Vocal Redshirt Mom

[Anonymous]

She sounds like she’s insecure about her decision and also about her child. “She’s so bored” is usually a euphemism for the kid who acts out and other kids are annoyed by them lol. Classic adhd behavior if we are going to dcum diagnose.

Since she’s going on and on about it, seems like she wants advice - at least mention the option of moving her child back ahead to her correct grade. To be honest though, I think the real issue here is likely her child’s misbehavior and social rejection, that her low self esteem can’t allow herself to name - she has to call it boredom. Feel bad for this family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Intelligence tests are normed by age, down the the month, so a held back/redshirted kid could still legitimately test as gifted. But yes they do tend to be over-identified.

Here is an anecdote for all the people who insist that redshirting is not perceived by children as being held back and that redhirted kids never ever get made fun of for being held back. At some event I overheard a group of about half a dozen kids in the 5th grade who went to different schools discussing who among them was the oldest. When an early summer redshirted girl aas determined to be the oldest, another laughed at her and said "you got held back!"

Folks, kids KNOW.

Only you know you nut

Nope, kids definitely notice the old kids in the grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Intelligence tests are normed by age, down the the month, so a held back/redshirted kid could still legitimately test as gifted. But yes they do tend to be over-identified.

Here is an anecdote for all the people who insist that redshirting is not perceived by children as being held back and that redhirted kids never ever get made fun of for being held back. At some event I overheard a group of about half a dozen kids in the 5th grade who went to different schools discussing who among them was the oldest. When an early summer redshirted girl aas determined to be the oldest, another laughed at her and said "you got held back!"

Folks, kids KNOW.

Only you know you nut

Nope, kids definitely notice the old kids in the grade.

And? The kids don’t care who is the oldest or youngest. Their deranged parents care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP,

Autism screams out at me from your description of this neighbor's child. There must be some twice exceptionality there (meaning high IQ with some sort of learning disability or special need).

I say this because I have a gifted, learning disabled kid. He has ADHD and ASD, plus some learning disabilities. Also he has a high IQ. He has never fit in: when he was redshirted, on the advice of his pediatrician, he was academically bored but socially it was only a tiny bit better. We skipped him ahead again, because I realized that socially he would never completely fit in, so it was better to keep him challenged academically.

My point is this: please don't be too offended by this parent. Maybe internally she's deeply worried about her child, and she's trying to figure it out. Whatever her parent is doing or not doing, consider that this child, unlike yours, will always have a harder time because she has a neurodivergence that will not go away. My son is in college now, and just as intellectual and socially awkward as before. He won't be able to network or befriend people like normal people do. It will impact his professional and private life.

Your kid is lucky - she is bright and socially attuned. Keep in mind that she has much higher chances of success in life than my kid or your neighbor's kid.

I posted the above. Maybe I didn't make this clear, OP, but if her child is neurodivergent (and from the context, she might very well be), then it's clear the mother hasn't realized it yet. Hence why she's going on about it. Otherwise she would just say, given that she's comfortable sharing with you: "Larla is gifted and on the spectrum, there's a enormous discrepancy between her academic and social skills, it's really hard to know how to parent her. On the one hand she needs academic challenge - I need to enrich at home. On the other, she needs social skills coaching." Or some version of that. This is exactly how my son is, so BTDT myself.

But we can sit here forever and speculate. The reality is that you might never know what's really going on, so if you're annoyed by this woman, try to avoid her politely. And if she corners you, muster up enough compassion to get through the inevitable complaints

[Anonymous]

I would have said: “it’s not always about the money! We for example could afford an extra year in preschool, but did not want our daughter to get bored with kids that are a whole year younger than she is”

This mom sounds insufferable. We redshirted our daughter that was born 6 days before cutoff, but I would never say (or think) the things this woman is saying! I am actually a little embarrassed about redshirting my DD (though I don’t regret it) when talking moms of kids that are almost a year you get than my daughter and in the same class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like she’s insecure about her decision and also about her child. “She’s so bored” is usually a euphemism for the kid who acts out and other kids are annoyed by them lol. Classic adhd behavior if we are going to dcum diagnose.

Since she’s going on and on about it, seems like she wants advice - at least mention the option of moving her child back ahead to her correct grade. To be honest though, I think the real issue here is likely her child’s misbehavior and social rejection, that her low self esteem can’t allow herself to name - she has to call it boredom. Feel bad for this family.

