BF's relationship with ex-girlfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yuck. This happened to me. The problem is he won’t let go. It’s an emotional affair possibly physical affair.
I’m sorry to say this, but you have to get out of this relationship. And don’t say “ choose” or he will choose her.

It is not an emotional or physical affair at all. He shows me the messages and he is not physically attracted to her (for many reasons that I don't want to elaborate here...). We have a good intimate life. I'm not really concerned about this at all, but I just wish that she'd move on with her own life as well. They do not live close (7 hours away).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The girlfriend seems very needy. She is using her kids as an excuse -- how old are these kids? If the girlfriend has a true emergency (from a flat tire to something more serious), who is she going to call? Does your boyfriend imagine ever cutting her off/saying NO? This whole dynamic is weird.

The 'kids' are in their early 20's (20 and 22). He does not live close to her, but travels in the area a few times a year to visit with his kids (late teens) and other friends. He most definitely does not encourage continued contact with her. She is the one who reaches out.

Sure, but by not putting s stop to it, he is just as guilty.

True! He is concerned that by telling her to stop contacting him that it will impact the relationship that his kids have with me and we don't want that to happen. Their kids are all very close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would go. That seems like the right solution here

+1. It's been a year, seems appropriate that he would want to introduce them to his significant other. Next get together I think he should tell the kids you'll be coming along to meet them and hang out.

I have already met and hung out with his kids, but I have not yet been introduced to the kids from the ex-girlfriend. They know that he is dating me though. He said that he would tell them that I will be there during the next dinner and they can inform their mom and let her decide if she wants to show up to meet me. I wouldn't mind meeting and getting to know her, but it may be uncomfortable for her as well given how things ended with them.

This sounds like the kids actually invite their mom to the get-togethers, is that right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would go. That seems like the right solution here

+1. It's been a year, seems appropriate that he would want to introduce them to his significant other. Next get together I think he should tell the kids you'll be coming along to meet them and hang out.

I have already met and hung out with his kids, but I have not yet been introduced to the kids from the ex-girlfriend. They know that he is dating me though. He said that he would tell them that I will be there during the next dinner and they can inform their mom and let her decide if she wants to show up to meet me. I wouldn't mind meeting and getting to know her, but it may be uncomfortable for her as well given how things ended with them.

This sounds like the kids actually invite their mom to the get-togethers, is that right?

Yes, they let her know when he is in town.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would go. That seems like the right solution here

+1. It's been a year, seems appropriate that he would want to introduce them to his significant other. Next get together I think he should tell the kids you'll be coming along to meet them and hang out.

I have already met and hung out with his kids, but I have not yet been introduced to the kids from the ex-girlfriend. They know that he is dating me though. He said that he would tell them that I will be there during the next dinner and they can inform their mom and let her decide if she wants to show up to meet me. I wouldn't mind meeting and getting to know her, but it may be uncomfortable for her as well given how things ended with them.

This sounds like the kids actually invite their mom to the get-togethers, is that right?

But, she has also reached out to him on her own. She has tried a few manipulative moves to meet up with him on her own. She was successful one time and it happened when we first started dating and that is when he told her that he has a new girlfriend (me). He has not met with her alone since that time.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I would be wary of how he treats you in the future based on how he is apparently treating her. What he’s doing to her, he’ll do to you. “She’s lonely”, “I’m only close to her because of her adult kids”; blah blah blah—famous last words from a man who likes having multiple women in his life.

One day he’ll spill all your business and speak poorly of you to the next woman too. Seriously, you know that she was going through menoupause and lost her sex drive? TMI, none of your business, little respect for her privacy. Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I would be wary of how he treats you in the future based on how he is apparently treating her. What he’s doing to her, he’ll do to you. “She’s lonely”, “I’m only close to her because of her adult kids”; blah blah blah—famous last words from a man who likes having multiple women in his life.

One day he’ll spill all your business and speak poorly of you to the next woman too. Seriously, you know that she was going through menoupause and lost her sex drive? TMI, none of your business, little respect for her privacy. Yikes.

You have a point and I thought about this. And yes, I don't know for sure, but she's much older (late 50's) so going through menopause is not out of the question and many women lack libido afterward.

[Anonymous]

I would say meet up with her but do not ignore your gut. Some people have poor boundaries and like having a "back up" or the adoration of an ex-partner.

[Anonymous]

You said the relationship ended 6 years ago. How long did they date?

[Anonymous]

Her kids are adults. I don't understand why he can't say, "I would like to continue to see you guys, but I have to ask that you not include your mother in our visits out of respect for my girlfriend." The bottom line is who's feelings are more important, her adult kids and her, or yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You said the relationship ended 6 years ago. How long did they date?

They dated for almost 5 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You said the relationship ended 6 years ago. How long did they date?

They dated for almost 5 years.

How old are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her kids are adults. I don't understand why he can't say, "I would like to continue to see you guys, but I have to ask that you not include your mother in our visits out of respect for my girlfriend." The bottom line is who's feelings are more important, her adult kids and her, or yours.

Their kids are close and good friends. It may impact my relationship with them. This is one of the main reasons and I understand this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You said the relationship ended 6 years ago. How long did they date?

They dated for almost 5 years.

How old are you?

42

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yuck. This happened to me. The problem is he won’t let go. It’s an emotional affair possibly physical affair.
I’m sorry to say this, but you have to get out of this relationship. And don’t say “ choose” or he will choose her.

+1