Beach Week rules

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My rule is simple. No HS student in my house is ever going on a free unsupervised vacation to drink themselves silly (and other things) with other kids, not on my time or my watch or my nickel. Parents who help their kids do this (because parents have to sign rental contracts and charge hotel rooms) are just trying to look cool in front of other adults by putting their own kids in reality-TV situations. I'd love to know what is defensible about this entire thing.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your child has not had much unsupervised freedom yet, I wouldn't let them go. If they haven't already had to navigate pressures at parties, and figured out how to make wise choices in the face of peer pressure, now is not the time.

I've unfortunately had to navigate that with my son throughout high school. And now he makes good choices. Doesn't mean he's fool proof. He's still only 18. But that type of partying peer pressure isn't new.

I think for kids who haven't had much exposure, unsupervised beach week is overwhelming and could be quite dangerous. I often tell my son about my friend who "woke up in the back of a van where she lost her virginity." It was only decades later that consent even crossed my mind. The real story was likely much worse.

The hookup culture is prevalent in some teen circles. Your kid should know having sex with anyone who's intoxicated is illegal. They can't consent.

My son is not going. But I would have let him. At this point, I feel like he would make (mostly) good choices. But I did not and would not rent a place for him. I would not help pay for him to go in on a place with friends.

He does have use of a car and I would have let him drive to the beach to stay with friends, because he has already demonstrated that he won't drink and drive and in fact has been his friends' sober driver on occasion (they still should have called me but I take small victories where I can).

He's a very strong swimmer and surfer and knows not to swim intoxicated. But I think nonconsensual sex, non consensual video of pretty much anything and everything, drunken walks across roads, insane speeding, drunk driving, unknown drugs, and having money stolen are the biggest risks.

You know your kid best. Are they ready for that at their current level of maturity?

If kids aren’t mature enough for beach week because of drinking and hook ups, how are they mature enough to live on a college campus 3 months from now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your child has not had much unsupervised freedom yet, I wouldn't let them go. If they haven't already had to navigate pressures at parties, and figured out how to make wise choices in the face of peer pressure, now is not the time.

I've unfortunately had to navigate that with my son throughout high school. And now he makes good choices. Doesn't mean he's fool proof. He's still only 18. But that type of partying peer pressure isn't new.

I think for kids who haven't had much exposure, unsupervised beach week is overwhelming and could be quite dangerous. I often tell my son about my friend who "woke up in the back of a van where she lost her virginity." It was only decades later that consent even crossed my mind. The real story was likely much worse.

The hookup culture is prevalent in some teen circles. Your kid should know having sex with anyone who's intoxicated is illegal. They can't consent.

My son is not going. But I would have let him. At this point, I feel like he would make (mostly) good choices. But I did not and would not rent a place for him. I would not help pay for him to go in on a place with friends.

He does have use of a car and I would have let him drive to the beach to stay with friends, because he has already demonstrated that he won't drink and drive and in fact has been his friends' sober driver on occasion (they still should have called me but I take small victories where I can).

He's a very strong swimmer and surfer and knows not to swim intoxicated. But I think nonconsensual sex, non consensual video of pretty much anything and everything, drunken walks across roads, insane speeding, drunk driving, unknown drugs, and having money stolen are the biggest risks.

You know your kid best. Are they ready for that at their current level of maturity?

If kids aren’t mature enough for beach week because of drinking and hook ups, how are they mature enough to live on a college campus 3 months from now?

That’s a slippery slope. Would you let your junior go? Your eighth grader? It’s perfectly reasonable to say not now.

Plus, college causes maturity, so after a semester of college kids will be different. And college isn’t designed solely for drinking and partying if you’re doing it right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your child has not had much unsupervised freedom yet, I wouldn't let them go. If they haven't already had to navigate pressures at parties, and figured out how to make wise choices in the face of peer pressure, now is not the time.

I've unfortunately had to navigate that with my son throughout high school. And now he makes good choices. Doesn't mean he's fool proof. He's still only 18. But that type of partying peer pressure isn't new.