Completely agree on the insecurity and droning on about giftedness is as tiresome as it gets. Still, other than asking (nicely, not nastily) if she’s considered moving ahead a year since the child is *so* bored. The gift of time was, perhaps, helpful when the kid was 5 but now is a hindrance that she’s mentioned frequently, so…

It won’t matter and she’ll keep saying the same stuff forever. So just know that you made the right decision for your own kid and make that your mantra as you grit your teeth for the 47th time.

My parents put me in school early — not on time, but actually early. By middle school, they said they regretted it because I was emotionally younger than my grade level peers. In reality, I was academically advanced, but was a bit of an oddball. Still am. An extra year at home at 5 wouldn’t have made me any less goofy at 52. My parents made the right decision for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like she’s insecure about her decision and also about her child. “She’s so bored” is usually a euphemism for the kid who acts out and other kids are annoyed by them lol. Classic adhd behavior if we are going to dcum diagnose.

Since she’s going on and on about it, seems like she wants advice - at least mention the option of moving her child back ahead to her correct grade. To be honest though, I think the real issue here is likely her child’s misbehavior and social rejection, that her low self esteem can’t allow herself to name - she has to call it boredom. Feel bad for this family.

Completely agree on the insecurity and droning on about giftedness is as tiresome as it gets. Still, other than asking (nicely, not nastily) if she’s considered moving ahead a year since the child is *so* bored. The gift of time was, perhaps, helpful when the kid was 5 but now is a hindrance that she’s mentioned frequently, so…

It won’t matter and she’ll keep saying the same stuff forever. So just know that you made the right decision for your own kid and make that your mantra as you grit your teeth for the 47th time.

My parents put me in school early — not on time, but actually early. By middle school, they said they regretted it because I was emotionally younger than my grade level peers. In reality, I was academically advanced, but was a bit of an oddball. Still am. An extra year at home at 5 wouldn’t have made me any less goofy at 52. My parents made the right decision for me.

So weird

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Intelligence tests are normed by age, down the the month, so a held back/redshirted kid could still legitimately test as gifted. But yes they do tend to be over-identified.

Here is an anecdote for all the people who insist that redshirting is not perceived by children as being held back and that redhirted kids never ever get made fun of for being held back. At some event I overheard a group of about half a dozen kids in the 5th grade who went to different schools discussing who among them was the oldest. When an early summer redshirted girl aas determined to be the oldest, another laughed at her and said "you got held back!"

Folks, kids KNOW.

Only you know you nut

Nope, kids definitely notice the old kids in the grade.

And? The kids don’t care who is the oldest or youngest. Their deranged parents care.

Kids who are too old for the grade often get made fun of unless they are the top of the class academically. It's a gamble to hold your kid back from starting kindergarten on time. You're betting on that extra year to make them appear smarter, but if the kid is average or worse, then you've created a new problem. Kids will make fun of the slow kids regardless of age, but the held back slow kids get it worse. I remember well my DD's elem had some really vicious young-for-the-grade bullies who picked on a redshirted girl who was behind in reading. You're doing a disservice to your kid if you don't factor that in your decision to delay kindergarten. I've seen the "social reasons" backfire enough times to make me very skeptical of the redshirting benefits

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Intelligence tests are normed by age, down the the month, so a held back/redshirted kid could still legitimately test as gifted. But yes they do tend to be over-identified.

Here is an anecdote for all the people who insist that redshirting is not perceived by children as being held back and that redhirted kids never ever get made fun of for being held back. At some event I overheard a group of about half a dozen kids in the 5th grade who went to different schools discussing who among them was the oldest. When an early summer redshirted girl aas determined to be the oldest, another laughed at her and said "you got held back!"

Folks, kids KNOW.

Only you know you nut

Nope, kids definitely notice the old kids in the grade.

And? The kids don’t care who is the oldest or youngest. Their deranged parents care.

