Vent about smug parenting post

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If raising kids is not a full time job then what are you paying daycare workers and nanny’s to do?

It’s a full time job when they’re home with you full time. When they’re in daycare or school for 6-8 hours then SAHP have a lot of time they’re not parenting. I don’t have hate for them, but it is a different job than being a sahp to kids who are home all day long.

My SIL's nanny does their house chores, cooking and errands while kids are at daycare so couple can focus on kids and each other in the evening not begrudgingly running around taking care of everything while kids entertain themselves.

Dp
Now that's a set up I would have loved!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If raising kids is not a full time job then what are you paying daycare workers and nanny’s to do?

It’s a full time job when they’re home with you full time. When they’re in daycare or school for 6-8 hours then SAHP have a lot of time they’re not parenting. I don’t have hate for them, but it is a different job than being a sahp to kids who are home all day long.

I’ve had this job for the last year. Let me tell you that this the worst job unless you are somehow naturally gifted at it.
My whole job was running chores and doing errands. You can say that you do all of this stuff as a WOHM, but I think most people either divvy it up amongst their family members or let a lot of it slip.
But as a SAHM of kids in school, how can you not have a clean house, laundry done, lawn mowed, flowers planted, homemade dinner every night, host holidays, decorate for every season, make sure that your kid has a cool hat for hat day, volunteer at the school when they need someone, run out with a change of clothes if your kid gets mud on themselves at recess, run to get last minute supplies for whatever stupid project, get all four kids and yourself to the doctor and the dentist as often as you are supposed to, and take them out to get a haircut at an age appropriate place every 4-6 weeks?

And if DH needs errands run or ran out of his special cereal, why wouldn’t you get it? He is the breadwinner.

It sucks. It was not the time of personal development that I thought it would be. I was just everyone’s maid/personal assistant/b!$ch. I’m a child psychiatrist by training and was in school until I was 31. I did not like this role for myself.

I really liked being at home with my kids when they were little though. Maybe that’s more of a “job,” but it’s a good job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If raising kids is not a full time job then what are you paying daycare workers and nanny’s to do?

It’s a full time job when they’re home with you full time. When they’re in daycare or school for 6-8 hours then SAHP have a lot of time they’re not parenting. I don’t have hate for them, but it is a different job than being a sahp to kids who are home all day long.

I’ve had this job for the last year. Let me tell you that this the worst job unless you are somehow naturally gifted at it.
My whole job was running chores and doing errands. You can say that you do all of this stuff as a WOHM, but I think most people either divvy it up amongst their family members or let a lot of it slip.
But as a SAHM of kids in school, how can you not have a clean house, laundry done, lawn mowed, flowers planted, homemade dinner every night, host holidays, decorate for every season, make sure that your kid has a cool hat for hat day, volunteer at the school when they need someone, run out with a change of clothes if your kid gets mud on themselves at recess, run to get last minute supplies for whatever stupid project, get all four kids and yourself to the doctor and the dentist as often as you are supposed to, and take them out to get a haircut at an age appropriate place every 4-6 weeks?

And if DH needs errands run or ran out of his special cereal, why wouldn’t you get it? He is the breadwinner.

It sucks. It was not the time of personal development that I thought it would be. I was just everyone’s maid/personal assistant/b!$ch. I’m a child psychiatrist by training and was in school until I was 31. I did not like this role for myself.

I really liked being at home with my kids when they were little though. Maybe that’s more of a “job,” but it’s a good job.

God this is offensive, to say that people naturally have to “let

[Anonymous]

Hit send too soon. To say that people let things slip. I’m a single mom. My kid has home cooked food, a reasonably clean house, seasonal fun, and all the doctors appointments he is supposed to, ok?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hit send too soon. To say that people let things slip. I’m a single mom. My kid has home cooked food, a reasonably clean house, seasonal fun, and all the doctors appointments he is supposed to, ok?

I guess it’s just me!
I’m back at work now. My house is a mess sometimes. The kids, DH and I split the cooking and laundry, and sometimes it’s not done and we just have spaghetti or pizza. My daughter needs braces, but I haven’t gotten to the orthodontist yet. I have no flowers. I didn’t volunteer at the book fair at all. We did Easter at my brother’s house, and we got to mass and things, but that’s about it.

I think you should congratulate yourself on being so on top of everything, but I also think it’s totally normal to let some things slide if you are busy and don’t want to do them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even in families where a husband makes 7 figures there is whispering about wives not working. Especially among in-laws, colleagues, and even school moms. I’d bet she is trying to counter some pressure she feels. No one really values mom work. Also it’s very a risky choice because you may get screwed in a divorce as half people do. So she has reason to feel insecure. I don’t disagree with her sentiment as I am someone who earns much less to work part time, but I think women need to be careful about trusting a man to be a sole provider their whole lives. It rarely works out that way. Keep your toes in the career water while acknowledging the mom load is tremendous.

Keeping your toes in your career is not possible or practical without working full time, for many of us. And that sucks when you’d rather be home raising the family you built. The smug mom was obnoxious. Most people don’t have spouses earning 7 figures and enabling them to stay home without financial sacrifices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let them

Zip it, Mel. What an idiotic theory.

lol!