I think for kids who haven't had much exposure, unsupervised beach week is overwhelming and could be quite dangerous. I often tell my son about my friend who "woke up in the back of a van where she lost her virginity." It was only decades later that consent even crossed my mind. The real story was likely much worse.

The hookup culture is prevalent in some teen circles. Your kid should know having sex with anyone who's intoxicated is illegal. They can't consent.

My son is not going. But I would have let him. At this point, I feel like he would make (mostly) good choices. But I did not and would not rent a place for him. I would not help pay for him to go in on a place with friends.

He does have use of a car and I would have let him drive to the beach to stay with friends, because he has already demonstrated that he won't drink and drive and in fact has been his friends' sober driver on occasion (they still should have called me but I take small victories where I can).

He's a very strong swimmer and surfer and knows not to swim intoxicated. But I think nonconsensual sex, non consensual video of pretty much anything and everything, drunken walks across roads, insane speeding, drunk driving, unknown drugs, and having money stolen are the biggest risks.

You know your kid best. Are they ready for that at their current level of maturity?

If kids aren’t mature enough for beach week because of drinking and hook ups, how are they mature enough to live on a college campus 3 months from now?

That’s a slippery slope. Would you let your junior go? Your eighth grader? It’s perfectly reasonable to say not now.

Plus, college causes maturity, so after a semester of college kids will be different. And college isn’t designed solely for drinking and partying if you’re doing it right.

Don’t be disingenuous. A junior has 15 months to mature between now and starting college — 5 times the amount of time a senior does. An eighth grader has 51 months — 17 times as much time.

If your senior isn’t mature enough now, how are you preparing them over the next 3 months, if not by loosening the apron strings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who knows if kids will actually follow the rules, but we emphasized the buddy system during the day and having a group after dark — no one or two girls getting separated from the pack. If somebody doesn’t feel well and wants to go back to her room, several people should escort her all the way back, even if they aren’t going to stay home with her. Girls are supposed to keep an eye on each other’s drinks (not just alcoholic beverages).

You could have them sign a contract to follow the rules.

Problem solved!

LOL
I did let my kids go, but the parent who signed for the house had them sign a contract. My kid broke it and then the other parent didn't want to enforce it. I sure did - $500 fine that I donated.
If you are going to have them sign a contract, please enforce it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who knows if kids will actually follow the rules, but we emphasized the buddy system during the day and having a group after dark — no one or two girls getting separated from the pack. If somebody doesn’t feel well and wants to go back to her room, several people should escort her all the way back, even if they aren’t going to stay home with her. Girls are supposed to keep an eye on each other’s drinks (not just alcoholic beverages).

You could have them sign a contract to follow the rules.

Problem solved!

Not enforceable and laughable in event of any real issue. Would be exhibit B in any lawsuit.

[Anonymous]

My DS went last year. He stayed in a house with 4 of his friends and two Dads who went along. One of the Dad's signed for the house.

We have know the kids he went with since elementary school and knew the parents as well. So, we were all pretty clear on expectations.

Were there some typical beach week shenanigans? Sure, but he went, had fun and came home in one piece. Mission accomplished.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My rule is simple. No HS student in my house is ever going on a free unsupervised vacation to drink themselves silly (and other things) with other kids, not on my time or my watch or my nickel. Parents who help their kids do this (because parents have to sign rental contracts and charge hotel rooms) are just trying to look cool in front of other adults by putting their own kids in reality-TV situations. I'd love to know what is defensible about this entire thing.

Your tone is judgmental, but I share the general sentiment. Not sure why parents would condone and finance these trips if they expect their kids to drink, etc.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS went last year. He stayed in a house with 4 of his friends and two Dads who went along. One of the Dad's signed for the house.

We have know the kids he went with since elementary school and knew the parents as well. So, we were all pretty clear on expectations.

Were there some typical beach week shenanigans? Sure, but he went, had fun and came home in one piece. Mission accomplished.

Almost no kids I know of go with parents. The parents don’t go. And if they do they are the enabler types.

Nope.

