Mom's who use the b-day invite as a weapon...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

aprilmayjune wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, that was me. I invited all the girls in the class and the neighborhood to DD's pink-themed birthday party. All the moms of boys probably hate me now. OR they are happy they didn't have to buy another girl present and didn't have to cart their kid to another stupid birthday party on that Saturday. Somehow I doubt the moms' hearts are broken. My daughter has been excluded from birthday parties before in the neighborhood and she realizes its not that big a deal - its not like she can't play with them another day.

OP - grow up and put on your big girl panties. High school is over.

OK. Well, here's the sort I'm dealing with. Oh well, your attitude is really a bummer.

I see nothing wrong with the way this PP does things... She had a girly party.. invites all of the girls... I HIGHLY doubt that all of the boys in her class are really all that broken hearted that they weren't invited to a pink princessy party..

OP here: well. If you had read my original post you'd know this really isn't the sort of thing I was describing at all. But never mind--
Not many are reading the details of what I said. Everyone seems to be justifying their exclusive mean behavior--there's a rally on the mall for the mean people this weekend. You all will fit right in. Pretty sure you all are trying to RECREATE high school the way you WISH it had been with your kid's b-day invites and that none you even own big girl panties at all.

LOL!!!! Yep, I concur.

[Anonymous]

I'm amazed at how thick-skinned some of you are; I guess you haven't ever felt excluded or experienced your child feel that way. What the OP wrote was perfectly reasonable and justified by the way she described the behavior of the mother throwing the party. Honestly, I'm a big girl and occasionally feel hurt if I hear about a party where lots of people I knew were there but I wasn't invited. I get over it quickly because I am, after all, an adult who has a nice life and many friends of my own, but I truly admire anybody who never feels rejected, hurt or left out and whose children have never felt that way either.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 10, 9, & 6, and we haven't experienced this sort of thing at all.

Sure, there are parties they haven't been invited to, but never in the exclusive sort of way where my kid is the only one who's not invited. If they find out they weren't invited, they seem ok with the explanation that not everyone you know is going to invite you to their party.

And for our parties, we either invite everyone or just a small subset (oldest is at the age where she'd prefer having a sleepover with her 3 BFFs than a party for the whole class). Last year I did the youngest one's party at Pump It Up even though it was pricey, mostly b/c they were able to accommodate a large number of kids and I didn't want to leave out anyone from our preschool or the neighborhood. Most families from our preschool operate this way b/c my youngest has gotten invites from kids he hardly even plays with - b/c the parents just invite the whole class. I guess I'm just fortunate I don't know many mean moms!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 10, 9, & 6, and we haven't experienced this sort of thing at all.

Sure, there are parties they haven't been invited to, but never in the exclusive sort of way where my kid is the only one who's not invited. If they find out they weren't invited, they seem ok with the explanation that not everyone you know is going to invite you to their party.

And for our parties, we either invite everyone or just a small subset (oldest is at the age where she'd prefer having a sleepover with her 3 BFFs than a party for the whole class). Last year I did the youngest one's party at Pump It Up even though it was pricey, mostly b/c they were able to accommodate a large number of kids and I didn't want to leave out anyone from our preschool or the neighborhood. Most families from our preschool operate this way b/c my youngest has gotten invites from kids he hardly even plays with - b/c the parents just invite the whole class. I guess I'm just fortunate I don't know many mean moms!

but the way I read the OP, by inviting only a few kids, you are purposefully hurting the other kids. Doesn't matter if you want a small party.

[Anonymous]

If this happens to your kid a lot, other kids probably don't want your kid around for some reason. There was a girl in my neighborhood growing up that we all "played with" because she just came over and wouldn't leave, and we were too polite to tell her directly to scram (and she couldn't take a hint that she was offensive and annyoing) but she was really awful and I would never have invited her over willingly. I'm sure her mother thought we were "friends" but not the case.

[Anonymous]

I'm confused - you are supposed to invite everyone from class right? I have a two year old but have heard class sizes are getting bigger, so I assume this is at least 25 kids? And now everyone from the neighborhood? Um, we have hundreds of families with young kids in our neighborhood.

