Working parent dealing w SAHM “envy”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those women at the bus stop must not be socially skilled if they can't keep the conversation going after you say, "Busy with work." I'd ask, "Oh, what kind of work do you do?" etc. It's not hard.

No, OP needs to be able to talk about something besides work. She also needs to drop her bias that she is better than the other moms at the bus stop. Like a PP said, she only works 30 hours a week. That leaves lots of time for other things OP should be able to communicate about.

Why? I talk about what I spend the majority of my doing. It's natural and that's why the SAHMs talk about their trips to Target or the gym or whatever they do with their days. She works 30 hrs and spends the other 10 dealing with kid stuff. What's there to say about pick up and drop off? If those women cannot think of how to include the OP in their conversation, that's sad and maybe a sign they should go to work before their brains rot.

[Anonymous]

I would rather bebop around home goods than deal with hours of endless zoom meetings where nothing gets accomplished. I would rather take Pilates than respond to 20 emails that could have been solved with one phone call. I would rather spend the afternoon making a fun recipe than pretty much anything I did at my old job.

Work is stressful, annoying, and, Unless you are researching a cure for pediatric cancer, isn't actually doing much to make the world a better place.

But you know what WOULD make the world a better place, not judging the hobbies and lives of people you barely know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those women at the bus stop must not be socially skilled if they can't keep the conversation going after you say, "Busy with work." I'd ask, "Oh, what kind of work do you do?" etc. It's not hard.

No, OP needs to be able to talk about something besides work. She also needs to drop her bias that she is better than the other moms at the bus stop. Like a PP said, she only works 30 hours a week. That leaves lots of time for other things OP should be able to communicate about.

Why? I talk about what I spend the majority of my doing. It's natural and that's why the SAHMs talk about their trips to Target or the gym or whatever they do with their days. She works 30 hrs and spends the other 10 dealing with kid stuff. What's there to say about pick up and drop off? If those women cannot think of how to include the OP in their conversation, that's sad and maybe a sign they should go to work before their brains rot.

I’m a sahm and I do not talk about trips to target. I do often talk about kid stuff with other moms like fun places to take kids over the weekend, what people are doing for spring break, a new restaurant or cafe our family went to, etc. I also usually talk to moms I like or the parents or my kids’ friends. If you are neither, I may say hello but feel no need to try to talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those women at the bus stop must not be socially skilled if they can't keep the conversation going after you say, "Busy with work." I'd ask, "Oh, what kind of work do you do?" etc. It's not hard.

You do not engage with someone who does not want to engage. Because then you will come across as nosy. If the OP just says "Busy with work" and does not leave an opening that invites more comments and interaction, then the SAHMs at the busstop are not that uncouth as to not take the hint.

[Anonymous]

Is this a troll thread? I’ve been SAH for awhile and do not hear people talking about Target. Working parents to talk to each other about work sometimes. But mostly I hear parents talking about kids and kid related things - camps, sports, what activities Larla is in, school events, etc.

If OP isn’t a troll she is tone deaf. Nobody wants to hear about your work, not even other working moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those women at the bus stop must not be socially skilled if they can't keep the conversation going after you say, "Busy with work." I'd ask, "Oh, what kind of work do you do?" etc. It's not hard.

Depending on her tone, “busy with work” might be seen as a *deliberate* conversation killer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk about the weathe, sports or the govt melting down.

I also find it mindnumbing to listen to stories about their errands.

I remember our nanny calling in sick one day so I took my daughter to dance class. I was waiting for class to get out and ended up listening to the moms compare which HomeGoods had better stock and when each HomeGoods restocked so you could go look for the best stuff. I couldn't believe anyone had time for that. Totally mind numbing.

Yep. I am a SAHM who doesn't like shopping, decorating, going to Pilates, etc. So, basically I don't really have SAHM friends once the toddler/preschool playgroups ended.

+1 not my jam either. I met others who are into the things I enjoy, like volunteering at the nature conservancy, writing, gardening. But we talk about everything under the sun, from philosophy and religion, to politics and French cooking.

[Anonymous]

I wfh too and some of my best friends are stay at home moms. We talk about our kids, school, vacations, politics, what we’re cooking, what we’re watching or reading, holiday/weekend plans (though I have less time for that.) ie we talk about what we do have in common, not what we do all day during the week.

