My (potential) date wants a ride

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. First in person dates are in public spaces. You don't let someone you don't know into your car.

Agree. And even foreign men know to get a taxi to a date.

[Anonymous]

I'd probably just say no. If he seems great otherwise, go to his area but have him take an uber to meet you somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd run from that. I'm a man and I had a date with a woman who lived in NOVA. I let her pick the restaurant and assumed we would meet there. She texted, no, you have to pick me up. The date was a total disaster and I won't get into the details of why but her not having a car should have been my first clue. It did strike me as a red flag, but I ignored it. You should not and you are right to question it. Or do you want to date someone you will have to drive around all the time, including helping him run his errands?

The text with her telling you to pick her up would have been my last communication with her. You’re a bigger person than most.
-a lot woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd run from that. I'm a man and I had a date with a woman who lived in NOVA. I let her pick the restaurant and assumed we would meet there. She texted, no, you have to pick me up. The date was a total disaster and I won't get into the details of why but her not having a car should have been my first clue. It did strike me as a red flag, but I ignored it. You should not and you are right to question it. Or do you want to date someone you will have to drive around all the time, including helping him run his errands?

The text with her telling you to pick her up would have been my last communication with her. You’re a bigger person than most.
-a lot woman

Hahah not a lot woman. Just a woman.

[Anonymous]

I don’t care if he just landed here from Mars. Do not give him a ride. Cross him off the list.

[Anonymous]

Very Important Tip: Never let a stranger in your car who is wearing gloves.

I learned this when attempting to sell one of my cars online. Turned out that the man was a professional car thief for a chop-shop. Put on "driving gloves" prior to touching any part of the vehicle before a "test drive".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me, Not having a car is not a red flag. FYI Many successful grown men from Boston or NYC do not have cars or are comfortable driving. however Not being resourceful enough to get to the date probably would be a red flag to me.

If he’s new to the country he may not drive or it may take a while to get up to speed on our driving/DMV laws. He may currently be in the process of getting a car/license/insurance.

OP, If you really like this guy, I would not run. I’d take the time to get to know the why.

New poster and came to say what PP says above in bold. Not owning a car, per se, is not a red flag. Not driving, in itself, is not the terrible sin many of us Americans tend to think it is. There are MANY reasons someone might not own a car, or even drive at all, even if they live in what you consider a not-walkable area.

But as PP notes: Not being resourceful enough to get to another location for a date on one's own steam is the part that would bother me. And for a first date with someone I'd only "met" virtually? The common wisdom is always to meet each other at a public place--restaurant, coffee shop, movie theater, park, whatever. Not to go to either person's home, and that includes pickups.

And OP, if your gut says you don't want a stranger in your car like this, listen to your gut. Like the PP above, if all else seemed fine, I might chalk up the ride request to his being from another country where perhaps this request would be no big deal, and I might not write him off JUST on this one thing - but I also would not pick him up for this first date! I'd tell him I can't give him a lift in either direction but would be fine with meeting him at [location whatever]. Then see if he wants the date enough to take initiative and find his way there--and his way back home. But that's about sticking to the basic safety protocols for meeting a stranger; it's not about judging the lack of a car as a problem in itself.

[Anonymous]

This happened to me once. He had a DUI.

[Anonymous]

I want to give positive examples here of dates with men who didn’t drive. One was very attractive, 2 years younger than me and a director at tech company. He worked remote, and was very pro environmental. Only biked around, living in Arlington.
The second was a lawyer with a rare eye decease .
None of them asked for rides; both took me on really nice first dates

[Anonymous]

Not having a car is fine, but bumming a ride on a first date is odd. I'd assume someone with no car would just use Uber, Lyft, taxi, public transit etc. to get to a first date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to give positive examples here of dates with men who didn’t drive. One was very attractive, 2 years younger than me and a director at tech company. He worked remote, and was very pro environmental. Only biked around, living in Arlington.
The second was a lawyer with a rare eye decease .
None of them asked for rides; both took me on really nice first dates

Everyone but that second guy, they need to stick to bring carless fully, which includes not using others' cars. Who wants to pay for cars, insurance, gas, etc, but we do because we need to, to do adult things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd run from that. I'm a man and I had a date with a woman who lived in NOVA. I let her pick the restaurant and assumed we would meet there. She texted, no, you have to pick me up. The date was a total disaster and I won't get into the details of why but her not having a car should have been my first clue. It did strike me as a red flag, but I ignored it. You should not and you are right to question it. Or do you want to date someone you will have to drive around all the time, including helping him run his errands?

The text with her telling you to pick her up would have been my last communication with her. You’re a bigger person than most.
-a lot woman

It took my by surprise. I was coming from a client's house and confirming my ETA to the restaurant with her. Yes, I did think to just call it off and wish I had later. At my age and experience dating, I shouldn't still have to be learning these lessons but I want to give people the benefit of the doubt. As I said, the whole date is a story in itself even if she had of driven herself. Very strange person.

[Anonymous]

In addition to safety concerns, this guy doesn’t seem like someone you want to date.

Like you said, OP, he shouldn’t be dating until he’s finished moving into his new city. Transportation is a basic need, and if he is going on dates before getting that settled, it could mean he’s not intending to buy a car anytime soon. It also suggests he’s addicted to OLD if he can’t go a couple weeks without a date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to give positive examples here of dates with men who didn’t drive. One was very attractive, 2 years younger than me and a director at tech company. He worked remote, and was very pro environmental. Only biked around, living in Arlington.
The second was a lawyer with a rare eye decease .
None of them asked for rides; both took me on really nice first dates

The difference is that OP’s date lives in a place where a car is needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like TLC sang a song about this guy.

I had the same thought!