My Mom just passed suddenly this AM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry for your loss. She sounds like a very cool lady!

Thank you and she was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry for your loss. What the hell is wrong with your husband? Is he normally like this when stuff like this happens? When everything is settled I'd have a conversation with him about this. My attraction to DH would have been very damaged if he acted like this after my dad's death.

Normally quite detached. His father is quite ill, lives under two hours away and he sees him maybe three times/year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are you feeling?

I'm worried that you're putting on a brave face but are not OK with this cavalier attitude of your loved ones and friends.

My condolences, OP.

And I'm surprisingly OK. She was 89 with a bad heart and bad kidneys. When she had a heart attack/stroke two years ago, I figured it would be under 5 years. And she had a wonderful two years. She was the last of 11 kids and I suspect there is all heck breaking loose up there - LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you’re not doing anything, but the men suck because they’re not doing anything? Ok….

I'm doing plenty. People need to be notified, service needs to be organized, etc. We all have our roles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are you feeling?

I'm worried that you're putting on a brave face but are not OK with this cavalier attitude of your loved ones and friends.

My condolences, OP.

And I'm surprisingly OK. She was 89 with a bad heart and bad kidneys. When she had a heart attack/stroke two years ago, I figured it would be under 5 years. And she had a wonderful two years. She was the last of 11 kids and I suspect there is all heck breaking loose up there - LOL.

Awww... That's fun to think about.

I'm sorry for your loss. It may not hit you all at once and that's okay.

I'm sorry for your husband's lack of consideration. Hopefully he realizes it and checks on how you're doing. If not, it's okay to call him out on it.

Some people are like that. I have family members I could see doing that and would also be hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband: "Let me know if I can do anything; I'm headed out on a bike ride"
Close male friend calls: "Want to offer my condolences; you wouldn't believe (latest political stuff)"

God, men suck sometimes!

As for Mom, was not expecting it but she was on the decline at her assisted living. Blessing is she went fast (stroke), her way, and was very happy where she was living. She loved it and they loved her. She and my sister live cross-country and sister said she can handle all the arrangements with my mother's friend and I need not come out. Her urn and my Dad's urn (he passed two years ago) will be sent to me as she said she wanted to be (and I quote) "on the mantle of doom with your pets and your MIL". LOL.

We will have a celebration of live in NY where most family is in the next few months.

I would want to go and spend time in town with your sister, and miss your sister is nuts.

She wants me to handle other aspects from here. She has support there. I was going to get on a plane and she said 'not necessary, If and when I move back east, come get me and we'll drive back.' I plan on going this fall.

Good. I had the same sentiment. Your sister is amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband: "Let me know if I can do anything; I'm headed out on a bike ride"
Close male friend calls: "Want to offer my condolences; you wouldn't believe (latest political stuff)"

God, men suck sometimes!

As for Mom, was not expecting it but she was on the decline at her assisted living. Blessing is she went fast (stroke), her way, and was very happy where she was living. She loved it and they loved her. She and my sister live cross-country and sister said she can handle all the arrangements with my mother's friend and I need not come out. Her urn and my Dad's urn (he passed two years ago) will be sent to me as she said she wanted to be (and I quote) "on the mantle of doom with your pets and your MIL". LOL.

We will have a celebration of live in NY where most family is in the next few months.

I would want to go and spend time in town with your sister, and miss your sister is nuts.

She wants me to handle other aspects from here. She has support there. I was going to get on a plane and she said 'not necessary, If and when I move back east, come get me and we'll drive back.' I plan on going this fall.

Good. I had the same sentiment. Your sister is amazing.

She is. Can't wait to drive back with her when she's ready. In the meantime, I'll go visit there. She's wanted to go to Nashville for the longest time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are you feeling?

I'm worried that you're putting on a brave face but are not OK with this cavalier attitude of your loved ones and friends.

My condolences, OP.

And I'm surprisingly OK. She was 89 with a bad heart and bad kidneys. When she had a heart attack/stroke two years ago, I figured it would be under 5 years. And she had a wonderful two years. She was the last of 11 kids and I suspect there is all heck breaking loose up there - LOL.

Awww... That's fun to think about.

I'm sorry for your loss. It may not hit you all at once and that's okay.

I'm sorry for your husband's lack of consideration. Hopefully he realizes it and checks on how you're doing. If not, it's okay to call him out on it.

Some people are like that. I have family members I could see doing that and would also be hurt.

He wraps his world around the bike. I would be more insulted if he was dedicated to his own family. He's not. He is a dedicated father though

[Anonymous]

I am very sorry for your loss. It sounds like her passing was easy for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are you feeling?

I'm worried that you're putting on a brave face but are not OK with this cavalier attitude of your loved ones and friends.

My condolences, OP.

And I'm surprisingly OK. She was 89 with a bad heart and bad kidneys. When she had a heart attack/stroke two years ago, I figured it would be under 5 years. And she had a wonderful two years. She was the last of 11 kids and I suspect there is all heck breaking loose up there - LOL.

Awww... That's fun to think about.

I'm sorry for your loss. It may not hit you all at once and that's okay.

I'm sorry for your husband's lack of consideration. Hopefully he realizes it and checks on how you're doing. If not, it's okay to call him out on it.

Some people are like that. I have family members I could see doing that and would also be hurt.

I recently had a dream that my father came to me and said "I have no money here and can't find your mother". Hope she brought a chunk of change - LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am very sorry for your loss. It sounds like her passing was easy for her.

Very. Her favorite caregiver was with her and my sister arrived moments after. It was very fast and peaceful. She said "I have a headache" and that was it.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry for your loss. You were blessed with a cool family of origin.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you all for your condolences. The suddenness gets to you but we were regularly in touch and we took care of her every need. She was deliriously happy in her assisted living, with lots of friends. For years prior, she would not leave the care of my ailing father and was cut off from her friends, etc. Even with my sister there. She could no longer drive, etc. When my father passed, she was able to sell the house and move to assisted living, something she wanted to do for a long time and my father didn't. That she lived her best life the past two years brings me peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry for your loss. You were blessed with a cool family of origin.

Very much so. Raucous crew - end of an era for sure.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing your mom hits hard. Since it wasn’t expected, it may take a while to really sink in. When I lost my dad suddenly, I kept wondering when it would feel real. When something as seismic as the loss of a parent happens to you, it’s hard to see the rest of the world go on about their business, like it’s an ordinary day.

I’m not excusing your dh, because I think he should have prioritized supporting you, but I wonder if he is having some unexpected emotions and felt like he needed to go ride his bike as a way to process. The death of a spouse’s parent really drives home the mortality of your own parent.