Will we need a SAHP with 4 school age kids?

[Anonymous]

I have a similar spread of kids and continued to stay home for the year my youngest was in K. I was never bored during the day. I could always find somewhere to volunteer and I did all house chores myself to include fall leaf bagging + lawn maintenance BUT I did not find it fulfilling. I ended up taking a teaching job at my kids' school. Yes, it made things more rushed and stressful for me (and hubby...sorry DH) but I still love my job. Plus, having summers/breaks off made it workable.

For what it is worth when the kids were little I found staying at home fulfilling.

[Anonymous]

Do you plan on having kids do sports?

[Anonymous]

As someone with four kids: at least one of you needs a *lot* of flexibility, even if you have family support. It can be done, but life is significantly easier with a SAHP.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you have too many kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Next year kids will be in 4th grade, two in 2nd grade, and a kindergartener.

I'm at a cross roads with work right now where I'm either going to SAH or start looking for a new role. I love working, but we'd be ok financially if I didn't.

What did you do if you had 3+ school aged kids?

I worked full time, but I would have been plenty busy if I hadn’t with my four kids in school. Their clothes get bigger so you are literally constantly doing laundry. Older kids benefit from having an adult around that has time to be very involved in their lives. Most kids need a lot of social/emotional support in 7th/8th grade or highschool. They eat more food so meals and food shopping is more work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Next year kids will be in 4th grade, two in 2nd grade, and a kindergartener.

I'm at a cross roads with work right now where I'm either going to SAH or start looking for a new role. I love working, but we'd be ok financially if I didn't.

What did you do if you had 3+ school aged kids?

I worked full time, but I would have been plenty busy if I hadn’t with my four kids in school. Their clothes get bigger so you are literally constantly doing laundry. Older kids benefit from having an adult around that has time to be very involved in their lives. Most kids need a lot of social/emotional support in 7th/8th grade or highschool. They eat more food so meals and food shopping is more work.

Yes. I was going to say that it’s this. If you don’t need to work but want to, I would use the money to hire out errands, laundry, and food prep.

Or get a second washer/dryer so that kids can do their own laundry without having to be on some kind of schedule, and plan to eat a lot of “serve yourself” or mostly prepared foods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really see how next year would be harder than this year. You already juggle work and 4 kids, and it will probably be even easier when they’re all at the same elementary school. You say you love working, so only knowing these details, it sounds like you should look for another role.

+1 you made it through the preschool years, don't stop now!

[Anonymous]

I have 3 older kids and work PT. I echo what a lot of PP’s have said. One major factor will be extracurriculars/activities/sports- which can get very intense scheduling-wise especially if juggling multiple kids. Evenings and weekends can get incredibly hectic, and you may not be home much. However, some families do put more limitations on activities too. Differences with older kids IME:

-laundry probably 3x as much as for little kids. Clothes are larger and often there is the addition of gym clothes, workout/sportswear and various uniforms. Can easily be hired out, or a responsibility for the kids. 2nd W/D is a great idea if you have the space

-food/meals are a lot more work. Eventually they eat adult sized meals or far more in the case of growing teens (obviously) and aren’t satisfied with the same easy thrown together meals that little kids are. If you want them eating mostly healthy, mostly home cooked meals it is a lot. However there are ways to manage this.

-driving becomes absolutely crazy. With 4 kids this will be a lot, even if you limit activities somewhat. Needing driving in the after school hours is highly likely. However there are carpools and other options. If either parent has flexibility in the after school hours that is massively helpful. Weekends can be absolutely crazy depending on what activities the kids do- things like travel/club sports, lessons, performances etc can suck up the entire weekend easily. And once a commitment is made, attending is no longer “optional” like in elementary school

-older kids need a lot of guidance and emotional support, but that usually happens in the evening hours. At any given time, one of my 3 kids seems to be needy or struggling with something. Once that is resolved, the next kid will have an issue. There always seems to be something going on. Many will also require close monitoring of grades and schoolwork especially in the middle school years and possibly early high school years. It is a big transition for them and some kids handle better than others. Nearly all schools have an app to monitor grades in real time which makes this much easier.

[Anonymous]

My mom had 3 kids in 4 years. She loved to cook. She stayed home til we were 8, 9, 11. Then back to work 30 hours a week. It worked well for everyone.

I adopted one. I took a year off then back to work. It worked for us.

[Anonymous]

My mom had similar -- 3 kids, and she worked "school hours" (9-3) plus Saturdays (9- 2.) She was a bookkeeper. When we got to high school she worked 9-5.

So the answer is do what works for your family.

[Anonymous]

Do you work in a field where it's possible for you to work for yourself? If you could be a self-employed consultant, take contract work, or do something similar you could have control over your schedule and the ability to ramp up/scale back how many hours you work while continuing to earn, maintaining your skills, and keeping your network fresh.

Keep in mind that going SAH really changes the dynamics of your marriage/partnership, even in the most equitable relationships.

Not working at all also decays your long-term career opportunities/earning potential. Maybe that's not an issue if you're very financially secure, but I've seen women struggle to recover when a spouse gets laid off/can no longer work or they get divorced after years out of the workforce. Maintaining a lighter-touch connection to your career can be a good insurance policy.

Four kids is a handful, so maybe SAH is still right for you, but worth considering.