How to tell friend I don’t want him to walk me home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care how nice a neighborhood you live in but if it’s after dark let him walk you home. If we have a female neighbor over my husband will always walk her home even if it’s only a couple of streets away. Yes, women are independent and can take care of themselves but…….

Np, I agree with this. Maybe because I am a late Gen Xer, but I like chivalry from men-- even men who are just friends. I think it's super sweet that he cares about your safety.

I am also late gen x and think the opposite. It isn't chivalry it is being pushy

Agreed. It's the "one weird trick" of someone who is interested but not secure enough to be up front about it. Plausible deniability plus a justified reason to push past her "no."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care how nice a neighborhood you live in but if it’s after dark let him walk you home. If we have a female neighbor over my husband will always walk her home even if it’s only a couple of streets away. Yes, women are independent and can take care of themselves but…….

Np, I agree with this. Maybe because I am a late Gen Xer, but I like chivalry from men-- even men who are just friends. I think it's super sweet that he cares about your safety.

It is sweet, and yet, she can acknowledge that while still politely declining the unnecessary effort.

Not sweet if she dos not want it. Read the room gentlemen!

[Anonymous]

Insisting someone take something they don't want is not kindness.

There is an interesting mental exercise to do here. If OP were the man's boss, and she had declined something like being walked to her car, or someone to accompany her to a meeting, would he insist?

He probably knows which women in his life are permitted to make their own decisions and which are the ones he can safely override under justification of doing it for their own good.

I'm not saying he's a bad guy. I'm not saying he is necessarily even conscious and aware to himself about what he's doing.

I'm merely saying adults make their own decisions, regardless of their gender, and that true politeness is respecting that, not trying to push past it.

[Anonymous]

If you can only stand two hours with this person, then at an hour and 40 min in I would say I had to go. Then he can walk you home before you are sick of him. Safety first!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can only stand two hours with this person, then at an hour and 40 min in I would say I had to go. Then he can walk you home before you are sick of him. Safety first!

My neighborhood is not unsafe. As a person of color he is more likely to have an unpleasant encounter than I am.

[Anonymous]

Women are more than capable of assessing their surroundings and making decisions about their own actions. Women are. Arable of being independent and making their own decisions, even those that include some form of risk. Getting in a car is more dangerous than walking home. Men and women both assume risk in everyday life.

So many on here who really see women like dependent toddlers who can’t make informed decisions. Needing a man to make decisions for them and needing to be walked home as one would a child. Very sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can only stand two hours with this person, then at an hour and 40 min in I would say I had to go. Then he can walk you home before you are sick of him. Safety first!

My neighborhood is not unsafe. As a person of color he is more likely to have an unpleasant encounter than I am.

Maybe that's why he's walking you home. If something did happen to you and he was the last known person to be seen with you, who is his alibi? Who is going to give him the benefit of the doubt? Who is going to stand up for him when the DCUMob scrambles for its pitchforks? By your own admission, your neighborhood is less safe for him than it is for you. The fact that he is presumed guilty should anything befall you is one of the reasons why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he walking you home for safety reasons? He probably feels responsible.

“I would like to walk home alone to decompress.”

Change that to say, "Thank you, I will walk home alone to decompress." Don't make it sound optional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can only stand two hours with this person, then at an hour and 40 min in I would say I had to go. Then he can walk you home before you are sick of him. Safety first!

My neighborhood is not unsafe. As a person of color he is more likely to have an unpleasant encounter than I am.

Maybe you should walk him home, then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can only stand two hours with this person, then at an hour and 40 min in I would say I had to go. Then he can walk you home before you are sick of him. Safety first!

My neighborhood is not unsafe. As a person of color he is more likely to have an unpleasant encounter than I am.

Um. I think this means your neighborhood is not as safe as you seem to think it is. Why do you live with a bunch of racists?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can only stand two hours with this person, then at an hour and 40 min in I would say I had to go. Then he can walk you home before you are sick of him. Safety first!

And why is that? Whom is she being protected against and why do women have to be caged up instead of correcting those who do harm?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Thanks for the offer, but I’m planning to call my mom as I walk home so I’ll just go by myself, but I can text you when I’m home so you know I’m safe.”

I like this one the best. It’s clear what you want without being rude and, if the issue is he’s concerned about your safety, it covers that.

[Anonymous]

Men with a younger sister tend to be cautious like that as growing up they are always told to look out for their sister.

[Anonymous]

Why assume chauvinism or chivalry? May be he is just lonely and doesn't mind extra walk if it comes with a one on one human connection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can only stand two hours with this person, then at an hour and 40 min in I would say I had to go. Then he can walk you home before you are sick of him. Safety first!

My neighborhood is not unsafe. As a person of color he is more likely to have an unpleasant encounter than I am.

Maybe that's why he's walking you home. If something did happen to you and he was the last known person to be seen with you, who is his alibi? Who is going to give him the benefit of the doubt? Who is going to stand up for him when the DCUMob scrambles for its pitchforks? By your own admission, your neighborhood is less safe for him than it is for you. The fact that he is presumed guilty should anything befall you is one of the reasons why.

OP here. I'm not going to defer my comfort on the very unlikely chance that something happens to me and he is blamed. That is truly warped and paranoid thinking. And no, I'm not going to walk him home. If he feels unsafe, he can take an Uber. As I've said, our neighborhood is very safe and the likelihood of anything happening to either of us is vanishingly small.