Xmas/ ILs/ newly separated

[Anonymous]

So DH cheated and you want to take it out on his parents? I think you’re just trying to exert control here. Are you hoping to get back together with him? I don’t see the big deal with two nights with the ILs at a rented place. You’re not hosting them. They’re capable adults that want to spend the holidays with their family. If you must, you rent a place just for yourself and let DH and the ILs stay there, and you can limit your time with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So DH cheated and you want to take it out on his parents? I think you’re just trying to exert control here. Are you hoping to get back together with him? I don’t see the big deal with two nights with the ILs at a rented place. You’re not hosting them. They’re capable adults that want to spend the holidays with their family. If you must, you rent a place just for yourself and let DH and the ILs stay there, and you can limit your time with them.

bizarre answer.
normal if someone's spouse cheated to not want to host their parents for holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am confused by the way you say "we host" and then say you are going somewhere else for the holiday.

Is it a gathering where you all go somewhere neutral, no one's home? And this is a tradition your kids are used to?

Who are the kids with day to day now?

What is the distance to this place? Are there other places you could afford to stay nearby?

Op - we rent an Airbnb a couple hours away where everyone can stay (bc we live in nyc in an apt) and have done this for years. The separation is very new and the place is rented already with no refunds and the kids are excited

Let him come up with a plan. Maybe they visit for a day and he takes the kids out to lunch with them and sightseeing. He can bring home a dinner and you see them but don’t have to socialize much, under the circumstances just tell the kids you have a headache if you want to read in your room or take a walk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So DH cheated and you want to take it out on his parents? I think you’re just trying to exert control here. Are you hoping to get back together with him? I don’t see the big deal with two nights with the ILs at a rented place. You’re not hosting them. They’re capable adults that want to spend the holidays with their family. If you must, you rent a place just for yourself and let DH and the ILs stay there, and you can limit your time with them.

She is not taking it out on his parents. But why is it on her to facilitate them by making things awkward for herself? You think he would do the same if the roles were reversed? The ILs are not the biggest concern here, it is the KIDS. And their needs should come first.

This situation sucks, OP. I would not want to pretend anything but my biggest worry would not be the ILs but to make things the best you can for the kids and if that means grinning and bearing it for a few days just do it. Not for ILs but for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So DH cheated and you want to take it out on his parents? I think you’re just trying to exert control here. Are you hoping to get back together with him? I don’t see the big deal with two nights with the ILs at a rented place. You’re not hosting them. They’re capable adults that want to spend the holidays with their family. If you must, you rent a place just for yourself and let DH and the ILs stay there, and you can limit your time with them.

bizarre answer.
normal if someone's spouse cheated to not want to host their parents for holidays.

Yeah. I wouldn’t want them staying with me.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP. I don’t think there are any great solutions. But, if I were in your shoes, I think I would send DH to a hotel with his parents (preferred) or get a hotel with the kids or by yourself nearby and show up for dinner, let the kids hang out with their grandparents if they want, etc. I think staying in the same house with your DH and his parents in those circumstances would be miserable. He’s the one who cheated and should be the one to get the hotel. But, if his parents are elderly and that would be difficult for them, I probably would suck it up and go to the hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So DH cheated and you want to take it out on his parents? I think you’re just trying to exert control here. Are you hoping to get back together with him? I don’t see the big deal with two nights with the ILs at a rented place. You’re not hosting them. They’re capable adults that want to spend the holidays with their family. If you must, you rent a place just for yourself and let DH and the ILs stay there, and you can limit your time with them.

She is not taking it out on his parents. But why is it on her to facilitate them by making things awkward for herself? You think he would do the same if the roles were reversed? The ILs are not the biggest concern here, it is the KIDS. And their needs should come first.

This situation sucks, OP. I would not want to pretend anything but my biggest worry would not be the ILs but to make things the best you can for the kids and if that means grinning and bearing it for a few days just do it. Not for ILs but for the kids.

It’s always the woman’s fault. So glad Trump will put yall back in your place. In the kitchen and laying on your backs on the bed.