One person in relationship doesn’t like school dances

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The person who wants to prevent the other from attending with friends is out of line and controlling.

Sorry I worded it wrong. Nobody is preventing anyone going with friends. The kid who doesn’t want to go is my kid. I posted because I’m not sure if I should encourage them to go even if it’s beyond their comfort zone. Or just leave it alone. I’m not officially intervening, just looking for advice. My kid is absolutely fine if the other goes with friends, they’re not controlling at all. Just doesn’t enjoy dances.

They dont have to go if they don't want to go. Sometimes it's nice to do something one doesn't fully enjoy for the other person. But not all the time and it's not in any way required and the other person shouldn't like them less for not stepping out of their comfort zone.

This is a good framing. I appreciate that OP is trying to help her son learn about relationship expectations through a topic that a parent can address (school dances).

I agree. This is the kind of guidance people are talking about when they say they like the idea of their teens having high school relationships to learn at home. Why are so many people acting like the mom is out of line? This would be a normal dinner conversation in my house. I am not trying to bring it up over and over again, but if it came up I would probably do a little coaching. The flip side is that you are also coaching that it is good to have balance and maintain friendships while dating.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the whole thread.

I think that it's common for dynamics to develop between people, and particularly young people who are still learning how to have a relationship, where the friends or couple ends up doing things that one person likes over the other.

If this is a one off thing, where they usually have things they both like to do, and in this one case they have different opinions, then I would say that his suggestion that she goes with friends.

If this is a situation where she is always pressuring him to do things outside his comfort zone, I'd want him to reflect on whether that's a real friendship or a relationship worth continuing.

If it's a situation where he isn't open to doing anything that isn't what he chooses, and doesn't have any flexibility to include things she likes, then that's a different conversation to have. He might not need to go to the dance, but there should be a balance of activities in the relationship that appeal to each person.

I don't think you can answer this question without context.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think this is fine to skip this and other smaller dances and great that your child is secure enough to want the sig other to go and enjoy the dance. Not sure what age the kids are but when it comes to prom I would encourage your child to go. It will mean a lot to the other person.

[Anonymous]

Mom? Are you posting from the early 90s?

She never understood how I went to the prom with a group of friends because my boyfriend had no interest and I didn’t care. All of us went as a group of friends, whoever wanted to go. It was common even back then for only 1 of a couple to attend. These dances were never big romantic things. We went, stopped by for a while and then left.

No, both don’t have to go if they don’t want to.

[Anonymous]

Omg how is this a question right now you have feeedim of choice

However you dam idiots who voted for Dt your daughters have now lost all rights and will be going to prom to produce child to breed ie the heritage foundation ration Project 2025 continues

Votes matter

OP screw off no one has to go to prom or any dance if you can’t figure that out now your kids are doomed again right now we have freedom of choice we won’t ina few months or less

[Anonymous]

This is for your child and their partner to work out, not your business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: The other who does not is okay with the other one going with friends if they want.

The fact that you wrote this is wild to me. The entire question is so odd that I'm wondering if you are in a controlling relationship.

Sounds like the opposite of controlling to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The person who wants to prevent the other from attending with friends is out of line and controlling.

Sorry I worded it wrong. Nobody is preventing anyone going with friends. The kid who doesn’t want to go is my kid. I posted because I’m not sure if I should encourage them to go even if it’s beyond their comfort zone. Or just leave it alone. I’m not officially intervening, just looking for advice. My kid is absolutely fine if the other goes with friends, they’re not controlling at all. Just doesn’t enjoy dances.

They dont have to go if they don't want to go. Sometimes it's nice to do something one doesn't fully enjoy for the other person. But not all the time and it's not in any way required and the other person shouldn't like them less for not stepping out of their comfort zone.

This is a good framing. I appreciate that OP is trying to help her son learn about relationship expectations through a topic that a parent can address (school dances).

I agree. This is the kind of guidance people are talking about when they say they like the idea of their teens having high school relationships to learn at home. Why are so many people acting like the mom is out of line? This would be a normal dinner conversation in my house. I am not trying to bring it up over and over again, but if it came up I would probably do a little coaching. The flip side is that you are also coaching that it is good to have balance and maintain friendships while dating.

I agree. Teenagers are learning, it’s appropriate to offer them some perspective.