacting with them superficially. We declined certain experiences for them growing up, because we had doubts about their fitness, psychological or physical.

Now my oldest is going to study abroad for his junior year of college. We expect each of them to become independent, but it will happen on their own timeline, not one that you have arbitrarily decided was the one and only, OP!

[Anonymous]

Wtf business is it of yours.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been observing a den of three baby rabbits in my yard for a few weeks. When the mom rabbit nursed them for the last time, she hopped a few feet away and stood there. One baby rabbit barely moved for the next 30 minutes, one explored a tiny bit further, and one immediately took off and went under the fence into the neighbor’s yard.

I only have two kids, but I see similar innate differences in their desire for independence. It is important to me, so I have to prod one a little bit and reign in the other sometimes, but the most important thing is to go with their flow and don’t push (or overprotect) them into a place that doesn’t feel right for them.

[Anonymous]

My sibling refused to go away to college. I'm sure it was due to his autism. He didn't like change. He was a very very difficult child to raise, but was incredibly smart and got into top colleges. My parents had a fully funded college fund and would have paid for any college he got into. They definitely tried to foster independence, but he was very resistant (had trouble staying home by himself while my parents went to dinner). My parents basically had a breakdown and their marriage barely survived him staying another 4 years. I think my parents were hanging on for dear life thinking of him going off to the dorms for 4 years and he refused.

Anyways, the point of my story is that even if you try very hard for independence, some kids are resistant. It has more to do with the kids than the parents.

[Anonymous]

I think it's important to recognize when a child is very dependent and reluctant to venture out, and to try and help them at least give it a shot because there is value in standing on your own, if for self-esteem only. But it's more than just moving out: driving, going on day trips, leaving the house and doing things independently. I don't know your niece and nephew and their behavior. Going away to college or not isn't the only way to be independent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol. Judge much? I take it you couldn’t afford to send your kids to those kinds of schools.

Not the case at all but I would be very disappointed if they opted to live at home at that age. That was a major milestone for me to go away to college and I went out of state myself.

[Anonymous]

That is very Amercian and look where this mindset has brought us. A very independent society who can't stand their relatives for the most part, but they also want to have family/community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wtf business is it of yours.

It’s an anonymous message board and a discussion. Grow some thicker skin if this is that triggering or upsetting for you to read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You think your niece and nephew didn’t go away to college because they never went to sleep away camp? That’s not a thing.

They didn’t go on any overnight experiences growing up- any kind of school trip, camp, sleepover, etc. Very sheltered.