Disagreeing on when to retire with spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have around $2.5-3m in assets, excluding any home equity in our primary residence. I feel like we can live on just my spouse's income, maybe cutting back just slightly. My spouse does not want to cut back on our lifestyle at all.

Seems fair.
what if spouses wants to retire today too?

OP here. I already answered that and said it would be fine.

You said it would be fine, meaning that you would have no problem with it. But financially, it likely would not be fine. The math is very tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have around $2.5-3m in assets, excluding any home equity in our primary residence. I feel like we can live on just my spouse's income, maybe cutting back just slightly. My spouse does not want to cut back on our lifestyle at all.

Seems fair.
what if spouses wants to retire today too?

OP here. I already answered that and said it would be fine.

Then what would you do for healthcare? I think you're too young to fully understand how things change wrt what you need medically as you get older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have around $2.5-3m in assets, excluding any home equity in our primary residence. I feel like we can live on just my spouse's income, maybe cutting back just slightly. My spouse does not want to cut back on our lifestyle at all.

Seems fair.
what if spouses wants to retire today too?

OP here. I already answered that and said it would be fine.

Then what would you do for healthcare? I think you're too young to fully understand how things change wrt what you need medically as you get older.

Also, ACA is great, you have some options. But it is NOT cheap. in our 50s, coverage for 2, with VSP and Dental will run $2K/month, with a $6K/12K deductible and max OOP of $9K/$18K. No Out of Network Coverage, except urgent care and ER.

In comparison, we pay $270/month for FULL Family (worker/spouse/all kids) for a PPO (not EPO), $1250/$2500 deductible Ind/Family and max OOP $3500/7K. And we have Out of network OOP capped at $7K/$14K. I believe COBRA costs would be $1900/month. So about the same but for way less coverage and No OON coverage. Not an issue normally, but it is nice to know that if you have some rare medical condition, you can choose to go anywhere in USA and at max pay $7K. With ACA, you are left locally to choose (and we have excellent choices)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, OP is a troll. No doubt about it. But I’ll say this anyway: you’re “retired” in name only if your spouse is still working full time. The only difference is that instead of your schedule revolving around your work, it revolves around your spouse’s. You’re still not free by any means.

Why? I still work 45-50 hours a week, my spouse has been retired since 2021. He makes dinner for the family and grocery shops but otherwise is completely free. Goes out of town, goes out with friends, etc. How is he not free?

[Anonymous]

There was a recent thread recently, by a poster who was mad that their spouse was retiring early

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, OP is a troll. No doubt about it. But I’ll say this anyway: you’re “retired” in name only if your spouse is still working full time. The only difference is that instead of your schedule revolving around your work, it revolves around your spouse’s. You’re still not free by any means.

Why? I still work 45-50 hours a week, my spouse has been retired since 2021. He makes dinner for the family and grocery shops but otherwise is completely free. Goes out of town, goes out with friends, etc. How is he not free?

Would you be cool with him going south for six months a year without you?

He’s not completely free. He’s tethered to you and your shackles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone else here disagree with their spouse on when they should retire? I want to retire very early, but my spouse wants us to both work for as long as possible, at least until the traditional retirement age. How do you reconcile the two? Yes, we discussed this during dating, when my spouse voiced support for my retirement goals. But that was before kids, childcare expenses, and buying a house.

If kids were added after the agreement to stop working at 40, then the decision to have kids supersedes the stop working at 40 - same for deciding to purchase a house.

You both have room to compromise here. Talk about each of your financial goals. Maybe, the compromise is to retire at 50 or after youngest graduates from college or whatever you two decide together.

I think the "agreement" to retire was before they actually calculated the cost of living a whole life.

Like agreeing to win the lottery

[Anonymous]

My husband and I have a somewhat similar financial situation. We got to our original FIRE number earlier than expected due to an inheritance, and now the lifestyle creep is happening in part because we never intended to retire at 40 and in part because it’s nice to travel more, eat out, and plan for a second home purchase.

My husband’s preference would be for us both to work at 100% for as little time as possible and then retire fully. We’ll likely compromise with him working full-time at least to mid-40s and then part-time for another 5-10 years to cover our health insurance while I downgrade to consulting. There was a time when I wanted to retire fully while he continued part-time work but I think that will inevitably create an imbalance for us.

Perhaps you can compromise by pulling back on how much you work or the type of work, but still generate some income with a job you’d enjoy more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have around $2.5-3m in assets, excluding any home equity in our primary residence. I feel like we can live on just my spouse's income, maybe cutting back just slightly. My spouse does not want to cut back on our lifestyle at all.

What if he also wants to retire now?

Why do you assume OP is a woman - is it just because the site is called "DC Urban Moms?" The FIRE movement, especially the ultra-early and ultra-frugal version, which OP is espousing, is made up almost 100% of men.

+1

[Anonymous]

I think you can pull it off financially. Plenty of people live on less than that. And if spouse earns a lot, even better. You've got to talk it through with spouse though. Both of your financial goals seem very vague - one wants as much as possible, and the other wants to retire early. I think you need to reframe in terms of lifestyle expectations, and then how much those lifestyles cost. Maybe talking it through with a counselor would be easier. You've done a great job saving so far - maybe you aren't as far apart as you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have around $2.5-3m in assets, excluding any home equity in our primary residence. I feel like we can live on just my spouse's income, maybe cutting back just slightly. My spouse does not want to cut back on our lifestyle at all.

What if he also wants to retire now?

Why do you assume OP is a woman - is it just because the site is called "DC Urban Moms?" The FIRE movement, especially the ultra-early and ultra-frugal version, which OP is espousing, is made up almost 100% of men.

+1

I was driving home thinking about this post. And it occurred to me that OP is a guy. That is why there is no mention of child care, concern about college. He's dreams of being a slacker, which doesn't cost that much--with no concern for his kids. He might be the guy who said on another thread that no way was he paying for his kids college. Let them get loans!

I wonder how much he has contributed to this 2.5 - 3MM assets. (Note how he calls them assets and wouldn't clarify when asked what these assets are.) And I bet a lot is crypto. DW has grown up and seen what it takes and now she's stuck with a slacker and doing all the work.

[Anonymous]

If he likes to spend his time working, there is nothing you can do about it. You can frame it as greed, but that doesn't make it so.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand. I can be a slacker too, for sure, but you are so young. Why not find some kind of low paying work that you enjoy or that you consider meaningful?
I mean, are you just going to hang out and read Nietzsche and play Xbox for forty years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand. I can be a slacker too, for sure, but you are so young. Why not find some kind of low paying work that you enjoy or that you consider meaningful?
I mean, are you just going to hang out and read Nietzsche and play Xbox for forty years?

And be no help with child care. Hence: retire, not SAHP. OP is a piece of work.

[Anonymous]

You don't explain why you want to retire early, OP.

My husband didn't even have a conversation with me about this. He just stopped looking for work after being let go. So he's retired. Or unemployed. I don't think he'll ever work again. he loves to garden, so that keeps him busy some months of the year, and apart from that, he sits at his computer, reading the news and watching nature docs or DYI repair videos. Does he clean the house, do laundry, wash dishes, take care of the pets, manage the children's lives, with their activities, medical appointments and college admissions? No. But he cooks a little.

I am resentful of this situation, and your spouse will be too.