Why would a mother not call her grown children?

[Anonymous]

I can't work out what OP is in relation to a mother who doesn't call. Is OP one of the "Good kids"? Actually, creepily nosing into one of her friend's life?

[Anonymous]

My kids have kids, and with both parents working it's hard to get them at a good time. I mostly wait for calls, and they call when they have the time. No one seems unhappy.

[Anonymous]

My mother lives 3 blocks away and can go months without calling me, when she does it's to talk about herself or complain about one of my siblings.

I keep her at arms length and do not initiate contact with her because of the above. 2 of my sisters have no contact with her for there own reasons also.

As a mother myself to 2 adult daughters and an 18 year old I don't understand it.

[Anonymous]

My children's schedules are so busy I don't want to interfere and they know that, although I am always thinking about them. We text on the daily about this and that and they call me whenever they have free time for a long catch up chat. Works for all of us and no bitterness or hard feelings, I simply defer to them enjoying their daily lives. They know their mother always loves them and is always thinking about them and will always pick that phone up just to hear their voices. I do not understand the drama some of my friends and their kids put into their relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My children's schedules are so busy I don't want to interfere and they know that, although I am always thinking about them. We text on the daily about this and that and they call me whenever they have free time for a long catch up chat. Works for all of us and no bitterness or hard feelings, I simply defer to them enjoying their daily lives. They know their mother always loves them and is always thinking about them and will always pick that phone up just to hear their voices. I do not understand the drama some of my friends and their kids put into their relationships.

The drama is mostly about control, often the elderly parent angry their adult child won’t meet expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My children's schedules are so busy I don't want to interfere and they know that, although I am always thinking about them. We text on the daily about this and that and they call me whenever they have free time for a long catch up chat. Works for all of us and no bitterness or hard feelings, I simply defer to them enjoying their daily lives. They know their mother always loves them and is always thinking about them and will always pick that phone up just to hear their voices. I do not understand the drama some of my friends and their kids put into their relationships.

No one knows "their mother always loves them" when she plays games and doesn't call for years on end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure about years, but my MIL waits until DH texts/calls her. She will never be the first one to reach out. She just gets pissier (sp?) and pissier about it lol.

I've seen this before it makes no sense. Is this some form of a "test" from a total narcissist? I wish someone could explain this to me...

Not PP, but my mom does this. She refuses to call me. I think she’s a narcissist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure about years, but my MIL waits until DH texts/calls her. She will never be the first one to reach out. She just gets pissier (sp?) and pissier about it lol.

I've seen this before it makes no sense. Is this some form of a "test" from a total narcissist? I wish someone could explain this to me...

Oh 100%. She's very passive aggressive. She definitely uses it as a test to see how much he "loves" her. It just makes him want to talk to her even less

Same with my mom and me… that behavior does not make me want to call you.

[Anonymous]

My mom. She refused to call and believed her kids should call.grr rather than the other way around. Her mother, my grandmother, was the same way. In fact,every over 70 adult in my family is the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure about years, but my MIL waits until DH texts/calls her. She will never be the first one to reach out. She just gets pissier (sp?) and pissier about it lol.

This is my MIL…EXCEPT she will text when she needs him to do something. Like texting orders. Why? Because she’s an AH.

Seriously, my in laws literally have no relationship with anyone, even each other. When you see them, they just run their mouths about how much everyone they know sucks.

I keep finding comments to reply to … this is my parents 100%. Everyone sucks and is stupid. We were out to dinner (like a more casual place) and they were making fun of an entire family they deemed to be under dressed (they were fine) … loudly. I glance over at them and realize I know the dad professionally and he’s super successful. Thank god he didn’t hear, but when he came up to say hi, my parents were like “ugh, how do you know HIM?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you know a mother who doesn't call her grown adult children? How could a mother could/would go years without calling her children? Good kids.

My mother didn’t call me. We didn’t like each other. We had nothing to talk about. If there was something like a death in the family, of course she would call for things like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids probably hurt her and she’s trying to heal.

Yeah right. She was this nice loving mom and they were so mean to her for no reason.

Many kids today have bad influences at school or somewhere else. They insult their mothers just because she said no to some unsafe requests.

Why do certain people insist on trashing mothers as if they were all the same? Just stop it.

[Anonymous]

My mom is like this. I have no clue why she never calls. I used to call her all of the time, but I got tired of he never calling me so I've tapered off over the years.

She never asks about my kids and I'm just over it. She will text me about her travels, but it's always about her.

I think she's called me maybe 5 times since covid. Whenever she does call, I get worried that someone has died.

The only reason I can think of for why she doesn't call is that she just doesn't care that much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids probably hurt her and she’s trying to heal.

Yeah right. She was this nice loving mom and they were so mean to her for no reason.

Many kids today have bad influences at school or somewhere else. They insult their mothers just because she said no to some unsafe requests.

Why do certain people insist on trashing mothers as if they were all the same? Just stop it.

No I won’t “just stop it.” We are talking about adult children, not school kids who are pouting about curfew. If a mother was caring and loving and showed an interest in her children, then, barring substance abuse or mental illness, it is highly unlikely they would just randomly ghost her when they became adults.

Mothers have so much more power over the relationship, and many misuse it and are really really awful parents. So don’t give me this “she’s not calling for years because she is healing from her kid insulting her.” BS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My children's schedules are so busy I don't want to interfere and they know that, although I am always thinking about them. We text on the daily about this and that and they call me whenever they have free time for a long catch up chat. Works for all of us and no bitterness or hard feelings, I simply defer to them enjoying their daily lives. They know their mother always loves them and is always thinking about them and will always pick that phone up just to hear their voices. I do not understand the drama some of my friends and their kids put into their relationships.

No one knows "their mother always loves them" when she plays games and doesn't call for years on end.

I’m sorry you don’t know your mother loves you. I’m thankful my children know their parents love them every second of every day. They’re not insecure and are healthy adults. You might want to work on yourself.