One person in relationship doesn’t like school dances

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The person who wants to prevent the other from attending with friends is out of line and controlling.

Sorry I worded it wrong. Nobody is preventing anyone going with friends. The kid who doesn’t want to go is my kid. I posted because I’m not sure if I should encourage them to go even if it’s beyond their comfort zone. Or just leave it alone. I’m not officially intervening, just looking for advice. My kid is absolutely fine if the other goes with friends, they’re not controlling at all. Just doesn’t enjoy dances.

You should stay out of it completely. If the other kid wants to go she will pressure him and if he likes her enough he will cave. If not, great!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teen is in a relationship. They’ve been dating awhile. One of the two wants to go to a school dance and the other does not. The other who does not is okay with the other one going with friends if they want.

Is there an expectation to be fulfilled if you’re in a relationship to go to these types of things even if you don’t want to?

Gotta dance. Or the relationship will die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, you don’t have to go to a dance if you don’t want to. My husband would like to get dressed up and go to formal charity balls. That sounds like the seventh circle of hell to me. We don’t go, but if he went without me, that would be fine.

I’ll bet you went when you were dating. And I bet you would have had a big problem him going by himself when you were dating.

[Anonymous]

I would stay out of it. Let your teen make their own decisions on this matter. They will learn from whatever choice they make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teen is in a relationship. They’ve been dating awhile. One of the two wants to go to a school dance and the other does not. The other who does not is okay with the other one going with friends if they want.

Is there an expectation to be fulfilled if you’re in a relationship to go to these types of things even if you don’t want to?

Unless we are talking a same sex couple, I bet it’s a boy that doesn’t want to dance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen is in a relationship. They’ve been dating awhile. One of the two wants to go to a school dance and the other does not. The other who does not is okay with the other one going with friends if they want.

Is there an expectation to be fulfilled if you’re in a relationship to go to these types of things even if you don’t want to?

Unless we are talking a same sex couple, I bet it’s a boy that doesn’t want to dance.

You are correct (op)

[Anonymous]

I will stay out of it, thank you all. Helpful advice.

(Op)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The person who wants to prevent the other from attending with friends is out of line and controlling.

Sorry I worded it wrong. Nobody is preventing anyone going with friends. The kid who doesn’t want to go is my kid. I posted because I’m not sure if I should encourage them to go even if it’s beyond their comfort zone. Or just leave it alone. I’m not officially intervening, just looking for advice. My kid is absolutely fine if the other goes with friends, they’re not controlling at all. Just doesn’t enjoy dances.

They dont have to go if they don't want to go. Sometimes it's nice to do something one doesn't fully enjoy for the other person. But not all the time and it's not in any way required and the other person shouldn't like them less for not stepping out of their comfort zone.

This is a good framing. I appreciate that OP is trying to help her son learn about relationship expectations through a topic that a parent can address (school dances).

[Anonymous]

Is he asking for your advice?

If so, I might say, "You should not do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. But sometimes in relationships, it's nice to do things the other partners likes even if you would prefer not to. Going to a dance is something many girls like to go to with a date, so it's a nice thing to do for your girlfriend."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he asking for your advice?

If so, I might say, "You should not do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. But sometimes in relationships, it's nice to do things the other partners likes even if you would prefer not to. Going to a dance is something many girls like to go to with a date, so it's a nice thing to do for your girlfriend."

THIS.

[Anonymous]

No, there is no responsibility to attend an event they don’t want to attend- and frankly it’s healthy to advocate for ones self and be respected

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he asking for your advice?

If so, I might say, "You should not do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. But sometimes in relationships, it's nice to do things the other partners likes even if you would prefer not to. Going to a dance is something many girls like to go to with a date, so it's a nice thing to do for your girlfriend."

Thank you!! This is good advice.
(Op)

[Anonymous]

Who cares?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teen is in a relationship. They’ve been dating awhile. One of the two wants to go to a school dance and the other does not. The other who does not is okay with the other one going with friends if they want.

Is there an expectation to be fulfilled if you’re in a relationship to go to these types of things even if you don’t want to?

Ignore the a$$holes on the thread. It's fair to wonder b/c relationship norms are so different now. I'm seeing this with my DC and her bf. I don't fully understand how they "work" and it is perplexing sometimes. And I know a couple kids who did not even go to HOCO with their BFs for whatever reason. And they're still dating.

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend senior year didn't want to go to prom. I was disappointed, but went with two girlfriends and we had a good time.