SAHM friend divorcing against her will

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her storing is compelling: prenup was presented 3 days before marriage, long marriage, shared child, hasn’t worked for a long time because she cared for the child, recently survived cancer and her husband left her after her double mastectomy. A good attorney should be able to do something with those facts.

This. He should be paying allimony, child support and she get 50% of everything. I would find an attorney to fight the prenup.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:She is college educated and thus there is no reason she shouldn't have a full time job. If he died she'd get a job.

You’re delusional. She is a nearly 50 year old cancer survivor. Jobs don’t actually grow on trees; it will be very difficult if not impossible for her to find gainful employment.

pretty sure she can find a job even at that age, just not a high paying one.

And the fact that she can't find a high paying one because she gave up her career to take care of his family is precisely why alimony and settlements exist.

Yup. I know DCUM professional women think it’s feminist to hate on SAHMs, but this woman can’t just magically start supporting herself and her kid even with a college degree. Her husband used her and is attempting to screw her over, and I hope she takes him to the cleaners.

+1 I feel for her. That’s so tragic.

I don’t feel for the SAHMs I know that had no illnesses or disabilities and chose to have multiple affairs and get served. If you are in a situation depending on 100% financial support from a spouse you are a giant dumb@ss to betray that hand that feeds you and puts a roof over your head by banging other people—-have time for that yet no time to pitch in.

Presumably she signed the prenup and decided to stay at home way before she got diagnosed with cancer. IF she was employed, she would have had long term insurance and FMLA while she recovered.

Most people don't have long term insurance.

[Anonymous]

Seems like she dropped out of the world at what, 30? Hasn't worked the entire time she's been married? No need for alimony, just get a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the main reasons I would never be a SAHM.

Mama always said a man is not a plan.

Yep..

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:She is college educated and thus there is no reason she shouldn't have a full time job. If he died she'd get a job.

You’re delusional. She is a nearly 50 year old cancer survivor. Jobs don’t actually grow on trees; it will be very difficult if not impossible for her to find gainful employment.

pretty sure she can find a job even at that age, just not a high paying one.

And the fact that she can't find a high paying one because she gave up her career to take care of his family is precisely why alimony and settlements exist.

Yup. I know DCUM professional women think it’s feminist to hate on SAHMs, but this woman can’t just magically start supporting herself and her kid even with a college degree. Her husband used her and is attempting to screw her over, and I hope she takes him to the cleaners.

+1 I feel for her. That’s so tragic.

I don’t feel for the SAHMs I know that had no illnesses or disabilities and chose to have multiple affairs and get served. If you are in a situation depending on 100% financial support from a spouse you are a giant dumb@ss to betray that hand that feeds you and puts a roof over your head by banging other people—-have time for that yet no time to pitch in.

Presumably she signed the prenup and decided to stay at home way before she got diagnosed with cancer. IF she was employed, she would have had long term insurance and FMLA while she recovered.

Most people don't have long term insurance.

Every employer I ever worked for offered it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her storing is compelling: prenup was presented 3 days before marriage, long marriage, shared child, hasn’t worked for a long time because she cared for the child, recently survived cancer and her husband left her after her double mastectomy. A good attorney should be able to do something with those facts.

And what is she going to pay this good attorney with, Monopoly money?

😩😩😩

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Oh wow. I hope karma gets that man. Big hugs to your friend.

Sure. But OPs friend needs to take some responsibility here. The pre nup should have been a red flag to not make her life 100% dependent on him.

+1. plus unless the child has SN, there is really no reason a woman with a college education does not work at all if she does not have her own money. I can see a situation where the H makes tons of money and is busy and the kid has lots of activities and both parents make the decision to have the mother stay home to keep the home front working and organized while the H is busy at work. but the joint decision must be reflected in protections for the wife (i.e. significant life insurance if H dies, savings and assets that are also in her name and so on). when somebody tells you even before the marriage that what he has is his and that he does not intend to pay alimony if he leaves you, you better believe him and either move on, or get and keep a good job for yourself. OP's friend will need a very good health insurance being a cancer survivor.

Np. What is wrong with you people???

