You come in alone and you leave alone. You choose your eternal destination during life. Fortunately for some you can choose in a blink of an eye at the last minute. |
lol As if *you* have the power to put adults in a nursing home or assisted living! Newsflash: you have no power. |
Yes, that is how it has been for me as well. All of my family have wanted someone with them at the end, and it was profound, and beautiful, and peaceful. The exception was my grandfather. He showed all the signs of being about to go, but just… didn’t. After sitting with him for 36 hours, I thought about his solo camping trips when he was a young single man and early in retirement. He would hike or take a horse and go off into the mountains alone for a week or so. It occurred to me that perhaps he wanted to make this final journey alone. I left, and within two hours he died. |
My dad was in hospice for a day only before passing, but the nurse did tell me that frequently they pass when family goes to grab clothes/food/whatever.
My dad passed about 20 minutes after we got back from quickly getting clothing/food (I had been in my work uniform for nearly 24 hrs). Like, if I had taken a shower at home we would have missed it. It was very peaceful though, he was not in any pain and we were there with him. |
Happens more often than you think. A friend has been a real estate agent in NOVA since the 90's and every year he deals with 1 or 2 cases of a lone elder falling, getting ill, or dying in their condo/house. Then he is contacted to help setup the property for sale, usually by children or relatives from elsewhere in the country. |
This was the case for my sister and both parents. Lots of family visiting, but actual deaths occurred when one visitor stepped out for a brief period. |
This is such an odd statement. What could you say, “Don’t plan for another 20, only 5.” Not that their “plan” actually matters to date of death. |
This. Ditto. I do not understand people who claim that others shouldn’t be around. It seems strangely selfish and flat to me. |
One of neighbors died alone in his house. He would go out of town for long stretches of time, so not seeing him around did not raise alarm. We think he was there for about a week or two before somebody called the police. He lived alone. Very sad. |
I just could not emotional stay with my dad as he passed. I am probably a horrible person, but it was just so hard. |
The stories about people dying during the 20 minutes you step away ring so true for me. It's happened in my family and also among my friends with their parents.
I've also heard of families giving the dying person "permission" to die, and death follows soon afterwards. For example, saying "we'll be OK, we've got this, don't worry, we can manage it." In the case of the family I know, one of the kids was struggling and the dad reassured his dying wife he could handle it and that everything would be OK. She died soon after. |
Well, who is getting the comfort from being there for the actual death? Selfish could be a 24/7 vigil even if well intended. Depends on what dying person would want or needs. I should ask my parent about this. |
Very kind. |
They can at least stop pretending this is such a great thing if they live for another 20 years. |
Why do people say this? Your mother is there when you are born. I don’t think of my children as having been born alone - I was there and pretty involved in the process too!! |