High-conflict custody battle: how long?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My guess is the H wants full custody since OP is primary earner. He is saying she works too much. All a guise for getting more money in child support from her in order to support himself.

So, it’s ok for a woman to want full custody for the child support but not the man? If op is the primary earner then he is the primary parent and should get full custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My guess is the H wants full custody since OP is primary earner. He is saying she works too much. All a guise for getting more money in child support from her in order to support himself.

So, it’s ok for a woman to want full custody for the child support but not the man? If op is the primary earner then he is the primary parent and should get full custody.

Sadly that’s not how the division of labor works in most households and higher-earning women are still the primary parent in most cases. Which will be easy to demonstrate.

But yes OP your ex can and will drag this out for seven years. Once your kids are old enough (11-13 ish depending on the judge) their views will be taken into account by the court.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My guess is the H wants full custody since OP is primary earner. He is saying she works too much. All a guise for getting more money in child support from her in order to support himself.

So, it’s ok for a woman to want full custody for the child support but not the man? If op is the primary earner then he is the primary parent and should get full custody.

Sadly that’s not how the division of labor works in most households and higher-earning women are still the primary parent in most cases. Which will be easy to demonstrate.

But yes OP your ex can and will drag this out for seven years. Once your kids are old enough (11-13 ish depending on the judge) their views will be taken into account by the court.

OP here. I am the primary parent. Very easy to demonstrate this too. I am the higher earner. Thankfully my kids are 11 now and will probably be 12 by the time they see a judge. Honestly, it is not his love and care for the kids that is motivating him at all to go high-conflict. But I'm sure some of you understand this completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My guess is the H wants full custody since OP is primary earner. He is saying she works too much. All a guise for getting more money in child support from her in order to support himself.

So, it’s ok for a woman to want full custody for the child support but not the man? If op is the primary earner then he is the primary parent and should get full custody.

Sadly that’s not how the division of labor works in most households and higher-earning women are still the primary parent in most cases. Which will be easy to demonstrate.

But yes OP your ex can and will drag this out for seven years. Once your kids are old enough (11-13 ish depending on the judge) their views will be taken into account by the court.

Stop making your own narrative up. Lots of men are fully involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My guess is the H wants full custody since OP is primary earner. He is saying she works too much. All a guise for getting more money in child support from her in order to support himself.

So, it’s ok for a woman to want full custody for the child support but not the man? If op is the primary earner then he is the primary parent and should get full custody.

Sadly that’s not how the division of labor works in most households and higher-earning women are still the primary parent in most cases. Which will be easy to demonstrate.

But yes OP your ex can and will drag this out for seven years. Once your kids are old enough (11-13 ish depending on the judge) their views will be taken into account by the court.

OP here. I am the primary parent. Very easy to demonstrate this too. I am the higher earner. Thankfully my kids are 11 now and will probably be 12 by the time they see a judge. Honestly, it is not his love and care for the kids that is motivating him at all to go high-conflict. But I'm sure some of you understand this completely.

Agree to 50-50. You want full to get out of child support.

[Anonymous]

My boys are adults now, but my high conflict custody case lasted from 2001-2018, with attorneys on both sides. In 2009 the children were kidnapped by their noncustodial father and missing until 2016. Even after they were returned in 2016 he kept on, just motion after motion. He didn’t serve jail time for taking them, even tho I had sole custody. I lost 20yr of my life to this monster.

[Anonymous]

Like OP, I used a lawyer until the $5,000 retainer was used up. For that amount, lawyer attended one initial hearing and then drafted a 50/50 custody agreement which went into effect. Became clear that ex was not a good parent - married or single. Kids were about twelve at this point so old enough to testify about their preferences. It never came to that.
I year after initial agreement, went back to court and filed for primary custody and a change in child support amount, without a lawyer. Ex spouse paid tens of thousands on lawyers. Lawyers can't change verifiable facts however.
Have had primary custody for years now, children are thriving. Ex is no longer in the picture except for paying child support.
At least in DC, there is a free legal help office in the basement of Superior Court building. They can help you file the correct forms to get court hearings. So, it is possible to achieve the results you need for yourself and your children without breaking the bank with legal fees. This is not advisable if the case if complex. Mine really wasn't.

