Xmas/ ILs/ newly separated

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tips? Just cancel. He can call his parents to let them know that you all are separated. When they ask why, he can tell them that he cheated.

THIS X10000000000000. I wish I had forced my STBX to tell my edlerly parents. But he's such a coward he would have f$%ed that up too. This is also my first holiday season as a newly single person. Why would you pretend anything for the sake of this person who betrayed you? Perhaps when he was sticking it elsewhere these thoughts should have crossed his mind. "Oh drat. This will really make things a right pickle for the holidays." But the only thought that crossed his mind was how quickly to unzip his pants. Repeat after me "OH WELL." The new normal is weird but you would be insane to pretend things are ok and you should proceed as normal to spare his parents. Not your job. FWIW my college kid announced they will be spending Xmas with me and not with their father. I had assumed we would do some kind of split day visits or Xmas Eve/Xmas day but dc is like "nope, this is what I want." Hang in there. We've got your back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t need to stay but let the grandparents stay for the kids.

It's no longer OP's problem. Her kids can have a new tradition of spending Boxing Day with their paternal grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - where we go for Xmas is not near where we live but it’s booked and we go every year and everyone stays.
I don’t mind dh staying in separate room but having to pretend a bunch of things and host ils too is too much. But then it sucks for kids and ILs to not have each other. But I don’t want to not have kids for part of it if I can avoid it. Yeesh

So let him take your kids to see his family and you go get your groove back on a Carribean island or some shit like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t need to stay but let the grandparents stay for the kids.

It's no longer OP's problem. Her kids can have a new tradition of spending Boxing Day with their paternal grandparents.

Or Christmas with them and Boxing Day with hers. Or rotate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t need to stay but let the grandparents stay for the kids.

It's no longer OP's problem. Her kids can have a new tradition of spending Boxing Day with their paternal grandparents.

Why should his parents suffer? They didn’t do anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t need to stay but let the grandparents stay for the kids.

It's no longer OP's problem. Her kids can have a new tradition of spending Boxing Day with their paternal grandparents.

Or Christmas with them and Boxing Day with hers. Or rotate.

I would say that since op's IL's raised such a pathetic son, they get last dibs on time with the grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t need to stay but let the grandparents stay for the kids.

It's no longer OP's problem. Her kids can have a new tradition of spending Boxing Day with their paternal grandparents.

Why should his parents suffer? They didn’t do anything.

Why will they suffer if their son hosts them on his own?

[Anonymous]

DH should be responsible for fixing it. Unless you do not want the ILs to know what is going on and both of you need to support a united front. His accountability needs to begin now.

Your kids will have more years to see their grandparents.

It's okay just to do things with the nuclear family.

[Anonymous]

No.
DH cheated and betrayed your family.
You tell his parents and siblings and everyone close to you.
You plan xmas with your kids and family and people.
You don't lie or cover up for your DH. This is his mess.
- me in similar situation last year

[Anonymous]

There’s no more Christmas with DH or ILs , his doing
Make your own, new traditions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s no more Christmas with DH or ILs , his doing
Make your own, new traditions

You keep the kids home with you and he can go with his parents to the usual place. Why should you be apart from your children or forced to pretend everything is okay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t need to stay but let the grandparents stay for the kids.

It's no longer OP's problem. Her kids can have a new tradition of spending Boxing Day with their paternal grandparents.

Or Christmas with them and Boxing Day with hers. Or rotate.

I would say that since op's IL's raised such a pathetic son, they get last dibs on time with the grandkids.

Except your opinion isn’t valid. So.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t need to stay but let the grandparents stay for the kids.

It's no longer OP's problem. Her kids can have a new tradition of spending Boxing Day with their paternal grandparents.

Or Christmas with them and Boxing Day with hers. Or rotate.

I would say that since op's IL's raised such a pathetic son, they get last dibs on time with the grandkids.

Except your opinion isn’t valid. So.

lololol...triggered.🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am confused by the way you say "we host" and then say you are going somewhere else for the holiday.

Is it a gathering where you all go somewhere neutral, no one's home? And this is a tradition your kids are used to?

Who are the kids with day to day now?

What is the distance to this place? Are there other places you could afford to stay nearby?

Op - we rent an Airbnb a couple hours away where everyone can stay (bc we live in nyc in an apt) and have done this for years. The separation is very new and the place is rented already with no refunds and the kids are excited

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am confused by the way you say "we host" and then say you are going somewhere else for the holiday.

Is it a gathering where you all go somewhere neutral, no one's home? And this is a tradition your kids are used to?

Who are the kids with day to day now?

What is the distance to this place? Are there other places you could afford to stay nearby?

Op - we rent an Airbnb a couple hours away where everyone can stay (bc we live in nyc in an apt) and have done this for years. The separation is very new and the place is rented already with no refunds and the kids are excited

We had a few weekend trips like this shortly after we officially separated. We’d already had non-refundable accommodations booked to places we’d been in the past. It took a few months for us to get through the logistics of everything. We slept in separate bedrooms and did the best we could.

My kids were old enough that it didn’t matter to me whether I was with them on actual Xmas day or before or after. Xmas day with the kids is so fun but in the grand scheme of things it’s just a day. If you’re flexible send your STBXH with the kids to visit with his parents and you do something before or after the actual day.

If you really want to be there Xmas day let him navigate his parents and you can join him or not during the visit.