Taking a teammate to a tournament

[Anonymous]

I don't want to responsible for another kid. I am traumatized from when I took another kid to a bday party and in the last five minutes, they broke their arm.

[Anonymous]

If a sports program requires real travel, they should do team travel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have done this a few times. We just get a suite. Usually it is only DH or myself attending (never both). Usually a chain place like Embassy Suites or Springhill Suites etc is not much more expensive (and one person can take the sofa bed in the “living room”). Might be different if we stayed at a team mandated hotel that was more expensive. Also usually it is for just one night.

We refuse any reimbursement for the room, but kid is always sent with $ for meals and we let them pay for theirs.

I usually don’t find it terribly awkward because there isn’t usually a whole lot of down time between games and team meals. The room is mostly just for sleep.
We have not asked anyone to take our own kid to a tournament, but the parents return the favor in other ways (rides etc).

Do you all share one bathroom? This would be a no go for me as a mom.

[Anonymous]

We have done this a lot with people we know well. I don’t see it as a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have done this a lot with people we know well. I don’t see it as a big deal.

That’s what most of us are saying. If you know them well but more importantly, IF the kids are friends it’s not a big deal.

It’s a huge deal if it’s a teammate you don’t know well and if they are only acquaintances.

[Anonymous]

It's a big ask but I've done it before. I wouldn't do it for someone we didn't know well or didn't feel comfortable with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a big ask. I’ve started saying no to these requests. It’s too much responsibility and takes away from the weekend away I’ve planned with my kid and ends up being expensive, no matter how much they offer to pay.

These weekends are exhausting and it gives us zero down time if we are hosting another teammate. I’ve made a mental agreement with myself to be the distant parent next season so no one feels comfortable asking. We had parents take advantage last season of the nice parents.

The one exception if DD happens to have an actual legit close friend on the team. That happened two years ago. I would take any of them in a second. They were friends outside of the team and hung out separately from sports. There wasn’t the same dynamic on our last team.

+1
Only have done this with a teammate that is a genuine friend with my child outside of the team/practices. That is the only way it works for us.

+1
I’d only do it if it’s to the extent the kid are already good friends and we’re fine sharing a hotel room. Even with just me traveling with a few of my kids, I’ve had issues with some hotels saying no kids in their own interconnecting room, need an adult in each room.
I’d also do it if there’s a kid on the team where financially it’s a stretch.
My kids each need a lot of downtime to regroup at tournaments, and having a friend even in the room or the car doesn’t allow for that, and we end up with frayed nerves and a lower level of play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It truly depends on the kid and my kids relationship with the kid. My daughter has a best friend who is well behaved and would make this easy. I would happily take her.

This - I know the bestie's parents very well, if I spent over what we estimated beforehand, I wouldn't think twice about being like "ok you owe me $50 more than we thought" - her kid and mine are bonded at the hip, and it'd be fine.

A kid/family I don't know as well? Hard pass.

Someone has to take the kid. Should the same family always have to take them?

That someone should be their mom or dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have always done this in an organized way since my kid started traveling to overnight tournaments.

I guess we are lucky to find enough parents that aren't interested in attending all the overnight tournaments, but are fine handling one.

Ideally, you find enough parents = overnight tournaments and everyone takes one. Worst case if you trust one another, is the "lucky" parent takes the first overnight the next season.

Honestly, there were few parents that went to every tournament...for a team of 15 it would be 5 parents taking call it 12 kids between them and then 3 parents that always went.

This is commonplace on our team as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have done this a lot with people we know well. I don’t see it as a big deal.

That’s what most of us are saying. If you know them well but more importantly, IF the kids are friends it’s not a big deal.

It’s a huge deal if it’s a teammate you don’t know well and if they are only acquaintances.

This. We’ve hosted teammates from other states many times. I would not do this for young children, but for teenagers yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a big ask. I’m not a fan of doing it but would probably say yes if the kid was well behaved and mine liked them,
If the parents paid rather than reimbursing me (I’ve had parents not pay) and if the parents tended
To reciprocate.

Reciprocate what? Don't you normally want to go to your kids tournaments?

What? No. Don’t be so enmeshed.

[Anonymous]

As the parent of an only child- we have often taken a teammate/friend to tournaments. It makes life easier for us. The other kids parents have always covered that kids cost.

[Anonymous]

NP here. I have taken a friend of our child twice to tournaments with us and it does get exhausting because they play an individual sport, so match times are different. I end up all day at the tournament venue to be there for both their games.

Now the mom is asking me to take her child a third time! Not sure what is the most polite way to say no. She has not offered to reciprocate and take my child so far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I have taken a friend of our child twice to tournaments with us and it does get exhausting because they play an individual sport, so match times are different. I end up all day at the tournament venue to be there for both their games.

Now the mom is asking me to take her child a third time! Not sure what is the most polite way to say no. She has not offered to reciprocate and take my child so far.

I’m one of the PPs and usually this is what happens. Rather than reciprocating, this parent found someone who will say yes and will continue to ask. Just say no, sorry, you are unable to take the kid. You don’t have to give a reason. Don’t worry about being polite. She’s not being polite by asking a third time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I have taken a friend of our child twice to tournaments with us and it does get exhausting because they play an individual sport, so match times are different. I end up all day at the tournament venue to be there for both their games.

Now the mom is asking me to take her child a third time! Not sure what is the most polite way to say no. She has not offered to reciprocate and take my child so far.

I’m one of the PPs and usually this is what happens. Rather than reciprocating, this parent found someone who will say yes and will continue to ask. Just say no, sorry, you are unable to take the kid. You don’t have to give a reason. Don’t worry about being polite. She’s not being polite by asking a third time.

+1. Say no and move on.

And I agree it's much harder for an individual sport! Like many others in this thread, we are a volleyball family and have taken other teammates. But the kids are friends, and we are friends with the parents, and there is lots of reciprocity in carpooling and meals, etc.