High-conflict custody battle: how long?
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Anonymous
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Yes, one parent may be motivated to obtain new material which may be relevant for their full custody case. That’s how they start.
Sometimes they purposefully set up stressful situations at pick up/ drop off to obtain more material for their case. (Often using text messages to tee up the conflict ahead of time). There are many tools to seek out material in a parents favor— and sometimes it can get nasty— definitely crossing social norms. (Over communication, recording, physical following, pressuring etc.). From what I have seen one parent is really good at these tactics and the other tends not to be good at all (often naive and reactive). They don’t call divorce court “the Rodeo” for nothing. |
Anonymous
| 0p, See thread re: custody-visitation coordination apps. Regarding the perceived “abusive emails” from Former Romantic Partner and Child’s Parent, you might find helpful info there! |
Anonymous
You don't need to be scared but you do need a lawyer. |
Anonymous
I have been in your shoes too! |
Anonymous
It depends. If you are going to go broke and lose , think twice. If you think you’ll be out lawyered you just might be There is a lot you can get and do— that is free. There are social workers who have experience in this run the numbers. Think with your head. You don’t want to tell us what happened? Everyone makes mistakes. Judges have seen a lot of mistakes and you should ask for a path to more time with your kids . Seek non legal help w that —woman/mom |
Anonymous
It depends. Is OP a lawyer or does she have a law degree? Does she have a JD friend who will help her for free? |
Anonymous
| Divorce lawyers HATE it when you go “pro se” but it’s a strategy in some cases (like highly litigious, emotional spouses). |
Anonymous
Yes I suspect his lawyer hates me as I have already filed objections to his crap motions and said it’s legal harassment. I have a lawyer friend who is helping me. But we are at beginning stages. |
Anonymous
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I love ya, lady! Keep at it!
I did this and it turned out successfully for me I also was able to present my evidence to judge(s) directly. Judges love the underdog. I also learned to be lovely and kind. I smiled a lot and laughed lightly in court. Where are you and what state? I was up against a very high priced lawyer whose name is up and down the appeals court. I secretly taped her in her own law office! |
Anonymous
1. You need to learn not to react and to let things sit for 24 hours or more 2. Say no to more evaluations. All of them. 3. Go see free women’s groups. They exist. 4. He might (i would put money on it) over time. Mine took 4 years. Year five out we are GREAT. This was after my own “personal chernobyl” of a custody battle. 5. Do not consume alcohol or do any drugs or anytime. If this is not you, then none of this advice may apply. 6. If your kids are in therapy - no not expect to use any of it in court That is supposed to be therapeutic for them. if it’s not for that reason , WAIT for that treatment. 7. There is a lot written about spouses who go full custody against the the normally primary parent / look it up and inform yourself 8. Realistically it’ll go 50-50. Believe it. 9. Call his bluff. Let him have the kids. He won’t. He is doing it to get the upper hand and he is cheap - he wants a discount on his monthly amount owed to you. 10. Stay strong and get help. |
Anonymous
| Number four (4) is “He might mellow out over time.” |
Anonymous
| In my county there is access to free lawyers for displaced women going through divorce who are indigent. |
Anonymous
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That’s awesome.
OP- I meant to share - since you are living apart already and the kids are largely residing with you there are about a six to a dozen things you can “do wrong” relating to your spouse/baby daddy which will get a judge annoyed with you. Or can get a judge pissed. They seem little but you don’t want to tee off the judge. They have your friend look them up for you . It’s basically anything under the umbrella of the Right to Parent. You have to support that, no matter how mean the person is to you take baths and rest and relax your mind!! |
Anonymous
| OP, every text you write should be written as if the judge is looking over your shoulder. Every email commemorating a conversation you’ve had with your ex should be factual, calm, dispassionate. When you are in court, your demeanor should be calm. You’re the adult in the room, and your ex and his lawyer are nuts. Your focus should always be to make it clear you’ve got the best interests of your kids as the primary concern. |
Anonymous
| Use AI. You can use the free ChatGPT version |