I don't see how this is feasible and this is a ridiculous thing to get upset over. Explain to your child that not everyone can be invited to everything, and plan to do something special with her that day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know who you are. You invite certain kids and not others--even if the kids all play together in the neighborhood or at school. Suddenly you just leave certain kids out. You are purposely hurting some kids and breaking their Mom's heart. Please don't hide behind the "we can't afford to invite everyone" excuse. Because these are usually families of considerable means that do this. And every time you see them they'll tell you all the planning they're doing for the party to really rub it in!

What goes around does indeed come around and I suppose I should console myself in knowing that my kids won't continue to try to be friends with such thoughtless, unkind people. Eventually jerks do get their comeuppance. But it still hurts to see my kids hurting and feeling rejected by certain peers who they thought were their friends..

I knew a woman who used this same trick. She used her children's b'day parties to get back at those of us she perceived had snubbed her and a snub to her was if we didn't do exactly what she wanted us to do. She was a control freak. If my children were not invited, and they weren't, I took them out for pizza or some place where they would have a good time. When they had b'day parties, I invited her children and she refused to allow them to attend. She was insane and I just decided it was her problem, not mine or my children's. Children do get their feelings hurt easily but I also explained to them in gentler terms, and not bad mouthing her, that this was how she did parties and it wasn't them. They accepted this and still remained as friendly as possible with her children. We moved and never gave her another thought.

... never gave her another thought ... until now .... (btw, hard to follow your post)

Not until I read this thread.

[Anonymous]

I invited 10 girls and boys from my 5 year old's class of 35 kids. Likewise, my son was invited to some but not all of his classmates' birthday parties. We (kids and parents) all like each other, and talk happily during school get-togethers. Sometimes our friendly neighbors remember to invite us to their parties, sometimes not. We go with the flow. This is such a very UN-important detail in our lives.

[Anonymous]

It seems to me (although she was vague) that OP was referring to a situation where her child was relatively good friends with a group of kids, and all of the kids got invited to a party except hers, and her kid felt really bad. I have no idea the reality of OP's perception on this situation. I don't know her. Maybe her kid wasn't as good friends with the others as she thought, or whatever. If what I described is the situation, that sucks and all you can do is try to support your child and his/her self esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A neighbor who lives directly across the street from us invited a lot of kids to a birthday party at her house on a Saturday afternoon but did not include my daughter, who was 3 at the time. I remember standing in the front yard with my daughter watching all the kids come streaming out of the neighbor's house and thinking, "This person is not my friend." Later the neighbor explained that there were "just too many kids" to include my daughter. I too remember the sad look on my daughter's face when she looked at the party of someone she'd thought was her friend and said, "I wasn't invited to her party." My DD is 11 now, but she still remembers that day.

My DD is very popular and never has been excluded from anything before or since, but this particular situation seemed deliberate and cruel to my daughter on the part of the mom. We had been very friendly before this incident, but the friendship declined after that. Maybe the mom didn't want to be friends with me, I have no idea, but to do something like this to a child is unconscionable.

Wow. My DD is three and pretty bright, if I do say so myself, but I honestly don't think she'd bat an eye to see someone else have a party and not be going. I mean I hightly doubt from that she'd extrapolate that the person was excluding her because they didn't like her. No way. That would not occur to her. I don't think the possiblity of people not liking her has occured to her.

Anyway maybe that's just my kid, but this seems so weird to me. If my neighbor had a party for her daughter and we weren't invited (and we are friends and do have children the same age) I'd just think she had other people she knew better she needed/wanted to invite. Like I wouldn't think it was about excluding ME but rather INLCUDING the other people, kwim? And to think they weren't really your friend because they excluded your three year old from a party? Not to be mean, but how do you react when actual bad things happen to you?

Also the fact that, at 11, your daughter has never been excluded from anything before or since might not bode for how she will handle the INEVITABLE rejection she will face at some point in life over something. But maybe she really is just a very likable kid and that's great. I mean this in the nicest way possible though...your reaction to the party when she was little makes you sound...unreasonalbe. Hard as it is life is easier and happier for those with a little thicker skin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 10, 9, & 6, and we haven't experienced this sort of thing at all.

Sure, there are parties they haven't been invited to, but never in the exclusive sort of way where my kid is the only one who's not invited. If they find out they weren't invited, they seem ok with the explanation that not everyone you know is going to invite you to their party.

