Beach Week rules

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your child has not had much unsupervised freedom yet, I wouldn't let them go. If they haven't already had to navigate pressures at parties, and figured out how to make wise choices in the face of peer pressure, now is not the time.

I've unfortunately had to navigate that with my son throughout high school. And now he makes good choices. Doesn't mean he's fool proof. He's still only 18. But that type of partying peer pressure isn't new.

I think for kids who haven't had much exposure, unsupervised beach week is overwhelming and could be quite dangerous. I often tell my son about my friend who "woke up in the back of a van where she lost her virginity." It was only decades later that consent even crossed my mind. The real story was likely much worse.

The hookup culture is prevalent in some teen circles. Your kid should know having sex with anyone who's intoxicated is illegal. They can't consent.

My son is not going. But I would have let him. At this point, I feel like he would make (mostly) good choices. But I did not and would not rent a place for him. I would not help pay for him to go in on a place with friends.

He does have use of a car and I would have let him drive to the beach to stay with friends, because he has already demonstrated that he won't drink and drive and in fact has been his friends' sober driver on occasion (they still should have called me but I take small victories where I can).

He's a very strong swimmer and surfer and knows not to swim intoxicated. But I think nonconsensual sex, non consensual video of pretty much anything and everything, drunken walks across roads, insane speeding, drunk driving, unknown drugs, and having money stolen are the biggest risks.

You know your kid best. Are they ready for that at their current level of maturity?

If kids aren’t mature enough for beach week because of drinking and hook ups, how are they mature enough to live on a college campus 3 months from now?

But using alcohol/ marijuana, under age 21, is a clear violation of law, as is engaging in s*x before age 18.

Using alcohol and marijuana is illegal for underage college students as well. I guess your argument is that even if your kid isn’t mature enough to deal with an environment that includes alcohol and hookups, the benefits of attending college outweigh the risks to your immature kid, which makes college worthwhile, but there’s no benefit to beach week that outweighs the risks, even if the experience would help your child to mature?

Btw, it’s not illegal to engage in sex before 18. In MD and a lot of other states, the age of consent is lower than 18, and in many states, someone who is older cannot be charged with statuary rape if they’re close enough in age to their minor partner and the sex was consensual, so it could be legal for a 16 year old and a 19 year old to have sex.

18 years-old is the minimum to be an Only Fans / cam-girl, appear consensually in pornographic videos, or dance naked for tips down at The Pink Pony Club.

And you have to be 35 to be president. What does that have to do with beach week?

[Anonymous]

Don't fprget, as well, that all of those carefully curated college plans for a great school and a great career can be compromised or torpedoed by the wrong actions (or even online postings) at Beach Week. Part of preparing a student for college is teaching them how responsible adults make decisions (even if they're not capable of always duplicating that or always getting that right). Do you really want your opening act on that one to be sending them to Beach Week? What part of that is preparation for responsible adulthood?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. No car
2. They are 18 not your call you don’t have to finance we did not. If not 18 but heading to college then yes they go again on their dime.
3. If your kid can go to college they can go to beach week
4. Must be in walking distance of beach
5. Do not call me if you get arrested
6. We will not co-sign
7. Contracts mean shit
8. No I did not talk to other parents my kids are going to college time to grow up
9. Some parents hang in town we did not
10. We own beach houses no we did not allow usage during beach week.
11. We did not go grocery shopping for them they ar3 not babies
12. We did not provide alcohol yes I know they drank. Fake ids I’m sure the6 had . Although a few of mine had those go through the wash and they magically disappeared lol drinking is illegal if they chose to do this and had any issues mine knew moms nit helping you l yes I am that parent

+1 Also, you can't stop an 18 year old but that doesn't mean there won't be consequences. Kid may be 18 and can do what they want, that doesn't mean Mom and Dad are obligated to keep paying for everything. Refusing to pay college tuition would be going overboard, but chipping in for more college and living expenses is reasonable if they are an "adult."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't likely have to say "no" to Beach Week.
As a parent -- if you don't act -- it doesn't happen.
It doesn't happen without: you renting the house, or sharing the car, or giving the money.

Well, unless your kid is 18 and another parent decides to be the "cool" parent and get a house for the group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS went last year. He stayed in a house with 4 of his friends and two Dads who went along. One of the Dad's signed for the house.

We have know the kids he went with since elementary school and knew the parents as well. So, we were all pretty clear on expectations.

Were there some typical beach week shenanigans? Sure, but he went, had fun and came home in one piece. Mission accomplished.

Almost no kids I know of go with parents. The parents don’t go. And if they do they are the enabler types.

Nope.

Ours went with two Dads, one of the two maybe fit the enabler billing. Dad who signed the lease wasn't the enabler. As stated, son went, had fun and came home no worse for wear. Son asked to go, had a core group of friends to go with and that was that.

High School Beach week wasn't a thing growing up in Western PA. But in college, Senior Week was a big deal. All went to Avalon for the week and had a blast. Then came back on campus and stayed at our house for another few days before graduation. Tons of fun memories from that experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who knows if kids will actually follow the rules, but we emphasized the buddy system during the day and having a group after dark — no one or two girls getting separated from the pack. If somebody doesn’t feel well and wants to go back to her room, several people should escort her all the way back, even if they aren’t going to stay home with her. Girls are supposed to keep an eye on each other’s drinks (not just alcoholic beverages).

You could have them sign a contract to follow the rules.

Problem solved!

Not enforceable and laughable in event of any real issue. Would be exhibit B in any lawsuit.

It's pretty common for kids to have to sign a behavior contract in our circle. The parent who puts the house in their name is on property and other parents will also chaperone during the week. It's usually split between 3-4 parents. All parents and kids are in agreement that a violoation means the kid is sent home. FWIW, I only have experience/knowledge of all-female houses.

[Anonymous]

Which beach towns/locations are the primary destinations? We are not from here (obviously)

[Anonymous]

I just can't with all the permissive parents who are trying so desperately to be cool. My rule is also simple: No beach week. Because I'm not a damn idiot.

[Anonymous]

Young adults can plan their own fun. They arrange it, are legally responsible for it, and pay for it. I'm not telling them no. Not when they are adults. But I'm not making it happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just can't with all the permissive parents who are trying so desperately to be cool. My rule is also simple: No beach week. Because I'm not a damn idiot.

I can’t with the judgy parents who don’t realize not all beach week attendees are up to no good. Lots of good kids go.

[Anonymous]

Try not to get arrested or an alcohol citation. It could mess up college plans.

[Anonymous]

People here coddle their kids way too much. Yes, 17-18 yr olds can do go the beach.

[Anonymous]

I believe lots of good kids go to beach week - I have seen them! but it's also really easy to get caught up in things. your kids just need to understand that and feel confident to leave a situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Which beach towns/locations are the primary destinations? We are not from here (obviously)

I'm not in the DMV, but in Richmond. It varies a bit around here, but mostly the NC beaches. Son went to Ocean Isle. Others have gone to the various beaches in the Outer Banks...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe lots of good kids go to beach week - I have seen them! but it's also really easy to get caught up in things. your kids just need to understand that and feel confident to leave a situation.

Yeah, came out that there was a group of kids arrested from my kids HS. Busted for throwing eggs and other crap at people as they rode in the back of the truck. My DS was well aware of what could result from that decision due to a situation he got himself into previously.