12yo wearing unflattering clothes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 12yo DD is a little overweight (has a belly and thicker legs) and of course wants to dress just like her friends in short shorts, tight tanks and cropped tees. The reality is that it just doesn’t look very good on her and I worry that her peers and boys are going to pick up on that compared to her twig like friends. She isn’t bothered though and has great self confidence, so I don’t want to do anything that could impact that going into her teen years.

Do I just keep my mouth shut and let her wear what she wants? When she has tried really unflattering things in the past that she says she loves I’ve replied with things like - that looks nice/ok but it’s not my favorite cut/color/style - but she doesn’t seem to care and just wants what everyone else has.

Who is buying the clothes? If it is you, than you can control what she wears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now it’s cool for women and girls of all shapes and sizes to wear revealing clothing to sexualize themselves for the male gaze, not just skinny and fit girls. What amazing progress for women!

I know. This is how I see it. But there is a contingent on here who will tell you it's great for women to sexualize and objectify themselves. It's their choice! Rah Rah Rah.

Blah blah blah. The brainwashing runs deep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don't say anything. I was a skinny twig of a girl and my mom still made me feel very self-conscious about what would or wouldn't look good on me. Is that why I have struggled a lot with low self-esteem? Who knows, but sure did not help.

What is wrong with discussing what looks good on you and what doesn’t? That’s why people try on clothes, to see if they fit and look good on them. You’d rather your mother lie and tell you that mumu you chose looks great on you when it doesn’t? Your self esteem is on you, don’t look for something silly to blame.

[Anonymous]

I think there is a middle ground. Let her pick out the clothes she likes - unless you are against how revealing they are in general. In addition, you could also go shopping with her to a place with trendy clothes and ask her to try on specific items and then praise the crap out of the ones that look better on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don't say anything. I was a skinny twig of a girl and my mom still made me feel very self-conscious about what would or wouldn't look good on me. Is that why I have struggled a lot with low self-esteem? Who knows, but sure did not help.

What is wrong with discussing what looks good on you and what doesn’t? That’s why people try on clothes, to see if they fit and look good on them. You’d rather your mother lie and tell you that mumu you chose looks great on you when it doesn’t? Your self esteem is on you, don’t look for something silly to blame.

You make it sound like there’s an objective standard of what “looks good on you.” Also the opinions of moms and mothers in law can have an outsized unintended effect (for many reasons) such that one has to be very careful and often better off saying nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now it’s cool for women and girls of all shapes and sizes to wear revealing clothing to sexualize themselves for the male gaze, not just skinny and fit girls. What amazing progress for women!

Um, half the teen girls (of all shapes and sizes) are sexualizing themselves for the female gaze.

Yep. Somebody in the teen forum asked for suggestions for a birthday present. Top suggestion was a giftcard for makeup. I suggested some parents don't want their teen in makeup, another said it is heteronormative. A bunch of middle aged women got their panties in a bunch. They like dressing their daughters up like little tarts. I don't understand it, I guess I'm a repressed square.