[Anonymous]

You don't need a lawyer in DC. Not one judge thinks that you are a bad parent without a lawyer. They have plenty of parents who cannot afford lawyers.
What's wrong with 50/50? The amount one of you ends up paying to the other is very small or nothing. Kids will be able to tell the judge what they want soon. If it's you they want, you already have a leg up.
We ended up with 50/50. He was supposed to pay health and $400 a month (court's idea, not mine). I promised to put $200 of it into 529.
He never paid the health and hasn't paid the $400 in a decade. I don't care. Main thing was to get away from him and do well in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like OP, I used a lawyer until the $5,000 retainer was used up. For that amount, lawyer attended one initial hearing and then drafted a 50/50 custody agreement which went into effect. Became clear that ex was not a good parent - married or single. Kids were about twelve at this point so old enough to testify about their preferences. It never came to that.
I year after initial agreement, went back to court and filed for primary custody and a change in child support amount, without a lawyer. Ex spouse paid tens of thousands on lawyers. Lawyers can't change verifiable facts however.
Have had primary custody for years now, children are thriving. Ex is no longer in the picture except for paying child support.
At least in DC, there is a free legal help office in the basement of Superior Court building. They can help you file the correct forms to get court hearings. So, it is possible to achieve the results you need for yourself and your children without breaking the bank with legal fees. This is not advisable if the case if complex. Mine really wasn't.

That’s pretty terrible you cut the kids dad out of their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't need a lawyer in DC. Not one judge thinks that you are a bad parent without a lawyer. They have plenty of parents who cannot afford lawyers.
What's wrong with 50/50? The amount one of you ends up paying to the other is very small or nothing. Kids will be able to tell the judge what they want soon. If it's you they want, you already have a leg up.
We ended up with 50/50. He was supposed to pay health and $400 a month (court's idea, not mine). I promised to put $200 of it into 529.
He never paid the health and hasn't paid the $400 in a decade. I don't care. Main thing was to get away from him and do well in life.

He should pay anything as he’s no longer their dad per your wishes.

[Anonymous]

state ? The best advise I got was bend on custody

either call the bluff or cut the strategy off at the legs

You can spend 100k on NOTHING

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boys are adults now, but my high conflict custody case lasted from 2001-2018, with attorneys on both sides. In 2009 the children were kidnapped by their noncustodial father and missing until 2016. Even after they were returned in 2016 he kept on, just motion after motion. He didn’t serve jail time for taking them, even tho I had sole custody. I lost 20yr of my life to this monster.

Let this be a cautionary tale. Surround yourself by good friends, social workers and advisors. This can drag on and on …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. OP here. I got a lawyer. Lawyer did not help me. I spent $5000 already. To deal with his frivolous motions. I have a lawyer on consult now. Ex will continue to file frivolous motions. We never even went in front of a judge for the decision on an evaluation. I asked for mediation, ex said no.

Who do you think ordered the evaluation then?

Lawyers draft evaluation. Then require defendant to take it. Both lawyers sign it. That is how it normally go.

If it’s a battle that is going to court, it is not uncommon for the plaintiff’s lawyer to stonewalls the defendant until defendant go to a clinician and voluntarily take the interview. It’s not therapeutic. The interview results can cut either way. Duh.

[Anonymous]

ie. it’s voluntary

Many things in both civil law and even crim law are voluntary and BY CONSENT

When a prosecutor threatens “I’ll throw the book at you” if you don’t plea- it’s similar.

about this involves children.

[Anonymous]

-but (typo) this involves children. Divorce law can be a nasty but lucrative business!