What to do with a parent that says bad things about your kid on the sidelines during games?

[Anonymous]

This happened on our team and was reported to the team manager for the age group. The parent never commented at a game again so o assume they discussed it with him.

[Anonymous]

Avoid getting involved with parents' disputes. Kids simply want to play, but adults often end up spoiling the experience. It's not the children who ruin the game—it's the coaches, parents, and referees.

[Anonymous]

I was a parent sitting next to a parent doing this. I reported it to the coach who sent out a general email. The behavior stopped.

It's pretty easy to be a grown up OP. Do it and model it for your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was with you until I got to the part about how the dad is weird and hangs out with the other moms more than dads. That’s irrelevant and makes me wonder about you. Grow up; this isn’t middle school.

I agree. The OP has brought in extraneous information, which undermines the credibility of the post. The OP starts with the perceived facts of the situation but then descends into character traits and personal judgments against the other person. This makes the OP sound whiney and gossipy.

-Yes, have the coach or team manager send an e-mail to all the parents to not say negative things about players on the field, even the other team.

-Two, directly address the other parents and request they do not talk about your kid at all.

-Three, be a better person and do not spread gossip and make anonymous whiney character assaults when you have turned to an anonymous forum to seek advice vs speaking to the other adult about the issue.

Really don't do this at all if you haven't heard the parent say it yourself. If I heard it directly, I would comment in the moment. Otherwise, take it to the coach.

[Anonymous]

The comments that say that I'm being a bad person for repeating the big ears description make me laugh.

Ive said nothing to or about the parent that is saying negative things about my kid. The guy has big ears and it was used as a way to describe him by a kid who was pointing out who was saying negative things.

I don't really care about your sympathy. I was just asking for suggestions on how/if to address.

[Anonymous]

"The irony of it all was that our coach called my kid out at halftime and after as the best player out there and that everyone else should be working as hard as she was." My kids play soccer at high levels and have played many other sports. We've seen a variety of coaches and I've coached and played many sports as well. Here's a tip: Coaches usually praise the kids that NEED praising; otherwise, they know that kid will shut down because they aren't mentally tough. Did that happen here? Maybe. May be not. But you seemed to try to create this vision of your child being a star based on some hearsay praise from the coach, when possibly, she really isn't a star. Coach is just trying to help her get through the game. In other words, the best player USUALLY doesn't need praise, the weaker ones do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"The irony of it all was that our coach called my kid out at halftime and after as the best player out there and that everyone else should be working as hard as she was." My kids play soccer at high levels and have played many other sports. We've seen a variety of coaches and I've coached and played many sports as well. Here's a tip: Coaches usually praise the kids that NEED praising; otherwise, they know that kid will shut down because they aren't mentally tough. Did that happen here? Maybe. May be not. But you seemed to try to create this vision of your child being a star based on some hearsay praise from the coach, when possibly, she really isn't a star. Coach is just trying to help her get through the game. In other words, the best player USUALLY doesn't need praise, the weaker ones do.

Love this response. Fellow Coach here, I have had 1 or 2 super insecure parents before... I can see something like this driving them crazy. OP, you know what they say, is you ASSUME something, you make an ASS out of U and ME. Stop assuming, get the facts or get help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"The irony of it all was that our coach called my kid out at halftime and after as the best player out there and that everyone else should be working as hard as she was." My kids play soccer at high levels and have played many other sports. We've seen a variety of coaches and I've coached and played many sports as well. Here's a tip: Coaches usually praise the kids that NEED praising; otherwise, they know that kid will shut down because they aren't mentally tough. Did that happen here? Maybe. May be not. But you seemed to try to create this vision of your child being a star based on some hearsay praise from the coach, when possibly, she really isn't a star. Coach is just trying to help her get through the game. In other words, the best player USUALLY doesn't need praise, the weaker ones do.

No, this was not the case. They were playing the top opponent in league + my kid (a mid) was dishing to forwards left and right + had an assist. She played 80% of the game. Big ears kid played 15% of the game as a defender when the score was 3-0.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd want to investigate further because in sports "bad" could be "He needs to get right. GET RIGHT! Guard him!" or it could be "That kid needs to sit out. Get #11 off the field. What a waste of a defender!"

I think the former is OK and the later is obviously beyond the pale.

I'd sit near that dad next time and listen. And if he's being rude I'd say to him at the half or end, "Hey Paul, I'm Larlo's mom, he's #11. I wanna let you know we don't speak negatively about the kids sports as a general rule, so when you say X, Y and Z about my son, I take issue with it. Do you think you can stop?"

So obnoxious. He doesn’t care that you “take issue with it,” Karen.
If you want to let him know you know, that’s fine. But telling him you are offended is dumb and invites an argument. And don’t ask questions like “do you think you can stop?”
Just tell him “Larlo overheard you speaking about my DD when she was out in the field. Please be mindful not to criticize the players when you’re in the stands. They are just kids out here and they don’t need to hear parents speaking poorly about their teammates.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd want to investigate further because in sports "bad" could be "He needs to get right. GET RIGHT! Guard him!" or it could be "That kid needs to sit out. Get #11 off the field. What a waste of a defender!"

I think the former is OK and the later is obviously beyond the pale.

I'd sit near that dad next time and listen. And if he's being rude I'd say to him at the half or end, "Hey Paul, I'm Larlo's mom, he's #11. I wanna let you know we don't speak negatively about the kids sports as a general rule, so when you say X, Y and Z about my son, I take issue with it. Do you think you can stop?"

So obnoxious. He doesn’t care that you “take issue with it,” Karen.
If you want to let him know you know, that’s fine. But telling him you are offended is dumb and invites an argument. And don’t ask questions like “do you think you can stop?”
Just tell him “Larlo overheard you speaking about my DD when she was out in the field. Please be mindful not to criticize the players when you’re in the stands. They are just kids out here and they don’t need to hear parents speaking poorly about their teammates.”

I'm thinking about sitting next to the guy next game and say things like "wow, amazing consistency" at my kid (since this seemed to be his major call out last game).

The irony is big ears kid lost one of our only games this season in the last minute dorking around with the ball in front of the goal, losing it, + allowing the other team to score + win. This seems like the definition of inconsistency to me. Nobody called his kid out after or during the game.

I don't know. It's been a couple of days and I'm less heated. I still think the guy is major loser but it's not likely he's going to change when called out. More likely he'll just say nasty things behind my back to whoever will listen.

[Anonymous]

You have the moral high ground now that you posted this last message. Luck favors the bold and anonymous so no losers here

[Anonymous]

Sounds more like the original poster is delusional about his kid if he needs to come here for justification. The post also seems very judgmental of someone he doesn’t even know. Are you the guy who watches every practice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have the moral high ground now that you posted this last message. Luck favors the bold and anonymous so no losers here

Yep, the OP is clearly toxic, mocking some poor kid's appearance on the internet. This thread is a trainwreck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have the moral high ground now that you posted this last message. Luck favors the bold and anonymous so no losers here

What throws me off about the guy is that he hangs out with the mom's (not the dad's) during practice and games. It's just weird. I'm not sure what to make of him outside of being a loser. What man buddies up with the mom's?

[Anonymous]

LOL. It’s kind of rich that you’re mad at a kid for trash talking your DD and now you’re trash talking him online (and I assume to others). Who cares?! Find something more worthy of your time.