BF's relationship with ex-girlfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend was in a long-term relationship that ended 6 years ago because of lack of intimacy. She was going through menopause at that time and no longer wanted to be intimate and he said that they also grew apart in other ways. They remained on friendly terms and he is close to her kids who are young adults. We have been dating for a little over a year now and his ex-girlfriend continues to reach out wanting to meet up with him and at times, sending him messages or she shows up when he meets up with her kids. I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable about all of this because it is clear to me that she has not really moved on (she has not dated since they broke up). I trust him and I don't think he has any romantic feelings for her and I know that he loves me a lot. We have a good relationship, great chemistry and many shared interests. I'm thinking that I should probably just let this go and not worry about it, but I can't help my feelings from time to time. He told me that she is lonely, has very few friends and seeks out his companionship.

Don't worry she is post menopause now and she probably looks like crap

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would a guy waste their time and effort on an ex that he has not kids with. Very odd, most guys are too busy for that stuff wtf

Exactly. OP has bigger issues to deal with. Her bf is weak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend was in a long-term relationship that ended 6 years ago because of lack of intimacy. She was going through menopause at that time and no longer wanted to be intimate and he said that they also grew apart in other ways. They remained on friendly terms and he is close to her kids who are young adults. We have been dating for a little over a year now and his ex-girlfriend continues to reach out wanting to meet up with him and at times, sending him messages or she shows up when he meets up with her kids. I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable about all of this because it is clear to me that she has not really moved on (she has not dated since they broke up). I trust him and I don't think he has any romantic feelings for her and I know that he loves me a lot. We have a good relationship, great chemistry and many shared interests. I'm thinking that I should probably just let this go and not worry about it, but I can't help my feelings from time to time. He told me that she is lonely, has very few friends and seeks out his companionship.

Don't worry she is post menopause now and she probably looks like crap

That’s what OP wishes based on other posts but men can still love or at least be emotionally attached to post-menopausal women. Men lie about and downplay the other woman all the time. She could be fat, ugly, old, lonely, whatever, and that theoretically puts GF #1 at ease, but the heart wants what the heart wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He shouldn’t be riding the fence here. What would happen if you asked him to cut all contact with her? A one time conversation that their communication with each other is really not appropriate any longer (it’s been SIX years). The kids are old enough to call on their own.

Maybe your boyfriend is a simply a nice guy and doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. I think the former girlfriend still has some feelings for him. If you are serious about the boyfriend, I think you can make some demands. The downside is you don’t really know how he will react, but wouldn’t you rather know now vs a year from now?

This is exactly what is going on. He really is a super nice guy who cares about people and he doesn't want to hurt her feelings. I would never want him to stop his involvement with her adult kids because I actually really like that he remained in their lives. I will have to make some decisions. I really love him and it would hurt to break it off.

[Anonymous]

His kids live in the town with her kids? When he spends time with her kids, are his kids there too? If they aren’t, it seems odd to use his limited time in the area to see other kids rather than maximize time with his own kids. Does he travel there specifically to see her kids (ie during the school year when his kids are away at college)? Or is he in the area for work (you may have said this and I missed it).

[Anonymous]

Don't worry she is post menopause now and she probably looks like crap
That’s what OP wishes based on other posts but men can still love or at least be emotionally attached to post-menopausal women. Men lie about and downplay the other woman all the time. She could be fat, ugly, old, lonely, whatever, and that theoretically puts GF #1 at ease, but the heart wants what the heart wants.

Her looks are irrelevant to.me. If he wanted to be with her, then he wouldn't have broken up with her. He did say some unkind things about her and I know what she looks like, but my issue has nothing to do with her looks or being postmenopausal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His kids live in the town with her kids? When he spends time with her kids, are his kids there too? If they aren’t, it seems odd to use his limited time in the area to see other kids rather than maximize time with his own kids. Does he travel there specifically to see her kids (ie during the school year when his kids are away at college)? Or is he in the area for work (you may have said this and I missed it).

He does not travel there to see her kids specifically and they do not live in thr same town. When he visits his.kids, then her kids will periodically come to town to join them. This would be totally fine with me. I am really hoping that we could perhaps all meet and that may make things perhaps a bit less.messy. I am not convinced though that the ex-girlfriend would be up to meeting me. She has previously tried to get him to meet up with just her by making up scenarios.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He shouldn’t be riding the fence here. What would happen if you asked him to cut all contact with her? A one time conversation that their communication with each other is really not appropriate any longer (it’s been SIX years). The kids are old enough to call on their own.

Maybe your boyfriend is a simply a nice guy and doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. I think the former girlfriend still has some feelings for him. If you are serious about the boyfriend, I think you can make some demands. The downside is you don’t really know how he will react, but wouldn’t you rather know now vs a year from now?

FWIW, I’d be careful making “demands.” If I was told by my GF that she expected me to cut off contact with someone, I’d view it as incredibly controlling, wonder why she felt so threatened, and react quite negatively. There’s a fair chance that this kind of demand will create an issue where one doesn’t actually exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend was in a long-term relationship that ended 6 years ago because of lack of intimacy. She was going through menopause at that time and no longer wanted to be intimate and he said that they also grew apart in other ways. They remained on friendly terms and he is close to her kids who are young adults. We have been dating for a little over a year now and his ex-girlfriend continues to reach out wanting to meet up with him and at times, sending him messages or she shows up when he meets up with her kids. I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable about all of this because it is clear to me that she has not really moved on (she has not dated since they broke up). I trust him and I don't think he has any romantic feelings for her and I know that he loves me a lot. We have a good relationship, great chemistry and many shared interests. I'm thinking that I should probably just let this go and not worry about it, but I can't help my feelings from time to time. He told me that she is lonely, has very few friends and seeks out his companionship.

