Will we need a SAHP with 4 school age kids?

[Anonymous]

Next year kids will be in 4th grade, two in 2nd grade, and a kindergartener.

I'm at a cross roads with work right now where I'm either going to SAH or start looking for a new role. I love working, but we'd be ok financially if I didn't.

What did you do if you had 3+ school aged kids?

[Anonymous]

My mom went back to work when her youngest of four was in prek. She liked working and my parents didn’t need the money. She was bored being home with kids by the end but was committed to doing it herself.

[Anonymous]

I don’t really see how next year would be harder than this year. You already juggle work and 4 kids, and it will probably be even easier when they’re all at the same elementary school. You say you love working, so only knowing these details, it sounds like you should look for another role.

[Anonymous]

I’d find something part time. Nobody can take care of 4 kids and have a full time job and do both really well.

[Anonymous]

What are the odds that they'll all be healthy all the time? Will you be able to take off from work that often?

[Anonymous]

You don’t need a SAHP with 4 kids in school, especially if you haven’t needed one yet. However, you might want to have a SAHP because it is less stressful (if finances allow and the SAHP is happy in that role). I stayed home long-term and enjoyed having the ability to volunteer, host play dates and have the flexibility for my kids to participate in activities/sports afterschool. There was no stress about snow days or sick days. DH didn’t have to worry about a thing during his work day. I enjoyed the time with my kids and had a nice routine but it’s not for everyone. Years later I see what it cost me in terms of career. It’s not just a loss of income but I literally cannot get a decent job. After a long search, I accepted an entry level job believing that I could advance but that was not the case. Age discrimination is real and I think supervisors who were working parents look down on those who have been at home. I am great at my job, work lots of free overtime and have excellent metrics but am constantly overlooked. I do have regrets.

[Anonymous]

Yes I would think so. So many activities. School stuff. Kids get sick. School lets put early. It seems like an ideal time to not be burdened with a job.

[Anonymous]

I only have two and stoped working when the youngest was little. It’s better for our family - healthy, home made meals made from scratch (cooking is a hobby of mine), present parent to navigate illnesses, injuries and all sorts of drama, someone to manage our social calendars, scheduling and travel, etc.
DH is better at his job and we are better parents and partners because I don’t work.

[Anonymous]

With 4 kids, you'd need a nanny or SAH. Who would handle sick days, after school, drive to activities, no school days, summers, etc. I found kids need you more as they get older.

[Anonymous]

Write the kids’ schedule out for the whole year (considering school breaks, snow days, illnesses, doctors appts, sport and music schedules and practice, religious education, camps, vacations, food prep and family meals, parent daily exercise, etc) and see what you think you’ll need for adult oversight and driving around. Think about how much you want to do vs outsourcing.

[Anonymous]

I think this is doable with generous telework or remote work flexibility. I honestly don't know how it's going to work for us with RTO and we only have one. There are just so many teacher work days, early releases, sick days (for you times four), etc.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you have to stay home at all. Aftercare programs cover all the random days off school and most snow days. Do your kids get sick a lot? I have three but we have many years with no sick days, and most with o Lu one for the whole family. Mine are 6, 4, and 1, but adding a Ker wouldn’t break us.

For us, the problem is after school activities. The sixth grader comes home to an empty house and is alone for 90 minutes some days, and we can’t do a lot of sports/classes because I can’t get them there by 5. Classes that start later interfere with the youngest’s bedtime, so we also can’t do stuff from 7-8:30, for example. So you have to be okay with fewer after school activities than is normal around here.

[Anonymous]

I'll be the voice of dissent, and say that if you love your work, it's doable, although it can be stressful, and require a somewhat flexible job.

I have four kids ages 14, 14, 11, 6 and have worked full time. We don't have a nanny or really any help, and never have except when our twins were little and they would go to MIL's house twice a week.

Thankfully, I WFH, and my job is flexible in that most of the time, if a kid is sick, I can work while having a kid home with me, leave for a few minutes to pick up kids, take time off for dr's appts, etc.

DH also WFH but for himself, and in some ways has less flexibility, but still is able to help some of the time.

We may order takeout more than if one of us stayed home or our house may not be perfectly clean. But, I'm not sure if one of us SAH it would be that much better. If anything, what I wish that I could do is drop down in hours to like 30 hours/week to give me extra time, but it's not possible with where I'm at in my career right now.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, the children deserve your full attention and time.

[Anonymous]

I don't know. You are probably better at juggling since you have more kids.

We only have 2 kids. I stayed home starting from when the youngest was very young. We were MC then and we were able to economize on things to also get weekly cleaners and household help. Even with support and fairly comfortable financial situation (my pay was not needed to pay the bills), I found it very challenging to remain at home and take care of every thing that needed to be taken care of.

I also supplemented and enriched my kids at home through their school years and it took an enormous amount of research and prep from me to be able to do that. I wanted to maximize the benefit that my kids derived from being an educated mom at home and wanted to give them a leg up in their education, EC activities, health, socialization and mental health/strength.

The amount of time and attention that your kids need does not diminish from baby and toddler stage to HS Teens. In fact in some ways the kids need more support and guidance through the tween and teen years, but just in a different way.