[Anonymous]

On the flip side, my kid is staying in a house that will have multiple dads staying with them and was forced to sign a 6 page contract with "the rules."

Why even bother going?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My rule is simple. No HS student in my house is ever going on a free unsupervised vacation to drink themselves silly (and other things) with other kids, not on my time or my watch or my nickel. Parents who help their kids do this (because parents have to sign rental contracts and charge hotel rooms) are just trying to look cool in front of other adults by putting their own kids in reality-TV situations. I'd love to know what is defensible about this entire thing.

I love you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your child has not had much unsupervised freedom yet, I wouldn't let them go. If they haven't already had to navigate pressures at parties, and figured out how to make wise choices in the face of peer pressure, now is not the time.

I've unfortunately had to navigate that with my son throughout high school. And now he makes good choices. Doesn't mean he's fool proof. He's still only 18. But that type of partying peer pressure isn't new.

I think for kids who haven't had much exposure, unsupervised beach week is overwhelming and could be quite dangerous. I often tell my son about my friend who "woke up in the back of a van where she lost her virginity." It was only decades later that consent even crossed my mind. The real story was likely much worse.

The hookup culture is prevalent in some teen circles. Your kid should know having sex with anyone who's intoxicated is illegal. They can't consent.

My son is not going. But I would have let him. At this point, I feel like he would make (mostly) good choices. But I did not and would not rent a place for him. I would not help pay for him to go in on a place with friends.

He does have use of a car and I would have let him drive to the beach to stay with friends, because he has already demonstrated that he won't drink and drive and in fact has been his friends' sober driver on occasion (they still should have called me but I take small victories where I can).

He's a very strong swimmer and surfer and knows not to swim intoxicated. But I think nonconsensual sex, non consensual video of pretty much anything and everything, drunken walks across roads, insane speeding, drunk driving, unknown drugs, and having money stolen are the biggest risks.

You know your kid best. Are they ready for that at their current level of maturity?

If kids aren’t mature enough for beach week because of drinking and hook ups, how are they mature enough to live on a college campus 3 months from now?

But using alcohol/ marijuana, under age 21, is a clear violation of law, as is engaging in s*x before age 18.

[Anonymous]

DS and his group of friends were very responsible kids. They didn’t drink in HS. Yet, nobody ever knows for sure what kids will do away from adults, so the group was driven to/from OC by a parent so there was no possibility they could get behind the wheel. One of those parents also stayed within a reasonable drive in case an emergency arose (but never had any contact otherwise). If all this weren’t the case, I probably would have said no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS went last year. He stayed in a house with 4 of his friends and two Dads who went along. One of the Dad's signed for the house.

We have know the kids he went with since elementary school and knew the parents as well. So, we were all pretty clear on expectations.

Were there some typical beach week shenanigans? Sure, but he went, had fun and came home in one piece. Mission accomplished.

Almost no kids I know of go with parents. The parents don’t go. And if they do they are the enabler types.

Nope.

Because OBX has started cracking down on this and evicting kids who do not have an adult present in the home when the property owner surprise visits, there are definitely parents that go along and enable the behavior. They take turns. Mom A "supervises" for 2 nights and then Mom B shows up, etc.

People are completely desperate for their kids to be "cool" and doing this type of thing. As if it's some rite of passage the kid will never recover from missing. It's very regional too. Where I grew up this was not a thing at all and still isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My rule is simple. No HS student in my house is ever going on a free unsupervised vacation to drink themselves silly (and other things) with other kids, not on my time or my watch or my nickel. Parents who help their kids do this (because parents have to sign rental contracts and charge hotel rooms) are just trying to look cool in front of other adults by putting their own kids in reality-TV situations. I'd love to know what is defensible about this entire thing.

I love you!

Sorry but I agree with you.
I'm saying this as someone who WENT! I was 18 and had to 100% spend my own money, my parents would not pay a cent. My mother wasn't happy but legally I was an adult. I did not drink even a sip of liquor because I was too nervous that something bad would happen!
Something bad did happen to my friend who was drunk. I tried to stop her but she insisted on going with a strange guy.