Split shifts with a newborn - need advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a “rule” with both of our kids: there needs to be one adult who is getting sleep. Two adults with interrupted sleep is a disaster.

As the breastfeeding parent, that meant that I was the one getting up with the baby in the middle of the night and dealing with interrupted sleep. It helped me knowing that this was just what it was going to be. BUT during the day, I really didn’t do anything else. I slept as much as possible. When the baby slept, I slept. I wasn’t worried about meal prep or laundry or cleaning. My spouse, the one who was getting sleep, was taking care of that.

Hang in there. That approach worked for us, but it might not be best for you.

Congratulations.

This. You’re up at night but spouse does most of the chores. Also, make sure you go to bed as early as possible. I would BF my baby at 7, hand him off to my spouse, and go straight to bed. No tv, no phone, just sleep until the next feeding.

Similar here - and if your baby only naps on someone right now sometimes having a third set of hands enables just a few extra hours, if that’s possible. My mom would hold her for her morning nap, which gave me another 2-3 stretch. For the first two weeks, I would sleep 7-1 and be awake only to feed, and then take the baby from 1-6. It was totally fine! We started her in her crib at that point and both got some sleep. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a newborn so no, you can’t get 5 hours sleep straight.

100% agree

OP, it's only been a few days.

[Anonymous]

Give it like at least 3 weeks before you expect sleep. No one sleeps more than 2 hours at a time with a 4 day old baby!

[Anonymous]

I just had a baby the week before thanksgiving and we decided to just combo feed. The baby is still getting all the benefits of breastfeeding according to the pediatrician but my husband and I can share feeding responsibilities equally. It’s working for us. Don’t pressure yourself to EBF if it’s making you exhausted and unhappy. There’s a reason modern interventions like formula and epidurals exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is hilarious. When was the last time any of you had kids, 1980??? OP is four *days* postpartum. DAYS! Feeding is going to take an hour and she’s going to need to expect zero sleep! The baby is four days old! Quit projecting how terrible breastfeeding went for you or how much sleep you did or didn’t need because it doesn’t matter at all. OP is four days pp!

OP, nothing is wrong, this is precisely how it’s supposed to be four days pp, and it incrementally gets better. Talk to your pediatrician and read a sleep training book to prepare for week 2+.

+1

I wrote something nicer up thread. But this is really what I was thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just want to remind you that you are really in the trenches - days 3-5 were always the hardest for me! Have you talked to a lactation consultant? Generally they can do a telemedicine consult to talk through something like this - I did it with both of mine. My personal experience was that I couldn't sleep longer than 3 or maybe 3.5 hours for the first couple of weeks as baby was figuring out life on the outside and my supply was regulating, but after that, we were able to figure out a shift system that didn't affect my supply. In our case, I did still get less sleep than DH, but I could get a good 4 hour stretch for myself most nights by the time he was 4 weeks old.
Also, just in case no one else is telling you this (because I wish someone had to me with my first) - breastfeeding is amazing, but so is formula. I've done both. You're an amazing mom either way. Taking care of yourself IS taking care of your baby, and formula can sometimes be part of that.

I’m the OP. I’m even open to 3-3.5 hour stretches of sleep. I don’t get that with the frequent and long feedings. A feeding takes up to 1 hour each time between diaper changing, feeding, and burping. We are so thankful for the Snoo because we just put him in it and that puts him to sleep. He’s still up eating every 1.5-3 hours.

PP. Yes, everything you described is normal for the first couple of weeks. It’s brutal but you get through it. With my first, I stuck it out because I wanted to breastfeed so badly. With my second, I switched to formula because he ate more often and by day 4 or 5 I couldn’t handle only sleeping in 2 hour stretches any longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just want to remind you that you are really in the trenches - days 3-5 were always the hardest for me! Have you talked to a lactation consultant? Generally they can do a telemedicine consult to talk through something like this - I did it with both of mine. My personal experience was that I couldn't sleep longer than 3 or maybe 3.5 hours for the first couple of weeks as baby was figuring out life on the outside and my supply was regulating, but after that, we were able to figure out a shift system that didn't affect my supply. In our case, I did still get less sleep than DH, but I could get a good 4 hour stretch for myself most nights by the time he was 4 weeks old.
Also, just in case no one else is telling you this (because I wish someone had to me with my first) - breastfeeding is amazing, but so is formula. I've done both. You're an amazing mom either way. Taking care of yourself IS taking care of your baby, and formula can sometimes be part of that.

I’m the OP. I’m even open to 3-3.5 hour stretches of sleep. I don’t get that with the frequent and long feedings. A feeding takes up to 1 hour each time between diaper changing, feeding, and burping. We are so thankful for the Snoo because we just put him in it and that puts him to sleep. He’s still up eating every 1.5-3 hours.

PP. Yes, everything you described is normal for the first couple of weeks. It’s brutal but you get through it. With my first, I stuck it out because I wanted to breastfeed so badly. With my second, I switched to formula because he ate more often and by day 4 or 5 I couldn’t handle only sleeping in 2 hour stretches any longer.

Literal exact opposite. My baby turned a corner at about 4 weeks, breastfeeding was so smooth, way way easier than bottle prep, started sleeping like a champ, and I LOVED the breastfeeding bond. Had I thrown in the towel on day…5? (which seems pretty absurd if you even have a tiny inkling of desire to bf) I would’ve missed one of my favorite parts of newborn days.

[Anonymous]

What do were your expectations when you had a a baby, op?

I would nurse and pump a little milk so you can sleep through a feeding. Also have your husband just wake up and give you the baby do you can nurse without waking. The reality is new parents are tired this season will pass though.

