Vocal Redshirt Mom

[Anonymous]

DD is in 4th grade, she’s a summer birthday sent on time, so she will be 9 all year. She’s done well in school, very social, no big issues. DH and I were both fall birthdays and gifted and often bored, so that factored heavily into not holding her back. We are ok with her being smart, but fine if she’s not “gifted” .

However, our neighbor who is die hard redshirting, obviously held back her summer birthday kid. She’s over a year older than my daughter and they are in the sane grade.

The mom won’t shut up about how “gifted” her kid is (she’s definitely smart) and goes on and on about how bored her kid is. She also got on her kids teacher to develop a different curriculum just for her kid because she’s “so smart and so bored”. I feel so bad for her teacher.

I bite my tongue, but she keeps talking about it. I’m tempted to point that her kid really should be in the grade above… also she’s die hard redshirting due to social issues and ironically, her kid is so awkward. The extra year did her no favors.

If she wasn’t so condescending, always spouting off about “the gift of time” because of redshirting… and acting like only poor people who can’t afford to send their kid to another year of preschool, are the ones that send their summer kids on time- I’d continue to ignore her, but I’m over it… how would you respond?

[Anonymous]

I'd stop talking to someone who is that annoying.

[Anonymous]

Tell her you cannot gift time. We all die when we die. And, if her kid is so bored and gifted she should skip a grade.

[Anonymous]

"Gosh, have you ever thought that your daughter wouldn't be bored now if you had sent her to school on time? Such a shame she had to waste a year."


But I'm mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Gosh, have you ever thought that your daughter wouldn't be bored now if you had sent her to school on time? Such a shame she had to waste a year."


But I'm mean.

Op here. Some version of this is on the tip of my tongue.

I could even understand if she backed off of her “redshirt your kid or they are doomed” stance once she realized maybe redshirting her kid was part of the problem, but she hasn’t.

[Anonymous]

A softer version would be:

"DD is so bored."
"Yeah, it can be tough to be one of the oldest in the grade for that reason."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Gosh, have you ever thought that your daughter wouldn't be bored now if you had sent her to school on time? Such a shame she had to waste a year."


But I'm mean.

+1

[Anonymous]

Didn’t we have this exact same thread a week ago

[Anonymous]

Not your circus

[Anonymous]

You bite your tongue yet still want to out the woman

[Anonymous]

Die hard redshirting? Sure. And you think her kid is awkward. You sound so lovely and sane yourself.

[Anonymous]

I would not involve myself in these conversations at all.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Autism screams out at me from your description of this neighbor's child. There must be some twice exceptionality there (meaning high IQ with some sort of learning disability or special need).

I say this because I have a gifted, learning disabled kid. He has ADHD and ASD, plus some learning disabilities. Also he has a high IQ. He has never fit in: when he was redshirted, on the advice of his pediatrician, he was academically bored but socially it was only a tiny bit better. We skipped him ahead again, because I realized that socially he would never completely fit in, so it was better to keep him challenged academically.

My point is this: please don't be too offended by this parent. Maybe internally she's deeply worried about her child, and she's trying to figure it out. Whatever her parent is doing or not doing, consider that this child, unlike yours, will always have a harder time because she has a neurodivergence that will not go away. My son is in college now, and just as intellectual and socially awkward as before. He won't be able to network or befriend people like normal people do. It will impact his professional and private life.

Your kid is lucky - she is bright and socially attuned. Keep in mind that she has much higher chances of success in life than my kid or your neighbor's kid.

[Anonymous]

Quite a leap to label this older child neurodiverse! Sounds like a kid who is too old for her grade and nothing more. I have met many of these diehard redshirting moms and they are insufferable with their “gift of time” nonsense. Meanwhile many of their kids stand out as way too old for the grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t we have this exact same thread a week ago

Yes, and it was in the general parenting forum I believe. OP got plenty of answers there. Why does this need a rehash? Is this a troll?