Can anyone think of a society that doesn't value community?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t have a community, friend group or neighbors, who’s telling you that having these is the ideal? Advertisement, TV shows and Instagram?

Reddit “I’m lonely” posts

Basically once many young Adults leave their structured college or school environment they don’t know how to do anything - get to know new people, find a real job, do active hobbies, plan vacations to look forward, date someone, Ethan

They can always join a gang.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t have a community, friend group or neighbors, who’s telling you that having these is the ideal? Advertisement, TV shows and Instagram?

OP here. I think it's mostly articles I read like one that said old people who aren't connected to friends are more likely to have failing health. And it made me wonder about if that's only for old people who USED to have friends and community or will it affect me who has never had friends and community. Stuff like that. When I'm by myself, I'm not lonely, but when I keep getting told in different ways that I SHOULD be around people I do feel lonely. Like when people at work are all pressing to find out your Memorial Day plans. I had none. I've never had any. And I'm fine puttering around at home doing whatever. Right up until people ask how many bbqs I'm going to and what I'm wearing for the Memorial Day parties I must surely be going to, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the US we are pushed with the idea we need community, a friend group, to know our neighbors, etc. And I don't have any of that and feel lonely. But after giving it deep thought I realized I don't WANT that and maybe I only feel lonely because I'm being told what the ideal is. So what if the ideal what more independent? Is there some society or place I could move where I could just have a dog, and see people like once a week when I go buy food and a couple times a year to take the dog to the vet?

we have no culture in the US.

Denmark, Portugal, they have communities and they have a culture.

Agree. No shared history, values, respect, language, k-12 education, foods, religion, sports, clothes, and so on.

This is kind of reductive. There is at least a majority culture that eats turkey on Thanksgiving, watches the Superbowl, celebrates Christmas at least secularly, celebrates July 4, etc. Maybe recent immigrants don’t do those things but those things are American.

I'm the OP. I eat turkey on Thanksgiving only if I'm invited to a dinner. If not I just treat it like a long weekend. I have never watched the Super Bowl, celebrated Christmas or July 4th. I'm not an immigrant.

[Anonymous]

Finland.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t have a community, friend group or neighbors, who’s telling you that having these is the ideal? Advertisement, TV shows and Instagram?

OP here. I think it's mostly articles I read like one that said old people who aren't connected to friends are more likely to have failing health. And it made me wonder about if that's only for old people who USED to have friends and community or will it affect me who has never had friends and community. Stuff like that. When I'm by myself, I'm not lonely, but when I keep getting told in different ways that I SHOULD be around people I do feel lonely. Like when people at work are all pressing to find out your Memorial Day plans. I had none. I've never had any. And I'm fine puttering around at home doing whatever. Right up until people ask how many bbqs I'm going to and what I'm wearing for the Memorial Day parties I must surely be going to, etc.

Ironically if you had a small community or a few people around you who also preferred dog company to people company you may find it easier to shrug off everyone else. Is there a dog park where you can meet a few people who validate your feelings? That may be enough to simply tell people you are happy without a Memorial Day parties.

Or else just ignore the people who don’t know you. You live once. You can’t live for Susan in accounting at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the US we are pushed with the idea we need community, a friend group, to know our neighbors, etc. And I don't have any of that and feel lonely. But after giving it deep thought I realized I don't WANT that and maybe I only feel lonely because I'm being told what the ideal is. So what if the ideal what more independent? Is there some society or place I could move where I could just have a dog, and see people like once a week when I go buy food and a couple times a year to take the dog to the vet?

we have no culture in the US.

Denmark, Portugal, they have communities and they have a culture.

Agree. No shared history, values, respect, language, k-12 education, foods, religion, sports, clothes, and so on.

This is kind of reductive. There is at least a majority culture that eats turkey on Thanksgiving, watches the Superbowl, celebrates Christmas at least secularly, celebrates July 4, etc. Maybe recent immigrants don’t do those things but those things are American.

I'm the OP. I eat turkey on Thanksgiving only if I'm invited to a dinner. If not I just treat it like a long weekend. I have never watched the Super Bowl, celebrated Christmas or July 4th. I'm not an immigrant.

Community, friendship and socializing is a two way street OP.

Maybe an adult sibling will do all the work for holidays and traditions or house parties and invite you to partake but otherwise you should reciprocate and at least bring something to share or a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the US we are pushed with the idea we need community, a friend group, to know our neighbors, etc. And I don't have any of that and feel lonely. But after giving it deep thought I realized I don't WANT that and maybe I only feel lonely because I'm being told what the ideal is. So what if the ideal what more independent? Is there some society or place I could move where I could just have a dog, and see people like once a week when I go buy food and a couple times a year to take the dog to the vet?

we have no culture in the US.

Denmark, Portugal, they have communities and they have a culture.

Agree. No shared history, values, respect, language, k-12 education, foods, religion, sports, clothes, and so on.

This is kind of reductive. There is at least a majority culture that eats turkey on Thanksgiving, watches the Superbowl, celebrates Christmas at least secularly, celebrates July 4, etc. Maybe recent immigrants don’t do those things but those things are American.

I'm the OP. I eat turkey on Thanksgiving only if I'm invited to a dinner. If not I just treat it like a long weekend. I have never watched the Super Bowl, celebrated Christmas or July 4th. I'm not an immigrant.