If it really comes down to it just use formula.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is hilarious. When was the last time any of you had kids, 1980??? OP is four *days* postpartum. DAYS! Feeding is going to take an hour and she’s going to need to expect zero sleep! The baby is four days old! Quit projecting how terrible breastfeeding went for you or how much sleep you did or didn’t need because it doesn’t matter at all. OP is four days pp!

OP, nothing is wrong, this is precisely how it’s supposed to be four days pp, and it incrementally gets better. Talk to your pediatrician and read a sleep training book to prepare for week 2+.

+1

I wrote something nicer up thread. But this is really what I was thinking.

+2

OP, your baby is a few days old. Nurse, changes diapers, and sleep. Your DH should be doing everything else. This is just what it is. It will pass. Like literally every day it will get better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do were your expectations when you had a a baby, op?

I would nurse and pump a little milk so you can sleep through a feeding. Also have your husband just wake up and give you the baby do you can nurse without waking. The reality is new parents are tired this season will pass though.

If it really comes down to it just use formula.

I’m the OP. This may sound naive but I didn’t expect such frequent feedings or how long a feeding would take. We are averaging 20-60 minutes per feeding,
with the latter time for most.

I’m not interested in giving up on breastfeeding yet.

I am pumping and I’m able to get a little milk leftover that I’m freezing or using for skin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just want to remind you that you are really in the trenches - days 3-5 were always the hardest for me! Have you talked to a lactation consultant? Generally they can do a telemedicine consult to talk through something like this - I did it with both of mine. My personal experience was that I couldn't sleep longer than 3 or maybe 3.5 hours for the first couple of weeks as baby was figuring out life on the outside and my supply was regulating, but after that, we were able to figure out a shift system that didn't affect my supply. In our case, I did still get less sleep than DH, but I could get a good 4 hour stretch for myself most nights by the time he was 4 weeks old.
Also, just in case no one else is telling you this (because I wish someone had to me with my first) - breastfeeding is amazing, but so is formula. I've done both. You're an amazing mom either way. Taking care of yourself IS taking care of your baby, and formula can sometimes be part of that.

I’m the OP. I’m even open to 3-3.5 hour stretches of sleep. I don’t get that with the frequent and long feedings. A feeding takes up to 1 hour each time between diaper changing, feeding, and burping. We are so thankful for the Snoo because we just put him in it and that puts him to sleep. He’s still up eating every 1.5-3 hours.

PP. Yes, everything you described is normal for the first couple of weeks. It’s brutal but you get through it. With my first, I stuck it out because I wanted to breastfeed so badly. With my second, I switched to formula because he ate more often and by day 4 or 5 I couldn’t handle only sleeping in 2 hour stretches any longer.

Literal exact opposite. My baby turned a corner at about 4 weeks, breastfeeding was so smooth, way way easier than bottle prep, started sleeping like a champ, and I LOVED the breastfeeding bond. Had I thrown in the towel on day…5? (which seems pretty absurd if you even have a tiny inkling of desire to bf) I would’ve missed one of my favorite parts of newborn days.

PP. It’s pretty presumptuous of you to use the word “absurd.” I had bruising and broken skin because baby couldn’t latch properly (multiple lactation consultants couldn’t figure out the problem, and I was not a breastfeeding rookie) but was also cluster feeding every hour or so at night. I was crying at every feeding from the pain. I also had a 2 year old and was delirious from the sleep deprivation. I was so sad to switch to formula (exclusively breastfed my first for 14 months) but it was undoubtedly the right decision for me.

[Anonymous]

Can you have a night nurse for a bit, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do were your expectations when you had a a baby, op?

I would nurse and pump a little milk so you can sleep through a feeding. Also have your husband just wake up and give you the baby do you can nurse without waking. The reality is new parents are tired this season will pass though.

If it really comes down to it just use formula.

I’m the OP. This may sound naive but I didn’t expect such frequent feedings or how long a feeding would take. We are averaging 20-60 minutes per feeding,
with the latter time for most.

I’m not interested in giving up on breastfeeding yet.

I am pumping and I’m able to get a little milk leftover that I’m freezing or using for skin.

OP I actually am not sure it is normal for feedings to take that long. Even as a newborn mine took about 10-15 minutes tops. Sixty minutes sounds really extreme and like there’s a milk transfer issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do were your expectations when you had a a baby, op?

I would nurse and pump a little milk so you can sleep through a feeding. Also have your husband just wake up and give you the baby do you can nurse without waking. The reality is new parents are tired this season will pass though.

If it really comes down to it just use formula.

I’m the OP. This may sound naive but I didn’t expect such frequent feedings or how long a feeding would take. We are averaging 20-60 minutes per feeding,
with the latter time for most.

I’m not interested in giving up on breastfeeding yet.

I am pumping and I’m able to get a little milk leftover that I’m freezing or using for skin.

OP I actually am not sure it is normal for feedings to take that long. Even as a newborn mine took about 10-15 minutes tops. Sixty minutes sounds really extreme and like there’s a milk transfer issue.

10-15 is really fast but 60 is crazy long. If it doesn’t get easier and quicker, Op, remind yourself that you have options.

I hope you are off sleeping but in case you come back: you are doing fine, it is so hard, but it will get better fast.

[Anonymous]

OP the happiest day of my life was the day I decided to give up breastfeeding. It just wasn't working for us. My son hated being put to the breast and would shake his head furiously when it was offered.

I had a huge supply so I just pumped instead. And the midnight bottle was mixed with formula.

By six weeks we were all sleeping from midnight to 5:30 a.m. and because one parent handled the midnight feeding, that parent got 8 hours of sleep.