And for our parties, we either invite everyone or just a small subset (oldest is at the age where she'd prefer having a sleepover with her 3 BFFs than a party for the whole class). Last year I did the youngest one's party at Pump It Up even though it was pricey, mostly b/c they were able to accommodate a large number of kids and I didn't want to leave out anyone from our preschool or the neighborhood. Most families from our preschool operate this way b/c my youngest has gotten invites from kids he hardly even plays with - b/c the parents just invite the whole class. I guess I'm just fortunate I don't know many mean moms!

but the way I read the OP, by inviting only a few kids, you are purposefully hurting the other kids. Doesn't matter if you want a small party.

OP here: that really is not what I said. 9 and 10 year olds have parties where they invite 10 out of the 12 boys in the class. The MOM will turn to me at pick-up and say gosh, I am just knee deep in the plans for X's party and blah, blah, blah. I usually blink vacantly, but I am bummed because wow, our kids were hanging out together ALOT in the months leading up to this and is just a randomly insensitive thing that wanna be queen bee do.

To the poster who says I am scaring him or her: whatever, you are a mean jerk.

[Anonymous]

PP: I meant to say "wanna be queen bees".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A neighbor who lives directly across the street from us invited a lot of kids to a birthday party at her house on a Saturday afternoon but did not include my daughter, who was 3 at the time. I remember standing in the front yard with my daughter watching all the kids come streaming out of the neighbor's house and thinking, "This person is not my friend." Later the neighbor explained that there were "just too many kids" to include my daughter. I too remember the sad look on my daughter's face when she looked at the party of someone she'd thought was her friend and said, "I wasn't invited to her party." My DD is 11 now, but she still remembers that day.

My DD is very popular and never has been excluded from anything before or since, but this particular situation seemed deliberate and cruel to my daughter on the part of the mom. We had been very friendly before this incident, but the friendship declined after that. Maybe the mom didn't want to be friends with me, I have no idea, but to do something like this to a child is unconscionable.

Wow. My DD is three and pretty bright, if I do say so myself, but I honestly don't think she'd bat an eye to see someone else have a party and not be going. I mean I hightly doubt from that she'd extrapolate that the person was excluding her because they didn't like her. No way. That would not occur to her. I don't think the possiblity of people not liking her has occured to her.

Anyway maybe that's just my kid, but this seems so weird to me. If my neighbor had a party for her daughter and we weren't invited (and we are friends and do have children the same age) I'd just think she had other people she knew better she needed/wanted to invite. Like I wouldn't think it was about excluding ME but rather INLCUDING the other people, kwim? And to think they weren't really your friend because they excluded your three year old from a party? Not to be mean, but how do you react when actual bad things happen to you?

Also the fact that, at 11, your daughter has never been excluded from anything before or since might not bode for how she will handle the INEVITABLE rejection she will face at some point in life over something. But maybe she really is just a very likable kid and that's great. I mean this in the nicest way possible though...your reaction to the party when she was little makes you sound...unreasonalbe. Hard as it is life is easier and happier for those with a little thicker skin.

I'm not PP, but please your dc is THREE.

She did not say her daughter has NEVER been excluded from anything.

Read the thread more carefully and come back with a response when you've been on the receiving end of the sort of behavior I, the OP described.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems to me (although she was vague) that OP was referring to a situation where her child was relatively good friends with a group of kids, and all of the kids got invited to a party except hers, and her kid felt really bad. I have no idea the reality of OP's perception on this situation. I don't know her. Maybe her kid wasn't as good friends with the others as she thought, or whatever. If what I described is the situation, that sucks and all you can do is try to support your child and his/her self esteem.

Than you for your kind words. You seem to be one of the few here who read the entire and are giving a response that isn't occluded by there own knee-jerk reaction. And I'm not saying that because I just agree with your response--although I do appreciae it

I just think some people read a few words and say OH BROTHER, here comes one of those whiny bitches who think everyone has to invite everyone or it isn't fair. When that isn't what I said at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused - you are supposed to invite everyone from class right? I have a two year old but have heard class sizes are getting bigger, so I assume this is at least 25 kids? And now everyone from the neighborhood? Um, we have hundreds of families with young kids in our neighborhood.

I don't see how this is feasible and this is a ridiculous thing to get upset over. Explain to your child that not everyone can be invited to everything, and plan to do something special with her that day.

LOL. Your kid is 2. You are not dealing with this level of social drama yet. Just wait.