Anonymous wrote:…is in fact a close minded, rigid person prone to conspiracy theories.
Not sure which forum but I have a problem that seems too trivial to go to therapy over, but keeps bugging me. Maybe someone can say the right words and I’ll snap out of it?
I’ve always been a daddy’s girl and considered my father the smartest man on earth, was always looking up to him. My first disappointment came when I was about 18, I’ve had a year abroad and suddenly realized that my father is not as all knowing as he seemed before. I got over it, however, and soon left for college and I haven’t had much contact with him for years since (since about 2002 or so?) because I lived in a different city and we were both busy with our lives.
20 years go by, my mom dies, and he moves to my city to be closer to me (he is of course an elderly man by now, almost 80).
We start hanging out more, we talk, at first it’s fascinating as we are both rediscovering each other as personalities. However, it’s beginning to dawn on me that he has been frozen in time for decades, possibly since he was about 50. He stayed in the same town all of that time except maybe for a couple trips to see family.
I don’t think it’s due to retirement, but he has never really been that smart or had a broad outlook in life. He was not a great student, neither in HS nor in college, in fact he dropped out and re enrolled into a different school. He then kept changing jobs, and never worked for large or well known companies. I suspect his layoffs weren’t really layoffs, he was let go a few times.
I vaguely remember how he was holding pretty niche views 20 years ago too (nothing too bad, just a medley of strange conspiracy theories but also Marxism). So it’s not like he is losing it, he was always a weird guy, but he projected such intellectual might that he managed to fool me!
Anyway, I can’t get over that second disappointment in him. I remember it was pretty tough at 18, my key takeaway was that he isn’t as competent at life as I thought but then I was too busy living life.
The problem is that I can’t hold this disappointment back and this results in jabs towards my dad. I realize that I should stop talking to him about anything but everyday stuff, but I keep bringing up current events and such and I can’t get over the repeated disappointment from his takes on things.
Anyway, maybe someone has words of wisdom for me. No need to tell me how mean I am - I realize I should be a bigger person and accept dad as he is, but I can’t get over this very childish feeling of betrayal!
Thank you for reading all this.
This is classical psychological issues with some girls and their father who they built up an image of as a child then have another viewpoint as a teen, then again as an older past midlife adult. Almost like it was AI written. I say that only to let you know that you are not alone apparently. My only advice would be to read up on those. I hesitate to call it "daddy issues", since that is so cliche and vague, but delve into that arena.
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