In terms of small chat.. just ask them about themselves

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're the one creating the problem. Stop saying you were busy with work. Talk about how you are reading a great book or made heart-shaped cookies with your kids last night, or you're looking forward to seeing family this weekend.

This. I’ve been both a SAHM and a WAH mom as well as a WOH mom. If you mention work to stay at home moms, most of them will not pursue that conversation. They will either feel you judging them for not working or whatever it is. You have to meet them where they are and talk about the stuff outside of your job. I personally am always very interested in what people do for a living and their day-to-day experience at work, so I probably would have asked you lots of questions, but most people don’t have that interest that’s true even of people who also have paid jobs.

[Anonymous]

It's truly amazing to me that there seem to be adult women who are unable to hold a five minute conversation at the bus stop without making it about SAHM vs. WOHM.

No one cares if you work or don't work, but they WILL judge you if you are so up your own butt that you can't have a civil level of small talk with someone who made a different choice than you did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If having a normal conversation makes you perturbed then make the kid walk home themselves.

Agreed. Not every conversation needs to be deep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all sound socially incapable or maybe rude. SAHMs are not shocked when other women work. Normal SAHMs would ask you if you’ve been working on anything interesting/challenging/traveling a lot for work recently/changed jobs etc. They know appropriate superficial, work-related questions to ask if your response indicates you want to talk about work for small talk. If they really go silent when you mention work, they sound utterly socially inept.

I think you sound inept and hostile for responding to something as anodyne as “how’s your day” by talking about work. Surely when someone at work in a meeting opens by saying “how’s the morning?” You don’t respond by saying “busy with work.” Why not grant the SAHMs the courtesy of a normal answer to that question.

Lol to this. My kid goes to a school where about 80-90% of the moms are SAHMs and literally none of them have ever asked me any of the above questions or any other questions about work. Literally never. And yes in work meetings if you ask someone how their day is going they will often/usually say “busy”

So you cannot discern the difference between a work meeting and a social informal gathering? You need a life coach.

LOL I am not the OP and I have no problem making conversation with SAHMs or any other people. I was just responding to the ridiculous poster who said SAHMs will often make conversation about a WOHM's work. That NEVER happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're the one creating the problem. Stop saying you were busy with work. Talk about how you are reading a great book or made heart-shaped cookies with your kids last night, or you're looking forward to seeing family this weekend.

This. I’ve been both a SAHM and a WAH mom as well as a WOH mom. If you mention work to stay at home moms, most of them will not pursue that conversation. They will either feel you judging them for not working or whatever it is. You have to meet them where they are and talk about the stuff outside of your job. I personally am always very interested in what people do for a living and their day-to-day experience at work, so I probably would have asked you lots of questions, but most people don’t have that interest that’s true even of people who also have paid jobs.

SAHM here. I find some people’s work very interesting. Some other jobs sound boring and uninteresting. I know some moms who just work to pay the bills. Others are busy being a physician or lawyer and don’t have enough time. Most of my friends are working moms and we have plenty in common to be friends.

Besides being a SAHM or working mom, when you are middle aged, it is harder to find people to really connect with. We are all busy whether we work or not. I put in a lot less effort than when my kids were in preschool or kindergarten. Those were the years I tried to connect with other parents.

[Anonymous]

OP. I work and am not as wealthy as the woman in my area nor could even make it to the bus stop all the time, but I've learned that as the kids get older they have more breadth of things to talk about. If you are going to live in a wealthy stay at home area you are going to have to find other things to talk about. Taking care of the dog is a big one. Taking care of parents, working out, sports, food, shopping, doctor appointments, books read, local activities for kids and adults, vacations, meeting hubby for lunch or date night, school, pta. Hopefully some of these topics appeal to you or you can fake it till you make it and have some friends for yourself and your kids. Even the people I know that work 60 hours have other things to say. They enjoy their free time but also enjoy their job and aren't jealous or at least don't allude this.

[Anonymous]

I have a more flexible job so I can spend more time with my kids. Occasionally I’ll meet someone like you OP who can NOT IMAGINE how anyone does anything outside of work. Their job is just SO busy and full and constant.

I woke a flexible job on purpose. And yes so I can go see the talent show at 10am or take a few hours to volunteer at school.

If they ask what you’ve been up to, and they already know you work, say something else. It’s just chit chat.