Coping with anxiety once kids are no longer at home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my kids are good kids who make good decisions, have good friends and are mindful to make healthy choices.

Yes, the anxiety remains because you worry about your kids. Here is how I cope
- they have access to our google pay, uber, starbucks, amazon, costco accounts.
- we all do location sharing.
- they both have newer but average cars with all kinds of safety features
- they live in safe neighborhoods and buildings
- they don't have a flashy lifestyle. they don't keep expensive things with them
- they have a support system - family, friends, money, open to therapy, regular yoga and meditation practice.
- they don't have a lifestyle or drugs, booze, vaping, clubbing etc. they are nerdy.

Why do adult children share their locations? This seems weird.

We started sharing it when we went to Europe for the oldest kids Hs grad gift. And it's never been turned off. We don't stalk, I mainly use it to only call if they are at home, not work or out. It's a safety item just like I share my u er rides with my partner, our kids share u er rides with us or their friends if they are solo

Ugh, I would hate this so, so much. I guess the key is to make sure the reassurance you seek does not annoy the heck out of the person you are asking.

You don't share your solo uber rides with a friend/loved one at 10pm from the airport or to a hotel in a new city? Most people I know do that, my husband does that. Simple safety

Most kids do not care, they track 100+ other friends and have that many tracking them.

Now my kids would care if I was constantly asking them about where are they, what were they doing, etc. But I rarely do that.

Yes, I think maybe posters don't realize kids share location on Snapchat. I certainly don't track my kids daily but if for some instance it's close to curfew and ds isn't home, I much prefer just checking to see if he's on his way than texting. I do the same if I'm trying to figure out when we're having dinner, just look if dh has left work yet or not. It eliminates some annoying logistical texting when people might be busy/driving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my kids are good kids who make good decisions, have good friends and are mindful to make healthy choices.

Yes, the anxiety remains because you worry about your kids. Here is how I cope
- they have access to our google pay, uber, starbucks, amazon, costco accounts.
- we all do location sharing.
- they both have newer but average cars with all kinds of safety features
- they live in safe neighborhoods and buildings
- they don't have a flashy lifestyle. they don't keep expensive things with them
- they have a support system - family, friends, money, open to therapy, regular yoga and meditation practice.
- they don't have a lifestyle or drugs, booze, vaping, clubbing etc. they are nerdy.

Why do adult children share their locations? This seems weird.

We started sharing it when we went to Europe for the oldest kids Hs grad gift. And it's never been turned off. We don't stalk, I mainly use it to only call if they are at home, not work or out. It's a safety item just like I share my u er rides with my partner, our kids share u er rides with us or their friends if they are solo

Ugh, I would hate this so, so much. I guess the key is to make sure the reassurance you seek does not annoy the heck out of the person you are asking.

You don't share your solo uber rides with a friend/loved one at 10pm from the airport or to a hotel in a new city? Most people I know do that, my husband does that. Simple safety

Most kids do not care, they track 100+ other friends and have that many tracking them.

Now my kids would care if I was constantly asking them about where are they, what were they doing, etc. But I rarely do that.

Yes, I think maybe posters don't realize kids share location on Snapchat. I certainly don't track my kids daily but if for some instance it's close to curfew and ds isn't home, I much prefer just checking to see if he's on his way than texting. I do the same if I'm trying to figure out when we're having dinner, just look if dh has left work yet or not. It eliminates some annoying logistical texting when people might be busy/driving.

+1

It's only creepy/an issue if you are obnoxious about it. I do same thing. I will call a kid who is driving home from work, rather than texting, as that is safer, same for husband.
But I can see how some parents are obnoxious about it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps other parents can heed your question as a cautionary tale. The answer is that you build up resilience the same way you build your own child’s independence and responsibility. You slowly learn how to parent like it’s 1992.
If you track your child’s location - stop. start by not tracking them for day to day activities close to home, then stop tracking on weekends unless they miss curfew, then stop all together and ask them to check in when they arrive or when plans change. If you read their messages, stop.

Raise your kids to make good decisions and then trust them. If you say “I trust my kids but what about all the danger in the world I can’t control?” Well, you can’t control it. Worrying will not change that, it only keeps you from enjoying your life.

If knowing your 18 yo is home safely in their dorm/apt on a Sat night at 2am helps you sleep track them. You can track their location/check it and not say anything to your kid if they are still at the frats/out. The issue comes when you are obsessed with it. I only track late at night (kid is female on a campus that borders a bad area and her apt is at edge of that area. So yes I might check late at night to make sure she's home safe. But if she isn't I rarely comment because I usually know where she is.

