12yo wearing unflattering clothes

[Anonymous]

My mother constantly criticized my clothing choices because I was overweight. It was a nightmare for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound as if you would be fine with your daughter wearing the same clothes if she had the ideal "twig-like" body. If she's already dressing like her peers and you now give her the message that she needs to stop, all she's going to hear is "my mom thinks I'm fat!" Being 12 is hard enough. Make sure she has the right sizes for the body she has but you can't dress her.

I don’t think “my mom thinks I’m fat” is accurate. She can see herself! She knows how big her body is. What she will hear is “my mom is ashamed of me, and thinks I should be hidden away as a failure.”

[Anonymous]

I have a twig-like DD and I discouraged the short-shorts and cropped tops, and "no pants" look with the big T and short shorts combo. There are other ways they can look trendy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now it’s cool for women and girls of all shapes and sizes to wear revealing clothing to sexualize themselves for the male gaze, not just skinny and fit girls. What amazing progress for women!

Um, half the teen girls (of all shapes and sizes) are sexualizing themselves for the female gaze.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now it’s cool for women and girls of all shapes and sizes to wear revealing clothing to sexualize themselves for the male gaze, not just skinny and fit girls. What amazing progress for women!

Um, half the teen girls (of all shapes and sizes) are sexualizing themselves for the female gaze.

No, they do it for intersexual competition, aka the male gaze. Wake up.

[Anonymous]

are there any teen fashion magazines/catalogs that inspire a more flattering style?

[Anonymous]

I would let it go. Let her where what she wants. What you think is flattering is different from what she thinks is flattering. It’s acceptable now for all body types to wear revealing clothes. BUT she is 12. I’d put some limits in how revealing the clothes are due to age, but not due to her shape/size

[Anonymous]

My DD that age is in excellent shape (athlete) and doesn't wear that kind of stuff. Shortish lulu shorts but no cropped shirts or tanks. It's not appropriate for anyone that age, regardless of how thin they are. I really don't like seeing other people's abdomens. Ok if it's at the pool or beach but geez, why should we see bellies on display everywhere?

[Anonymous]

OP, even if she were not overweight, there might be the same problem. Some women just don't get it. They have more valuable skills, in other areas, but choosing what flatters them is not it. And that's ok. I'm not so sure it can be taught. If they aren't inclined to focus on it, I don't think the guidance will stick.

You can have rules. What can show and what can't. That has nothing to do with weight.

[Anonymous]

On the bright side they probably won't say anything directly to her it will just be in group chats so she probably won't fund out about it. Hopefully she's not on SM, the comments can get pretty brutal on there because it's anon.

[Anonymous]

A lot of these comments are weird. OP did not indicate that she has a problem with the styles, and said that this is what girls in her community are wearing. Daughter is not having social problems. The only person having a problem is mom, who complains of DD’s tummy and thighs.

[Anonymous]

You are probably buying her the clothes so just limit the number of outfits you are not fond of. My DD has a shape as well and not lanky like many of her peers. I'd be more concerned over the unwanted attention and making sure she is aware of it and can handle it. I'm all for women/girls being able to dress as they please without worrying about male attention. However the male attention is out there and can be skeevy. 12 is still young to know how to navigate the looks or if some perv says something to her.

As your DD ages and her body matures, she may never be thin like her friends. My DD isn't but she is muscular and strong. We have always discussed strength as that is how her body is shaped (broad shoulders, larger in the thighs and rear). She has always embraced her shape so the body positive discussions help even at a younger age. She's now 16 and understands on her own the importance of nutrition and how certain foods or drinks made her gain unnecessary weight. I am obese so I don't want my kids to be so I focus on nutrition and what has extra sugar etc. It took her years to understand this with my gentle hand. Just sharing more than just the clothes in case your DD has a body type/shape that sounds similar to my own DD and how we navigated it through puberty and afterwards

[Anonymous]

I would more or less let it go. Parents with older teens we know have come up with family clothing rules indicating that if parts are exposed, falling out when bending over, and/or the teen can't sit down comfortably then the teen needs larger size clothing. That family's emphasis seems to be on wearing clothes that properly fit, not directly attacking the clothes their daughter is wearing but largely has the same effect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Damn OP, you need some therapy asap before you give your daughter an eating disorder.

Why are you being extreme and trying to make OP feel terrible? She is being nothing but reasonable. There's a huge difference between suggesting better looking outfits and inducing "eating disorder".

The way she speaks about her daughter will absolutely affect her mental health at a very delicate time of her development. Op is 100% at risk of giving her child serious issues if she doesn’t start handling this better.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. I’m also sick of looking at out of shape, lumpy, overweight adult women in yoga pants but that apparently isn’t changing and I’m sure many of the really inappropriate posters on here fall in exactly the same boat. Why is it okay for those women to wear really awkwardly tight pants, and not your kid.