My Mom just passed suddenly this AM

[Anonymous]

Sorry for your loss, OP but now I want a mantle of doom…

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry for your loss, op. She sounds like a great lady. I always say a good death is a blessing, and it seems that’s what she got and I’m sure you find that comforting.

In your shoes I’d go out there. Grief is a process, and I think it helps to share with a sibling. And clearly your dh isn’t up for the job. Feel free to tell him a bunch of randos on DCUM think he’s awful and needs some sort of wake up call.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry OP! Your mom sounds like a really cool lady. Sending you a big hug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are you feeling?

I'm worried that you're putting on a brave face but are not OK with this cavalier attitude of your loved ones and friends.

My condolences, OP.

And I'm surprisingly OK. She was 89 with a bad heart and bad kidneys. When she had a heart attack/stroke two years ago, I figured it would be under 5 years. And she had a wonderful two years. She was the last of 11 kids and I suspect there is all heck breaking loose up there - LOL.

I went to a funeral recently and his daughter said it was better to have a long full life and a short illness (which he had) than the other way around. I found that a helpful way to think about it.

[Anonymous]

OP is grieving. Don't judge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing your mom hits hard. Since it wasn’t expected, it may take a while to really sink in. When I lost my dad suddenly, I kept wondering when it would feel real. When something as seismic as the loss of a parent happens to you, it’s hard to see the rest of the world go on about their business, like it’s an ordinary day.

I’m not excusing your dh, because I think he should have prioritized supporting you, but I wonder if he is having some unexpected emotions and felt like he needed to go ride his bike as a way to process. The death of a spouse’s parent really drives home the mortality of your own parent.

No, he just texted me "I'm not dead" meaning he hadn't wrecked and that he was having beers with the crew. Talk about insensitive!

I'm a bit shell-shocked due to the suddenness but I'm happy she didn't suffer

I love his sense of humor and the fact that he is down to earth.
I hope it gets better for you in a few days or weeks

Not all the way down to -- nevermind.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP. It's hard for most people to talk about or confront death like that.

[Anonymous]

I’m so very sorry for your loss OP.

Small bit of advice —when my father passed and I was getting overwhelmed with arrangements and contacting people, I took a few hours for myself and went to the most over-the-top, loud, action movie at the movie theater. Can’t even remember the title, but something about sitting in the darkened theater (weekday matinee, so fairly empty), explosions and car chases abounding on the screen, just helped me to completely forget about my grief and stress for a few hours. It really helped.

Doesn’t have to be a movie, but try to find a few hours for yourself to take your mind off of things.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry about your mom. She sounds like a lovely lady, and you sound like a loving daughter.

I'm also sorry about your DH's insensitivity. I hope it was just a blip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you’re not doing anything, but the men suck because they’re not doing anything? Ok….

My thoughts exactly. Oh, but she’s posting here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Husband: "Let me know if I can do anything; I'm headed out on a bike ride"
Close male friend calls: "Want to offer my condolences; you wouldn't believe (latest political stuff)"

God, men suck sometimes!

As for Mom, was not expecting it but she was on the decline at her assisted living. Blessing is she went fast (stroke), her way, and was very happy where she was living. She loved it and they loved her. She and my sister live cross-country and sister said she can handle all the arrangements with my mother's friend and I need not come out. Her urn and my Dad's urn (he passed two years ago) will be sent to me as she said she wanted to be (and I quote) "on the mantle of doom with your pets and your MIL". LOL.

We will have a celebration of live in NY where most family is in the next few months.

You'll be fine. Sounds like you have it together.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry for your loss but I do think you are sending a mixed message if you are not going out there but you expect him not to go on with life. If you need more from him, let him know and give him a chance before assuming the worst. Expecting him to read your mind isn’t working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are you feeling?

I'm worried that you're putting on a brave face but are not OK with this cavalier attitude of your loved ones and friends.

My condolences, OP.

I'm not ok - I think it's rude. I do have my sister, cousins and other family so I have plenty of support, so brave face not needed.

PP you replied to. Then I would upbraid the menfolk, honestly. Especially that moron of a husband of yours.

He probably thinks since he offered to help in any way possible, I'm good. The fact he walked away with me talking mid-sentence to get ready for his ride, not good.

Don’t blame his reaction on being a man. That is a cop out. Your DH is awful and an ass. My DH and other men in our circle would never react like this.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry for your loss. If it’s any consolation at all it is a blessing that it happened quickly and you weren’t put in the position of making tough medical decisions. Your mom lived a long, full life and now she is together with your dad. Turn to your sister for support, she’s grieving, too. Again, I’m sorry.

[Anonymous]

Find your strength in her memories and do the activities that you loved to do with her with other people. This way her spirit will bring you strength.

Men are men. We live with them in some areas of our lives and totally without them in some areas of our lives. But, it is a life worth living.

Be blessed!