Do you think independence is a high priority with raising kids?
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Anonymous
| yes very |
Anonymous
Going to local CC, forced by parents. Had no desire. They both mostly keep to themselves in their rooms on their computers. They are employed by the family business so they likely don’t need to ever get a job or internship. |
Anonymous
Ha ha yea, but you’re not judging their parents. Right. |
Anonymous
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I don’t think your example is a good one.
I left home because I hated being at home. It’s not because I was wonderfully independent. But yes, I think independence is the goal of parenting. |
Anonymous
| I think most parents get wrapped up in their own lives and allow kids to raise themselves. They think it’s cool but it’s not fair to the kids. There are a lot of ways to encourage independence without forcing kids into adult situations. |
Anonymous
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Your title question and the question in the last sentence of your post are two pretty different questions.
But yes, I think independence within a society is a big goal of my parenting. As in I don't want my kids to feel so independent they don't bother to cultivate friendships and community (a risk with one of my kids). I want them both to be able to live on their own eventually and know how to make money and do basic life skills. Can a kid do that without experiences outside the home in high school? Maybe not as easily, but some late maturing or neurodivergent kids may benefit immensely from a couple more years at home. If they were rather to experience the world but stayed home because of over-protective parents, that's a problem. If the parents kept them home because of legitimate reasons why they felt the kids weren't ready, very hard to tell from the outside. |
Anonymous
| ^^if they were eager to experience the world |
Anonymous
Perhaps this is the reason? I know several business owners where the kids went to college and moved away and have no interest in taking over the business...somewhat to the disappointment of the owner. They for whatever reason just assumed one of the kids would want it. I guess this is a way to ensure it stays in the family. |
Anonymous
I am judging the parents. I think they sheltered them to the point of being fearful to experience life and hindered their potential. |
Anonymous
| I think independence is important but my kids have always had very different levels of comfort with leaving home. One, I swear, would move out right now if she could, has been happily going to sleep away camp for years. The other went to sleep away camp a few years but now much prefers to stay at home. I assume that will change with time - or hope it will - but don't think I can force them to go away if they really don't want to. |
Anonymous
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Independence is important, but it comes naturally to our family. I'm busy with work or traveling.The kids are often traveling without me, at numerous play-dates, or at 3 different relatives' houses. This weekend I had to check 360 to see where my kid was.
One flew to Miami 2 times in May with relatives and is going again in June. He really wants to go back to EU this summer. I spent my summers roaming the town alone while parents worked or I was sent to grandparents' house. Grandparents were busy, but the farms were safe and we just wondered around. We have not done sleep away camps either. I don't need my kids next to me at all times. Relatives are more than capable taking care of them. My kids have 10+ middle age aunts and uncles with no children of their own. I have no reason to keep my kids from them. My kids will easily go with their friends and their friends' parents where ever they all go and not just relatives. I like the breaks I get, the different places, foods and activities my kids get to do. What's not to like. Most of it is free. I'm only paying for the EU trip at Christmas time. |
Anonymous
| It's not black or white. A family friend of ours has 4 kids and their oldest at age 20 still lives with them. She got a full ride to a local college so she commutes there everyday. She is smart, friendly, outgoing, and has tons of friends. She helps her family a lot by helping around the house, driving her younger siblings to practices and school; and she travels with friends often. She said going away to college was not something she wanted because the idea of rooming with a stranger in a tiny room seemed like a nightmare. Why do that when you can live in a nice house with a pool, drive a BMW, and have a nice home cooked meal. She also has a part time job and is saving money and plans to buy a place in a few years. They're European so I would say it's a cultural thing but it sounds like a nice alternative. Honestly, she's more independent than some of the college kids I know who still barely know how to cook or do laundry. |
Anonymous
| I think personality. Some leave for college and never look back, while siblings stay and live at home. |
Anonymous
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I think it’s important. My 13yo DD is pretty independent.
I’d be thrilled if she lived at home while going to college though. Dorm expenses are through the roof. We will save thousands if shes at home. There are other life experiences she can and will have. |
Anonymous
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I think independence is important. Raising them to be dependent on you is not healthy
However, I don't think not going away to college means not independent- plenty of college students/ and graduates who are overly dependent on mom and dad. I also don't think not going to camps and sleepovers means not independence. Maybe you mean the parents were overly anxious and projected that onto the kids so they are now fearful to try anything without mom and dad? Hopefully your niece and nephew are happy with their choice and they will be supported if they decided to do anything differently. |