Why would a mother not call her grown children?

[Anonymous]

I can count on one hand the number of times either parent has called me. They "never know when I'm available", so they claim. If I don't call, we'll go months without talking until I give in (I tested it during a particularly stubborn phase in my 20s). I generally call once every week or two to attempt to keep the lines of communication open.

FWIW, we live across the country from each other and see each other once every year or so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you know a mother who doesn't call her grown adult children? How could a mother could/would go years without calling her children? Good kids.

Yes. Mine. She doesn't care and I'm happy she doesn't call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure about years, but my MIL waits until DH texts/calls her. She will never be the first one to reach out. She just gets pissier (sp?) and pissier about it lol.

I've seen this before it makes no sense. Is this some form of a "test" from a total narcissist? I wish someone could explain this to me...

Yes.

My mother never calls me and I always have to call. You have to keep demonstrating that they are the center of the universe and demonstrating how much you like them. It's a narc power play.

I experience the exact same. You summarized it so well. My mom needs to be have all the attention on her and when we do talk, it all revolves around her.
If she sends a gift for the kids...oh my, she just keeps talking about the gift. You just can't give her enough attention. It's exhausting to be around her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure about years, but my MIL waits until DH texts/calls her. She will never be the first one to reach out. She just gets pissier (sp?) and pissier about it lol.

This is my MIL…EXCEPT she will text when she needs him to do something. Like texting orders. Why? Because she’s an AH.

Seriously, my in laws literally have no relationship with anyone, even each other. When you see them, they just run their mouths about how much everyone they know sucks.

What is an AH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you know a mother who doesn't call her grown adult children? How could a mother could/would go years without calling her children? Good kids.

why haven’t her kids called her in years?

They have!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids probably hurt her and she’s trying to heal.

Yeah right. She was this nice loving mom and they were so mean to her for no reason.

+1000
More like the absent, vain, selfish mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom hasn’t called or texted me in decades. My dad will call, and if it’s convenient for her she will pop into the FaceTime and say hi.

A couple days after I had major surgery last year I texted her and said “btw the surgery went well.” And she responded “Oh, good.” (She’s a nurse, too.)

I used to call more often but I don’t bother anymore because she DGAF.

That's messed up PP. I know the feeling. Any idea why she treats you like this? Are you the only child? Is she like this with your siblings too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure about years, but my MIL waits until DH texts/calls her. She will never be the first one to reach out. She just gets pissier (sp?) and pissier about it lol.

This is my MIL…EXCEPT she will text when she needs him to do something. Like texting orders. Why? Because she’s an AH.

Seriously, my in laws literally have no relationship with anyone, even each other. When you see them, they just run their mouths about how much everyone they know sucks.

That’s my parents. They have no outside relationships and just sit in their recliners all day, watching TV and sneering at everyone else. They often talk about how smart they are and how stupid most other people are.

What is this? and the previous poster too is this resentment at having kids? I'm really trying to figure this mentality out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you know a mother who doesn't call her grown adult children? How could a mother could/would go years without calling her children? Good kids.

Yes. Mine. She doesn't care and I'm happy she doesn't call.

Was there a fight? Bad blood that led us to this? Do you ever call her? Any more details here you could share please?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure about years, but my MIL waits until DH texts/calls her. She will never be the first one to reach out. She just gets pissier (sp?) and pissier about it lol.

I've seen this before it makes no sense. Is this some form of a "test" from a total narcissist? I wish someone could explain this to me...

Yes.

My mother never calls me and I always have to call. You have to keep demonstrating that they are the center of the universe and demonstrating how much you like them. It's a narc power play.

I experience the exact same. You summarized it so well. My mom needs to be have all the attention on her and when we do talk, it all revolves around her.
If she sends a gift for the kids...oh my, she just keeps talking about the gift. You just can't give her enough attention. It's exhausting to be around her.

This sounds like a total narcissist to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure about years, but my MIL waits until DH texts/calls her. She will never be the first one to reach out. She just gets pissier (sp?) and pissier about it lol.

I've seen this before it makes no sense. Is this some form of a "test" from a total narcissist? I wish someone could explain this to me...

My parents are like this. My mom doesn’t call now because I don’t do things her way. I must first apologize crying on my knees before her admitting that I did everything wrong. My dad won’t dare pick up the phone without her blessing.

[Anonymous]

I like the "let them" approach. If they don't want to call/attend grandchildren events/visit...let them. Let people be who they are and focus on the people who show you they care. No need to diagnose and wonder and get lost if what a mother should be. This is who she is. Accept it and let her be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like the "let them" approach. If they don't want to call/attend grandchildren events/visit...let them. Let people be who they are and focus on the people who show you they care. No need to diagnose and wonder and get lost if what a mother should be. This is who she is. Accept it and let her be.

A lot of us don't accept this lazy approach to parenting. They shouldn't have had kids just to ignore us their whole lives! What was the point? Checking a box?

[Anonymous]

We never had a relationship. She spent more time on the phone with her own mother, sisters and friends than she ever did with me as a kid. In fact that’s all I remember about her.

[Anonymous]

We just had this thread a few weeks ago