It’s me. I’m the problem

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grandchildren are the greatest joy in my life. I push through significant health issues to spend quality time with them, but I’m getting older and it’s getting harder and harder. I will say I’m very respectful of my adult children and their parenting style and the joy I get seeing them as parents is immeasurable. It is not easy to raise little humans these days and that’s an understatement
But I’m exhausted. I don’t eat well when I’m at their homes. Understandably, their food choices are in deference to very hectic schedules. I don’t get enough sleep and I have come to realize I’m not strong enough to be the grandma I once was and want to still be.
I do and have talked to my adult kids but they don’t get it. I don’t think it’s selfish but rather can’t acknowledge that grandma and grandpa are aging. They can’t (won’t) fathom the concept that we are probably not going to be alive as long as we all thought we would be.
I realize….we need to cut back and focus on ourselves. But…..
One of our adult children has a newborn and need to go back to work. With parents not vaccinating kids it’s very scary to put a 4 month old in daycare but the reality is the grandparents are too fragile to take on the job of daycare.
I’m just so sad.

Quality daycares don’t take un-vaccinated kids so that’s not a thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not a you problem. It's a problem of your kids having kids too late. It isn't feasible for you to care for a baby at your age...your kids need to hire a nanny.

Most daycares require vaccination so that's a straw man argument.

OP here. My kids don’t expect me to provide childcare. It’s me that has a hard time seeing her go to daycare while she’s too young to be vaccinated.
My kids did have fertility issues so they are older. Not for lack of trying!
Do all/most daycares require vaccinations? I was not aware of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not a you problem. It's a problem of your kids having kids too late. It isn't feasible for you to care for a baby at your age...your kids need to hire a nanny.

Most daycares require vaccination so that's a straw man argument.

OP here. My kids don’t expect me to provide childcare. It’s me that has a hard time seeing her go to daycare while she’s too young to be vaccinated.
My kids did have fertility issues so they are older. Not for lack of trying!
Do all/most daycares require vaccinations? I was not aware of this. [/quote

How old are you, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grandchildren are the greatest joy in my life. I push through significant health issues to spend quality time with them, but I’m getting older and it’s getting harder and harder. I will say I’m very respectful of my adult children and their parenting style and the joy I get seeing them as parents is immeasurable. It is not easy to raise little humans these days and that’s an understatement
But I’m exhausted. I don’t eat well when I’m at their homes. Understandably, their food choices are in deference to very hectic schedules. I don’t get enough sleep and I have come to realize I’m not strong enough to be the grandma I once was and want to still be.
I do and have talked to my adult kids but they don’t get it. I don’t think it’s selfish but rather can’t acknowledge that grandma and grandpa are aging. They can’t (won’t) fathom the concept that we are probably not going to be alive as long as we all thought we would be.
I realize….we need to cut back and focus on ourselves. But…..
One of our adult children has a newborn and need to go back to work. With parents not vaccinating kids it’s very scary to put a 4 month old in daycare but the reality is the grandparents are too fragile to take on the job of daycare.
I’m just so sad.

Quality daycares don’t take un-vaccinated kids so that’s not a thing

If they take infants or toddlers, like OP's four month old grandchild, then yes, they do take unvaccinated kids. No child is fully vaccinated against everything at birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not a you problem. It's a problem of your kids having kids too late. It isn't feasible for you to care for a baby at your age...your kids need to hire a nanny.

Most daycares require vaccination so that's a straw man argument.

OP here. My kids don’t expect me to provide childcare. It’s me that has a hard time seeing her go to daycare while she’s too young to be vaccinated.
My kids did have fertility issues so they are older. Not for lack of trying!
Do all/most daycares require vaccinations? I was not aware of this.

It sounds like you have anxiety. Maybe that's why you're so worried about this or why you're having a hard time sleeping.

Yes daycares normally require children to be current on their vaccinations, meaning that they've had the vaccinations that are standard for their age. Of course there are lots of shots that happen later.

Adult children don't like their parents telling them what to do and how to parent. You really have to stop. Are you afraid you'll catch germs from the baby?

[Anonymous]

Your writing style makes it hard to understand what you mean. Four pages in, I'm starting to figure out that you're sad because you can't provide enough care to keep the baby out of daycare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are your kids cooking that make you exhausted?

Was wondering this ..

[Anonymous]

Your kid chose to have a baby in an unstable unsafe US

That’s not on you

[Anonymous]

I thought from your initial post that your kids want you to be the nanny and you know you’re not up for it. But now I’m reading that you’re upset that a baby has to go to daycare? Babies go to daycare. They learn to be apart from their parents, they learn to socialize. This is modern parenting. I’m assuming this was part of the plan when they decided to have kids. It’s not for you to be upset about.

[Anonymous]

You're not the problem. My parents offered zero help with our kids. I even had to travel out of state for heart surgery surprisingly in my 30s and they had to watch the kids for a week. I still got a ton of JD Vance style "did you even say thank you" enough BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The OP has not told us exactly what her child is asking for, just that she is tired and doesn’t like the food at their house. Be specific please.

There is no way I will live in my kids' house caring for their kids. I am not their live in nanny. They can bring the grandkids to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP has not told us exactly what her child is asking for, just that she is tired and doesn’t like the food at their house. Be specific please.

There is no way I will live in my kids' house caring for their kids. I am not their live in nanny. They can bring the grandkids to me.

And if they don’t, because working parents of young children are under incredible pressure, you will be gracious and supportive and not guilt them in any way, not compare what you get to the other grandparent, etc?

[Anonymous]

I think sometimes these issues arise when one adult child perceives inequity. Maybe grandma was the daycare provider for her first grandkid(s) but now that another adult child has had a child that child feels entitled to the same support kid #1 got. That feeling of being treated inequitably could be blinding them to the reality of whether grandma is physically and mentally up for the job.

[Anonymous]

I'm not understanding your complaint about eating at their homes. Bring your own food? Is it that hard to bring a container with the salad or yogurt parfait that you want?

[Anonymous]

You don’t sound like the problem at all.