12yo wearing unflattering clothes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How fat is she?

She said a little overweight. Don’t be such a massive a hole.

[Anonymous]

Let her wear what she wants to wear but also be ready and willing to take her shopping again, no questions asked, if someone teases her or its no longer working for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now it’s cool for women and girls of all shapes and sizes to wear revealing clothing to sexualize themselves for the male gaze, not just skinny and fit girls. What amazing progress for women!

Nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 12yo DD is a little overweight (has a belly and thicker legs) and of course wants to dress just like her friends in short shorts, tight tanks and cropped tees. The reality is that it just doesn’t look very good on her and I worry that her peers and boys are going to pick up on that compared to her twig like friends. She isn’t bothered though and has great self confidence, so I don’t want to do anything that could impact that going into her teen years.

Do I just keep my mouth shut and let her wear what she wants? When she has tried really unflattering things in the past that she says she loves I’ve replied with things like - that looks nice/ok but it’s not my favorite cut/color/style - but she doesn’t seem to care and just wants what everyone else has.

Please don’t refer to healthy 12 year olds as twigs because they’re not overweight like your DD

A lot of 12 year old girls are very very thin indeed. Much like twigs. Many of the thinnest girls I knew at 12 are now very obese at 40 I see on social media. I was meanwhile a little chubby because I went through puberty early. Ive been very thin and in shape my whole adult life. Many kids get chubby at this age. Many very thin girls end up very overweight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let it be. She’s 12 and will likely grow out of the chubby stage but will forever remember her mom criticizing her body.

This!!!

[Anonymous]

Kids follow their peers at this age. If your goal is for her to be popular, let her wear what other kids are wearing. She won’t get cool points for wearing clothes out of step with her friends that are more attractive to her mom.

That said, even better would be to show her through your own outlook on these things that what your friends and boys think really do t matter. Nor does it really matter what clothes she wears period. That’s way better than any fashion advice you could impart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let her wear what she wants to wear but also be ready and willing to take her shopping again, no questions asked, if someone teases her or its no longer working for her.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Overweight girl wearing clothes where her belly sticks out? Yikes, she is going to get it from the other kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Overweight girl wearing clothes where her belly sticks out? Yikes, she is going to get it from the other kids.

So many kids are overweight now though, it isn’t unusual at all and not as stigmatized as it was when you were a teen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now it’s cool for women and girls of all shapes and sizes to wear revealing clothing to sexualize themselves for the male gaze, not just skinny and fit girls. What amazing progress for women!

It’s not cool and the op doesn’t want to be cool. Usually the problem is kids wearing clothes that are not the right size. Make sure that nothing she buys is too small, in other words too tight. My 12 year old is at a middle school in a wealthy town and they don’t wear crop tops or short shorts to school. It’s in bad taste. I don’t understand how so many posters have their kids wearing crop tops and full makeup in middle schools.

What would look really cute on her is cargo pants with a form fitting top. Not tight, just not baggy. And if she wears some of the baggy oversized t-shirts or boyfriend style button down shirts that are long in the back she can wear leggings with that.

I don’t know if you mentioned where she is in terms of puberty and height but the chubby ones at this age almost all seem to grow taller and thin out. It’s just an awkward stage. She needs to find her own styles which can be found in the same stores, just not carbon copies of what everyone else is wearing. Not everything in those stores is too short and too tight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let it be. She’s 12 and will likely grow out of the chubby stage but will forever remember her mom criticizing her body.

There’s no body criticism in telling your child that you don’t want her wearing super short shorts or crop tops that show skin. Skinny. Medium. Larger - they all need to dress better.

[Anonymous]

Subtly get rid of the unflattering and inappropriate things. Help her buy stuff she likes but that fits her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Overweight girl wearing clothes where her belly sticks out? Yikes, she is going to get it from the other kids.

And you thought the only reason the other kids did not like you is because you were fat.

[Anonymous]

Please don't say anything. I was a skinny twig of a girl and my mom still made me feel very self-conscious about what would or wouldn't look good on me. Is that why I have struggled a lot with low self-esteem? Who knows, but sure did not help.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound as if you would be fine with your daughter wearing the same clothes if she had the ideal "twig-like" body. If she's already dressing like her peers and you now give her the message that she needs to stop, all she's going to hear is "my mom thinks I'm fat!" Being 12 is hard enough. Make sure she has the right sizes for the body she has but you can't dress her.