Celebrating parents 50th anniversary- sibling planned party without asking

[Anonymous]

At least your sister is planning something. Mine is an adult with a good job, not married, no children, lives 20 minutes from our parents, and our elderly parents coddle her and help her out financially. And when I asked her about planning something for our parents 50th, she acted surprised and suggested I call them and help plan something. I live a flight away, have small children, work full time, am basically “on” all day coordinating work and kids, and do not have the bandwidth to take on planning an anniversary. Help, yes, take full responsibility three time zones away, no. She did not offer to do a single thing. Instead, my parents took her out to dinner with them. 🤷‍♀️ and that was their 50th anniversary.

[Anonymous]

I planned a surprise party for my parents’ 50th. The conversation with my younger brother went like this “Hey, mom and dad have their 50th anniversary next year.” “They do?” “Yes. Would you want to help me throw them a party?” “Yes. Can I just write you a check?” “Ok. I’m thinking at x restaurant, about 50 people, your half should be around $1200.” “Great.” He eventually wanted to consult on the menu and that was all he cared about.

We did not consult our parents, I picked the closest Saturday night when coincidentally we happened to be visiting anyway. Our parents insisted (well our mother, our father loves parties and is always up for a milestone birthday or anniversary of his or anyone else) that we shouldn’t do anything, but my mother has subsequently spent the last 5 years reminiscing about how she wouldn’t have ever had a party herself but was so happy that we gathered everyone together, especially since that ended up being the last time they saw a good number of those friends and families due to the timing of COVID versus the anniversary and subsequently some folks passing away.

[Anonymous]

Are you expected to pay for the party or part of the party? My sister did this but she planned and paid for everything.

[Anonymous]

Yes the sibling(s) should have been contacted, but go with it.

[Anonymous]

I would ask the parents. I personally would hate a party and would want a trip.

I think my in laws would want a party and I’m already dreading it. They know their entire small town and had a big 400 person wedding.

[Anonymous]

How did you resolve this OP. I have some sibling control freaks who want not only to have a party but vow renewal ceremony and it’s likely to cost as much as a wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did you resolve this OP. I have some sibling control freaks who want not only to have a party but vow renewal ceremony and it’s likely to cost as much as a wedding.

I’m not planning any parties but why is a sibling taking charge being a control freak? OP’s parents are old. They are likely in their seventies or eighties. One of their children is planning a party for their anniversary. When would this party be? In the fall or spring? Their anniversary is on a specific date.

Everyone seems so ungrateful and making it about them.

[Anonymous]

Anniversary haiku

golden jubilee
elderly couple
cherish the memories

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not really related to the party, but I would watch out as your parents age, OP.

Sharing elder care with my sibling is going to be bad.

This is a good point OP. If your sister went ahead with making plans that not only involve you but involve your money to me that is a red flag for the future when your parents are older and many other decisions are made. I would NOT be okay with anyone committing me to spend money without consulting me first. That was really awful of your sister to do, and it could be a sign of more to come. Now might be a good opportunity to set some boundaries and ground rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the oldest sister and planned my parents’ 50th with the help of my sisters (who - as an aside - never offered a dime, not even to cover their own meals). We told our parents we wanted to celebrate their 50th with a visit and family dinner. So we all flew to our hometown for a long weekend, did family photos, got dressed for dinner and then surprised our parents with a limo and a private dinner where we recreated details from their wedding - same flowers and cake - and put framed photos from their wedding around the room. At an earlier visit I’d sneakily photographed my mom’s address book and used that to send anniversary announcements to all their friends and family, asking them to send a card to help them celebrate. My mom is an introvert and she said the weekend was absolutely perfect.

My ILs planned a family cruise, but it was cancelled because of Covid so we’re just now rescheduled for later this year. It’s a land trip with family and friends to a foreign country and the flights alone are a bazillion dollars. My MIL is doing all the planning.

It is a little surprising that your sister didn’t talk through the details with you before booking, but my experience with surprising my parents was really positive - but I would not have done that for a big party.

Love this!