Don't worry she is post menopause now and she probably looks like crap

That’s what OP wishes based on other posts but men can still love or at least be emotionally attached to post-menopausal women. Men lie about and downplay the other woman all the time. She could be fat, ugly, old, lonely, whatever, and that theoretically puts GF #1 at ease, but the heart wants what the heart wants.

I’m a bit surprised at the attitude towards menopausal women here. From what I read on that forum, they seem to be living life and enjoying active and fulfilling sex lives. So:

1. Dude is lying or this is another troll post from the person Jeff mentioned
2. Stop being ageist and educate yourselves on the reality of sexy vibrant women 55 and up as competition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He shouldn’t be riding the fence here. What would happen if you asked him to cut all contact with her? A one time conversation that their communication with each other is really not appropriate any longer (it’s been SIX years). The kids are old enough to call on their own.

Maybe your boyfriend is a simply a nice guy and doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. I think the former girlfriend still has some feelings for him. If you are serious about the boyfriend, I think you can make some demands. The downside is you don’t really know how he will react, but wouldn’t you rather know now vs a year from now?

FWIW, I’d be careful making “demands.” If I was told by my GF that she expected me to cut off contact with someone, I’d view it as incredibly controlling, wonder why she felt so threatened, and react quite negatively. There’s a fair chance that this kind of demand will create an issue where one doesn’t actually exist.

I am not going to make any demands. I agree that this would be controlling and impact the relationship negatively in the long run. I would
probably just end the relationship at this point. I know that he doesn't want to lose me. I will try to have a little more faith in him and see how things develop. And perhaps, you are correct that perhaps there really isn't an issue. I do feel though that his ex-girlfriend has not moved on since the breakup and I don't think that she will ever date again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend was in a long-term relationship that ended 6 years ago because of lack of intimacy. She was going through menopause at that time and no longer wanted to be intimate and he said that they also grew apart in other ways. They remained on friendly terms and he is close to her kids who are young adults. We have been dating for a little over a year now and his ex-girlfriend continues to reach out wanting to meet up with him and at times, sending him messages or she shows up when he meets up with her kids. I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable about all of this because it is clear to me that she has not really moved on (she has not dated since they broke up). I trust him and I don't think he has any romantic feelings for her and I know that he loves me a lot. We have a good relationship, great chemistry and many shared interests. I'm thinking that I should probably just let this go and not worry about it, but I can't help my feelings from time to time. He told me that she is lonely, has very few friends and seeks out his companionship.

Don't worry she is post menopause now and she probably looks like crap

That’s what OP wishes based on other posts but men can still love or at least be emotionally attached to post-menopausal women. Men lie about and downplay the other woman all the time. She could be fat, ugly, old, lonely, whatever, and that theoretically puts GF #1 at ease, but the heart wants what the heart wants.

I’m a bit surprised at the attitude towards menopausal women here. From what I read on that forum, they seem to be living life and enjoying active and fulfilling sex lives. So:

1. Dude is lying or this is another troll post from the person Jeff mentioned
2. Stop being ageist and educate yourselves on the reality of sexy vibrant women 55 and up as competition.

This is.not a troll post. I do not know if my boyfriend lied about their intimate life being impacted by menopause and I agree that many women have vibrant and full intimacy post menopause and they are also quite beautiful. But not every woman is like this. There are many women who suffer from the effects of menopause and it's not their fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend was in a long-term relationship that ended 6 years ago because of lack of intimacy. She was going through menopause at that time and no longer wanted to be intimate and he said that they also grew apart in other ways. They remained on friendly terms and he is close to her kids who are young adults. We have been dating for a little over a year now and his ex-girlfriend continues to reach out wanting to meet up with him and at times, sending him messages or she shows up when he meets up with her kids. I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable about all of this because it is clear to me that she has not really moved on (she has not dated since they broke up). I trust him and I don't think he has any romantic feelings for her and I know that he loves me a lot. We have a good relationship, great chemistry and many shared interests. I'm thinking that I should probably just let this go and not worry about it, but I can't help my feelings from time to time. He told me that she is lonely, has very few friends and seeks out his companionship.

Don't worry she is post menopause now and she probably looks like crap

That’s what OP wishes based on other posts but men can still love or at least be emotionally attached to post-menopausal women. Men lie about and downplay the other woman all the time. She could be fat, ugly, old, lonely, whatever, and that theoretically puts GF #1 at ease, but the heart wants what the heart wants.

I’m a bit surprised at the attitude towards menopausal women here. From what I read on that forum, they seem to be living life and enjoying active and fulfilling sex lives. So:

1. Dude is lying or this is another troll post from the person Jeff mentioned
2. Stop being ageist and educate yourselves on the reality of sexy vibrant women 55 and up as competition.

This is.not a troll post. I do not know if my boyfriend lied about their intimate life being impacted by menopause and I agree that many women have vibrant and full intimacy post menopause and they are also quite beautiful. But not every woman is like this. There are many women who suffer from the effects of menopause and it's not their fault.

I think it’s incredibly weird that your BF discussed her menopause with you. And men don’t waste a second of their time to keep around the woman if he’s not interested romantically.

[Anonymous]

My exH cheated on me with a 55 yo woman when I was 43.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s incredibly weird that your BF discussed her menopause with you. And men don’t waste a second of their time to keep around the woman if he’s not interested romantically.

I do not feel that he is romantically interested in her and this is also why the relationship ended (no intimacy and he decided to move away). I do believe that she still has feelings for him and she would like to keep him as a friend and companion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My exH cheated on me with a 55 yo woman when I was 43.

We have only dated for about a year. I don't think that he is cheating on me with her. They had a relationship and didn't need to break up.