I completely agree with PP. That's how mature adults think and prepare.

So her ex should live large while taxpayers support the woman who raised his children...

You and the PP with whom you are agreeing are not mature.

How in the world did you get THAT from what we said?

What did you think you were saying? Whether she should take responsibility or not is irrelevant at this point. She should get alimony and child support. That is all that matters at this point.

[Anonymous]

A pre-nup is not necessarily set in stone and depending on the state they are in, it could be modified or tossed entirely. It depends on many circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her storing is compelling: prenup was presented 3 days before marriage, long marriage, shared child, hasn’t worked for a long time because she cared for the child, recently survived cancer and her husband left her after her double mastectomy. A good attorney should be able to do something with those facts.

Stupid question...but assuming the XH is going to drag this divorce out for years and this woman has no money...what attorney agrees to work for free during what could be a multi-year period and get compensated at the end?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:She is college educated and thus there is no reason she shouldn't have a full time job. If he died she'd get a job.

You’re delusional. She is a nearly 50 year old cancer survivor. Jobs don’t actually grow on trees; it will be very difficult if not impossible for her to find gainful employment.

pretty sure she can find a job even at that age, just not a high paying one.

And the fact that she can't find a high paying one because she gave up her career to take care of his family is precisely why alimony and settlements exist.

Yup. I know DCUM professional women think it’s feminist to hate on SAHMs, but this woman can’t just magically start supporting herself and her kid even with a college degree. Her husband used her and is attempting to screw her over, and I hope she takes him to the cleaners.

+1 I feel for her. That’s so tragic.

I don’t feel for the SAHMs I know that had no illnesses or disabilities and chose to have multiple affairs and get served. If you are in a situation depending on 100% financial support from a spouse you are a giant dumb@ss to betray that hand that feeds you and puts a roof over your head by banging other people—-have time for that yet no time to pitch in.

Presumably she signed the prenup and decided to stay at home way before she got diagnosed with cancer. IF she was employed, she would have had long term insurance and FMLA while she recovered.

Most people don't have long term insurance.

Every employer I ever worked for offered it.

And I’ve never had an employer offer it. What’s your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the state but a prenup he sprung on her three days before? That could get thrown out. That's seen as duress by some states.

But that does not mean she will get alimony. Not for more than a year or two. Most women don't get alimony for long these days. She SHOULD get child support tho.

Not entirely true - depends on the state. Here in Va, the standard is alimony for half of the length of the marriage and anything over 20 years your looking at potential lifetime alimony (assuming there’s a discrepancy in incomes - which there is in OPs friends case).

This is wishful thinking. Family member went through this and only got 10 years and had to go back to work. Her H's gf was already pregnant during the divorce proceedings. Also, the alimony awarded was not enough to maintain the same standards of living.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is college educated and thus there is no reason she shouldn't have a full time job. If he died she'd get a job.

You’re delusional. She is a nearly 50 year old cancer survivor. Jobs don’t actually grow on trees; it will be very difficult if not impossible for her to find gainful employment.

The OP of the post is right, this is how judges think. There's zero compassion or understanding. Most judges are men and lots are conservative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Why is she hanging up on the pre-nap? If they could afford the expensive home and private school, there must be enough communal assets during the marriage to divide. She will get child support too. Even my friend has to pay her husband for child support LOL

I want to know this too. Half of communal assets should be a large sum plus child support. That's more than sufficient even without alimony.

[Anonymous]

she will still get child support and half of marital assets. that should be enough.

-a divorced 47-year-old woman who has always worked

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the state but a prenup he sprung on her three days before? That could get thrown out. That's seen as duress by some states.

But that does not mean she will get alimony. Not for more than a year or two. Most women don't get alimony for long these days. She SHOULD get child support tho.

Not entirely true - depends on the state. Here in Va, the standard is alimony for half of the length of the marriage and anything over 20 years your looking at potential lifetime alimony (assuming there’s a discrepancy in incomes - which there is in OPs friends case).

Even so, most women still don't get alimony. Often men don't make enough to support two households. Married 10 years, fed attorney husband, I worked and no alimony.