Did you parents take you to nay if these thing when you were growing up?
Or did they poo poo holidays, big meals, entertaining, throwing bday parties, going on vacations, graduating, etc.??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the US we are pushed with the idea we need community, a friend group, to know our neighbors, etc. And I don't have any of that and feel lonely. But after giving it deep thought I realized I don't WANT that and maybe I only feel lonely because I'm being told what the ideal is. So what if the ideal what more independent? Is there some society or place I could move where I could just have a dog, and see people like once a week when I go buy food and a couple times a year to take the dog to the vet?

we have no culture in the US.

Denmark, Portugal, they have communities and they have a culture.

Agree. No shared history, values, respect, language, k-12 education, foods, religion, sports, clothes, and so on.

This is kind of reductive. There is at least a majority culture that eats turkey on Thanksgiving, watches the Superbowl, celebrates Christmas at least secularly, celebrates July 4, etc. Maybe recent immigrants don’t do those things but those things are American.

I'm the OP. I eat turkey on Thanksgiving only if I'm invited to a dinner. If not I just treat it like a long weekend. I have never watched the Super Bowl, celebrated Christmas or July 4th. I'm not an immigrant.

If I invited you to a Super Bowl viewing party at my house, would you come and have a good time? Or come and complain/ put things down?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Finland.

Hockey community there is awesome. Go Stars!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the US we are pushed with the idea we need community, a friend group, to know our neighbors, etc. And I don't have any of that and feel lonely. But after giving it deep thought I realized I don't WANT that and maybe I only feel lonely because I'm being told what the ideal is. So what if the ideal what more independent? Is there some society or place I could move where I could just have a dog, and see people like once a week when I go buy food and a couple times a year to take the dog to the vet?

we have no culture in the US.

Denmark, Portugal, they have communities and they have a culture.

Agree. No shared history, values, respect, language, k-12 education, foods, religion, sports, clothes, and so on.

This is kind of reductive. There is at least a majority culture that eats turkey on Thanksgiving, watches the Superbowl, celebrates Christmas at least secularly, celebrates July 4, etc. Maybe recent immigrants don’t do those things but those things are American.

I'm the OP. I eat turkey on Thanksgiving only if I'm invited to a dinner. If not I just treat it like a long weekend. I have never watched the Super Bowl, celebrated Christmas or July 4th. I'm not an immigrant.

Did you parents take you to nay if these thing when you were growing up?
Or did they poo poo holidays, big meals, entertaining, throwing bday parties, going on vacations, graduating, etc.??

I’m not the OP but people like myself from small families (only child of an only child from a generation of 5 that only one of the 5 bore children and they also had one child) these types of holidays and entertaining just didn’t happen. I think this is really something large families really partake in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the US we are pushed with the idea we need community, a friend group, to know our neighbors, etc. And I don't have any of that and feel lonely. But after giving it deep thought I realized I don't WANT that and maybe I only feel lonely because I'm being told what the ideal is. So what if the ideal what more independent? Is there some society or place I could move where I could just have a dog, and see people like once a week when I go buy food and a couple times a year to take the dog to the vet?

we have no culture in the US.

Denmark, Portugal, they have communities and they have a culture.

Agree. No shared history, values, respect, language, k-12 education, foods, religion, sports, clothes, and so on.

This is kind of reductive. There is at least a majority culture that eats turkey on Thanksgiving, watches the Superbowl, celebrates Christmas at least secularly, celebrates July 4, etc. Maybe recent immigrants don’t do those things but those things are American.

I'm the OP. I eat turkey on Thanksgiving only if I'm invited to a dinner. If not I just treat it like a long weekend. I have never watched the Super Bowl, celebrated Christmas or July 4th. I'm not an immigrant.

Did you parents take you to nay if these thing when you were growing up?
Or did they poo poo holidays, big meals, entertaining, throwing bday parties, going on vacations, graduating, etc.??

I’m not the OP but people like myself from small families (only child of an only child from a generation of 5 that only one of the 5 bore children and they also had one child) these types of holidays and entertaining just didn’t happen. I think this is really something large families really partake in.

Absolutely

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the US we are pushed with the idea we need community, a friend group, to know our neighbors, etc. And I don't have any of that and feel lonely. But after giving it deep thought I realized I don't WANT that and maybe I only feel lonely because I'm being told what the ideal is. So what if the ideal what more independent? Is there some society or place I could move where I could just have a dog, and see people like once a week when I go buy food and a couple times a year to take the dog to the vet?

BS Americans are selfish this is why we have dumb Trumpies they aren’t inclusive community building they literally take food out of the mouths of kids while spewing they are Christians. The fake boob sycophants at Maralago with their diamond crosses are not community focused.

[Anonymous]

I heard a good new (to me) phrase recently.
Instead of FOMO (fear of missing out), JOMO (JOY of missing out).

Right now, as an elementary school teacher with a needy spouse and a dear friend in crisis, I am desperate for quiet drama free down time in my garden. Luckily, summer is near.

Just do what makes you feel right.

[Anonymous]

It’s basic human biology to need community. It’s not some philosophical exercise. America does not value community. We are an individualistic society which keeps us all busy trading our time to our corporate employers in exchange for just enough money to give right back to other corporations for crap that doesn’t make us happy and destroys our environment.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you truly beet to your own drum, as you keep saying you do here, why not just continue to do so? You don’t actually have to form a community around you. Nice to Alaska and live alone off grid if that’s what pleases you - many people do. Aside from hat, urban US seems to be peak “leave me alone”.

No one “makes”’you feel lonely when alone without you if you actually enjoy being alone. Feeling lonely in the context of a relationship is different - when you’re seeking connection but cannnot access it. If you are truly always happy being alone, then create your life around that value.