Kids who are too old for the grade often get made fun of unless they are the top of the class academically. It's a gamble to hold your kid back from starting kindergarten on time. You're betting on that extra year to make them appear smarter, but if the kid is average or worse, then you've created a new problem. Kids will make fun of the slow kids regardless of age, but the held back slow kids get it worse. I remember well my DD's elem had some really vicious young-for-the-grade bullies who picked on a redshirted girl who was behind in reading. You're doing a disservice to your kid if you don't factor that in your decision to delay kindergarten. I've seen the "social reasons" backfire enough times to make me very skeptical of the redshirting benefits

No they don’t. Where do you get your information from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Intelligence tests are normed by age, down the the month, so a held back/redshirted kid could still legitimately test as gifted. But yes they do tend to be over-identified.

Here is an anecdote for all the people who insist that redshirting is not perceived by children as being held back and that redhirted kids never ever get made fun of for being held back. At some event I overheard a group of about half a dozen kids in the 5th grade who went to different schools discussing who among them was the oldest. When an early summer redshirted girl aas determined to be the oldest, another laughed at her and said "you got held back!"

Folks, kids KNOW.

Only you know you nut

Nope, kids definitely notice the old kids in the grade.

And? The kids don’t care who is the oldest or youngest. Their deranged parents care.

Kids who are too old for the grade often get made fun of unless they are the top of the class academically. It's a gamble to hold your kid back from starting kindergarten on time. You're betting on that extra year to make them appear smarter, but if the kid is average or worse, then you've created a new problem. Kids will make fun of the slow kids regardless of age, but the held back slow kids get it worse. I remember well my DD's elem had some really vicious young-for-the-grade bullies who picked on a redshirted girl who was behind in reading. You're doing a disservice to your kid if you don't factor that in your decision to delay kindergarten. I've seen the "social reasons" backfire enough times to make me very skeptical of the redshirting benefits

Sorry your daughter went to such a backwards school but I haven’t seen this at all in any of my kid’s classrooms. This is not a general experience.

[Anonymous]

Live and let live!!
Ignore the redshirt mom and focus your energy on your non-redshirted kid that is also bored at school.

[Anonymous]

My 6 year old is one of the oldest girls in first grade not by redshirting (which isn’t allowed we live in nyc and it’s calendar year so if you have a Dec birthday you are the youngest. She’s bored in first grade and brings her own books to read during downtime. Shes smart yes but I know a lot of it is being an older girl. She has a friend in the same boat and the two of them share books etc. it does even out as kids get older I hear. Plus it will suck to be one of the first girls to go thru puberty.

[Anonymous]

Wits the cutoff

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 6 year old is one of the oldest girls in first grade not by redshirting (which isn’t allowed we live in nyc and it’s calendar year so if you have a Dec birthday you are the youngest. She’s bored in first grade and brings her own books to read during downtime. Shes smart yes but I know a lot of it is being an older girl. She has a friend in the same boat and the two of them share books etc. it does even out as kids get older I hear. Plus it will suck to be one of the first girls to go thru puberty.

Puberty doesn’t happen exactly on schedule by birthday. My DD is one of the oldest in 5th grade with a birthday just after the cutoff and nowhere near puberty. For what its worth the younger and earlier developing girls lord it over the rest for being shorter and not needing bras.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is in 4th grade, she’s a summer birthday sent on time, so she will be 9 all year. She’s done well in school, very social, no big issues. DH and I were both fall birthdays and gifted and often bored, so that factored heavily into not holding her back. We are ok with her being smart, but fine if she’s not “gifted” .

However, our neighbor who is die hard redshirting, obviously held back her summer birthday kid. She’s over a year older than my daughter and they are in the sane grade.

The mom won’t shut up about how “gifted” her kid is (she’s definitely smart) and goes on and on about how bored her kid is. She also got on her kids teacher to develop a different curriculum just for her kid because she’s “so smart and so bored”. I feel so bad for her teacher.

I bite my tongue, but she keeps talking about it. I’m tempted to point that her kid really should be in the grade above… also she’s die hard redshirting due to social issues and ironically, her kid is so awkward. The extra year did her no favors.

If she wasn’t so condescending, always spouting off about “the gift of time” because of redshirting… and acting like only poor people who can’t afford to send their kid to another year of preschool, are the ones that send their summer kids on time- I’d continue to ignore her, but I’m over it… how would you respond?

NP. You are a nasty piece of work. Why do DCUM anti-redshirters seem to have such paltry social skills? It is truly bizarre.

I did not redshirt, before you predictably claim I did. I’m just fascinated by the weirdo anti-redshirters on DCUM.