Emailing with young counselor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would reach out to him and let him know that you have been made aware of the emails and appreciate that he has not acted inappropriately with DD, but that you will be talking to your DD about it being inappropriate to keep emailing him and for him to not respond to any further emails from her. Then I would have a long talk with my DD about how it is inappropriate to communicate with a guy in his early 20s and that this communication could really get him in trouble if she continues to reach out to him. This all assumes that DD was the instigator of the email relationship and that the counselor really has been short in responding in a way that an adult would understand no further communication is necessary.

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[Anonymous]

There are some crazy responses on this thread with very little info. We need to know more about the short replies. For all we know OP’s kid is going on and on about how much fun she had and how much she loved camp and ends with something like asking the dates for next year and he replies with a one liner with a link to the camp website and tells her to get info there. I made that up but we really don’t know what his replies are saying or if they are inappropriate. He may think he’s trying to be professional, as staff, and doesn’t know better. OP, start with telling your daughter to stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if the young man's intentions are innocent, and he's in this situation because he lacks the skills to get out of it, it's a safety situation. Because the child is learning to expect looseness in the boundaries between adult and child, and so is going to be more susceptible to grooming from someone whose intentions are innocent.

I would start by sending him an email something like this:

Hello Henry,

We are Larla and Larlo Smith, parents to Larlita Smith. It has come to our attention that you have been receiving and replying to emails from our young daughter.

We want you to understand that what you are doing is unsafe. It is unsafe for her, because even if you don't intend to hurt her, you are teaching her that she should feel comfortable with this kind of contact, and puts her at risk that the next young man she reaches out to will do the same. It's also unsafe to you because if a parent were to make a complaint, you could yourself in big trouble.

I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt, and ask you to block my child's email, and the email and phone number of any other children you met at camp. If you email me back assuring me that this is done, I will take that as a sign that you made a mistake and your intentions were innocent. If I don't hear from you, or if my daughter receives another email from you, even one that says goodbye, I will contact the camp and the police.

Thank you for putting my child's safety first.

-- Larla and Larlo Smith

Then I would sit down with your child, let her know that you saw the emails and that he was wrong, and that you have instructed him to stop, and that if an adult ever tries to contact her in this way she should come to you.

Finally, I wouldn't use that camp next year.

Too much. Just tell him to stop emailing your 11 year old daughter and in a few short sentences, explain why it’s inappropriate. Let him know that if it continues, you will alert the camp. Have a conversation with your daughter and tell her the same thing.

[Anonymous]

My Dd (now in college) used to email with a guy who worked at aftercare. He also always got prizes he knew DD would like for competitions the kids had. I met him, met his partner, talked discretely with a couple other parents, and it was all kosher. His emails back to DD were always in response to hers, always just a couple of sentences. The written equivalent of patting her on the head and saying “that’s nice, sounds fun, “ stuff like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are some crazy responses on this thread with very little info. We need to know more about the short replies. For all we know OP’s kid is going on and on about how much fun she had and how much she loved camp and ends with something like asking the dates for next year and he replies with a one liner with a link to the camp website and tells her to get info there. I made that up but we really don’t know what his replies are saying or if they are inappropriate. He may think he’s trying to be professional, as staff, and doesn’t know better. OP, start with telling your daughter to stop.

I could see this for maybe one email. But he has emailed her several times now. Few short lines or not, that is inappropriate and out of line. Plus he is no longer camp staff. Camp is over