But I rarely mention anything about it. It's a safety tool for us

I think that's too much information. What if she is at a party and just crashes for the night with a friend instead of going to her dorm? I used to do that. It was safer than walking home in the middle of the night. Or, what if she's with a new boyfriend you don't know about? What would you do with this info? Call her right away? I mean, unless she's in a foreign country inexplicably, what would you do anyway? Of course, I used to travel places in college and didn't tell my parents everything.

+1

But I have never used location trackers for my kids.

I don't either. I also don't look at banking/card transactions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps other parents can heed your question as a cautionary tale. The answer is that you build up resilience the same way you build your own child’s independence and responsibility. You slowly learn how to parent like it’s 1992.
If you track your child’s location - stop. start by not tracking them for day to day activities close to home, then stop tracking on weekends unless they miss curfew, then stop all together and ask them to check in when they arrive or when plans change. If you read their messages, stop.

Raise your kids to make good decisions and then trust them. If you say “I trust my kids but what about all the danger in the world I can’t control?” Well, you can’t control it. Worrying will not change that, it only keeps you from enjoying your life.

If knowing your 18 yo is home safely in their dorm/apt on a Sat night at 2am helps you sleep track them. You can track their location/check it and not say anything to your kid if they are still at the frats/out. The issue comes when you are obsessed with it. I only track late at night (kid is female on a campus that borders a bad area and her apt is at edge of that area. So yes I might check late at night to make sure she's home safe. But if she isn't I rarely comment because I usually know where she is.

But I rarely mention anything about it. It's a safety tool for us

I think that's too much information. What if she is at a party and just crashes for the night with a friend instead of going to her dorm? I used to do that. It was safer than walking home in the middle of the night. Or, what if she's with a new boyfriend you don't know about? What would you do with this info? Call her right away? I mean, unless she's in a foreign country inexplicably, what would you do anyway? Of course, I used to travel places in college and didn't tell my parents everything.

+1

But I have never used location trackers for my kids.

I don't either. I also don't look at banking/card transactions.

Totally your choice. As long as the credit card is in both of our names/I'm paying the bills, I will at time check out the credit card statement.

And if tracking/location sharing isn't your thing, nobody is requiring you to do it. For many families it works well and provides peace of mind. Our kids share their location with all their friends and sometimes their friends parents (if they are picking them up from airport or something). Not really a big deal unless you are a stalker type.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my kids are good kids who make good decisions, have good friends and are mindful to make healthy choices.

Yes, the anxiety remains because you worry about your kids. Here is how I cope
- they have access to our google pay, uber, starbucks, amazon, costco accounts.
- we all do location sharing.
- they both have newer but average cars with all kinds of safety features
- they live in safe neighborhoods and buildings
- they don't have a flashy lifestyle. they don't keep expensive things with them
- they have a support system - family, friends, money, open to therapy, regular yoga and meditation practice.
- they don't have a lifestyle or drugs, booze, vaping, clubbing etc. they are nerdy.

Why do adult children share their locations? This seems weird.

We started sharing it when we went to Europe for the oldest kids Hs grad gift. And it's never been turned off. We don't stalk, I mainly use it to only call if they are at home, not work or out. It's a safety item just like I share my u er rides with my partner, our kids share u er rides with us or their friends if they are solo

Ugh, I would hate this so, so much. I guess the key is to make sure the reassurance you seek does not annoy the heck out of the person you are asking.

You don't share your solo uber rides with a friend/loved one at 10pm from the airport or to a hotel in a new city? Most people I know do that, my husband does that. Simple safety

Most kids do not care, they track 100+ other friends and have that many tracking them.

Now my kids would care if I was constantly asking them about where are they, what were they doing, etc. But I rarely do that.

Yes, I think maybe posters don't realize kids share location on Snapchat. I certainly don't track my kids daily but if for some instance it's close to curfew and ds isn't home, I much prefer just checking to see if he's on his way than texting. I do the same if I'm trying to figure out when we're having dinner, just look if dh has left work yet or not. It eliminates some annoying logistical texting when people might be busy/driving.

My kids share locations through Snapchat and Life 360 with their friends.

As a family we use Life 360 for the reasons stated above. We have been using them for years and now still do. I have two kids in college and they now check on me... LOL.