[Anonymous]

It's easier to be tone deaf when you're privileged. It's why I try to think a moment before I say or write something judgmental or dismissive. I cringe at some of the stupid things I've expressed aloud in the past, but I'd like to think that I've learned from those mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social media is where it's really brought home to you that the average IQ is a 100.

This.
Her IQ is probably halfway between yours and someone with Down syndrome, OP. Would it make sense for her to get upset with someone with an intellectual disability for saying something she found less than insightful? No.
For that same reason it doesn’t make sense for you to be upset with her.

Or she has a high IQ and is feeling guilty about not keeping with her grad school/law school/med school classmates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If raising kids is not a full time job then what are you paying daycare workers and nanny’s to do?

It’s a full time job when they’re home with you full time. When they’re in daycare or school for 6-8 hours then SAHP have a lot of time they’re not parenting. I don’t have hate for them, but it is a different job than being a sahp to kids who are home all day long.

I’ve had this job for the last year. Let me tell you that this the worst job unless you are somehow naturally gifted at it.
My whole job was running chores and doing errands. You can say that you do all of this stuff as a WOHM, but I think most people either divvy it up amongst their family members or let a lot of it slip.
But as a SAHM of kids in school, how can you not have a clean house, laundry done, lawn mowed, flowers planted, homemade dinner every night, host holidays, decorate for every season, make sure that your kid has a cool hat for hat day, volunteer at the school when they need someone, run out with a change of clothes if your kid gets mud on themselves at recess, run to get last minute supplies for whatever stupid project, get all four kids and yourself to the doctor and the dentist as often as you are supposed to, and take them out to get a haircut at an age appropriate place every 4-6 weeks?

And if DH needs errands run or ran out of his special cereal, why wouldn’t you get it? He is the breadwinner.

It sucks. It was not the time of personal development that I thought it would be. I was just everyone’s maid/personal assistant/b!$ch. I’m a child psychiatrist by training and was in school until I was 31. I did not like this role for myself.

I really liked being at home with my kids when they were little though. Maybe that’s more of a “job,” but it’s a good job.

Trust me when I say that I have known SAHMs who sit on their rear ends all day buying stuff off of amazon instead of doing all the things that you think "how can you not have...?"

They aren't the majority of the SAHMs I know, but they exist. Obviously there also exist SAHMs like you. Or SAHMs who do a lot of volunteering and do tons of unpaid labor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a vent. Nothing more. A mom I know posts on instagram “it’s not about having the highest paying job, it’s about having the job that allows you to be there for your children. Not miss the special moments!” Or something like that. One of those quotes that people copy and paste by “anonymous”. Meanwhile this woman is a SAHM and her husband makes 7 figures. Just so tone deaf and bizarre. Like lady you don’t even have a job , you are there for all of the special moments literally because your husband DID choose the highest paying job.

Vent over.

What inside of you is the source of this need to vent? That is the issue you should be focusing on.

Ahahahaha, no. That's a healthy reaction to the constant pressure and SAHM v Working Mom culture war and insensitivity of wealthy people to the actual lives most people live.

But, why are you buying into this culture war or insensitivity? Why do you get impacted by someone who is not impacting your life in any way?

Gaslight much?

That toxic trash damages all women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a vent. Nothing more. A mom I know posts on instagram “it’s not about having the highest paying job, it’s about having the job that allows you to be there for your children. Not miss the special moments!” Or something like that. One of those quotes that people copy and paste by “anonymous”. Meanwhile this woman is a SAHM and her husband makes 7 figures. Just so tone deaf and bizarre. Like lady you don’t even have a job , you are there for all of the special moments literally because your husband DID choose the highest paying job.

Vent over.

What inside of you is the source of this need to vent? That is the issue you should be focusing on.

Ahahahaha, no. That's a healthy reaction to the constant pressure and SAHM v Working Mom culture war and insensitivity of wealthy people to the actual lives most people live.

But, why are you buying into this culture war or insensitivity? Why do you get impacted by someone who is not impacting your life in any way?

Gaslight much?

That toxic trash damages all women.

hahahaha like how is that even real hahaha ladies put the phone down haha seriously just stop reading it hahahaha

[Anonymous]

close your eyes even hahahaha

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even in families where a husband makes 7 figures there is whispering about wives not working. Especially among in-laws, colleagues, and even school moms. I’d bet she is trying to counter some pressure she feels. No one really values mom work. Also it’s very a risky choice because you may get screwed in a divorce as half people do. So she has reason to feel insecure. I don’t disagree with her sentiment as I am someone who earns much less to work part time, but I think women need to be careful about trusting a man to be a sole provider their whole lives. It rarely works out that way. Keep your toes in the career water while acknowledging the mom load is tremendous.

Literally no one “whispers” about the stay at home mom married to a man making 7 (!) figures. This is cope and sad.

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP, I'd be annoyed. Honestly, I have curated my friends over the years to avoid people like that. I had a college acquaintance, never an actual friend, who did stuff like that when we all started having kids and all but one of my friends have distanced themselves from her. The one who hasn't isn't a parent and was her roommate so they were closer. She keeps encouraging us to spend time with her and we just keep declining. Life is too short. Unfollow that person and you won't see anymore of their ridiculousness.