College DD wants to bring BF home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sleeping in the same room is a different issue than welcoming a gf into your home.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

When someone says " guys are not as grudge-bearing as girls tend to be about the degree of warmth from in-laws upon first meeting", it translates as misogynistic.

[Anonymous]

and transfers responsibility frim people lacking warmth to person experiencing the chill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When someone says " guys are not as grudge-bearing as girls tend to be about the degree of warmth from in-laws upon first meeting", it translates as misogynistic.

Also untrue! My father was a dick to my husband the first time he met him. My husband has forgiven but not forgotten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He/Him, She/Her, Them/They or It/It?

Why are you switching genders?

I think OP’s son is gay—it’s why OP’s post is illogical (in wording and in substance) and why OP thinks her husband will have issues with the visit.

Oh! That makes sense.

OP has all sorts of issues. Her son seems to be doing great, though, as does his SO.

OP and her husband are about to foul up their relationship with their kid, and fixing it will take years, if it ever happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 23. You don't think an adult is allowed to date and have their SO meet their family, and stay at the family home? With your sort of rationale, there will NEVER be a good time for your kids to show you their girlfriend or boyfriend. Would you rather force your child to choose: what would you do if your kid chooses not to come home because they prefer spending time with their SO somewhere else?

This is the kind of thing you need to talk through with your husband, when he starts grumbling.

Kids should not be allowed to marry at 23.

Science has repeatedly demonstrated people are not adults until age 26.

[Anonymous]

Well, legally or biologically 23 isn't a kid. We can delude ourselves into infantilizing adults but then stop them from joining military, going to wars, getting pregnant, having plastic surgery or sex change operations, running for office, taking loans, buying guns, drinking, voting, investing etc as well.

Prefrontal cortex doesn't end development until 30 in males and degenerative changes begin at same age, also fertility goes down at same age, biology is way more complicated than one talking point.

[Anonymous]

I get that people want to keep their nuclear family exclusive and separated from all in-laws, no matter if they are parents of their spouses or spouses of their children but control issues are no different than enmeshment.

[Anonymous]

There are lots of 23 year old ER/ICU nurses, EMTs, firefighters, hazard specialist, cops, miners, roofers, electricians, crane operators, pilots, bomb disposal experts, phlebotomist, physician assistants etc are working as adults. Should they be fired or intern until 30?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, legally or biologically 23 isn't a kid. We can delude ourselves into infantilizing adults but then stop them from joining military, going to wars, getting pregnant, having plastic surgery or sex change operations, running for office, taking loans, buying guns, drinking, voting, investing etc as well.

Prefrontal cortex doesn't end development until 30 in males and degenerative changes begin at same age, also fertility goes down at same age, biology is way more complicated than one talking point.

26 and under = a juvenile under the law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 23. You don't think an adult is allowed to date and have their SO meet their family, and stay at the family home? With your sort of rationale, there will NEVER be a good time for your kids to show you their girlfriend or boyfriend. Would you rather force your child to choose: what would you do if your kid chooses not to come home because they prefer spending time with their SO somewhere else?

This is the kind of thing you need to talk through with your husband, when he starts grumbling.

Kids should not be allowed to marry at 23.

Science has repeatedly demonstrated people are not adults until age 26.

Depends upon the "kid". Got married at 22. We were both very mature, focused on paying off almost $80K in student loans in 2.5 years (we lived on less than one salary and used the other to pay off loans). Still happily married 30+ years later

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I started dating DH before his senior year of high school. I wasn't warmly welcomed and was treated like a child. 7-15 years later when his siblings brought home girlfriends and boyfriends, they basically rolled out the red carpet and made all their favorite dishes.

You never know who your son will end up marrying, so treat them all well. Who cares that it's your younger child's first time home. Life moves on and soon there will be spouses and other children. It probably won't ever be just the 4 of you ever again.

This is the bottom line. If you don't treat your DC's partner well and that person ends up marrying into your family, they will never, ever forget their first experiences with you. If you have any doubt whatsoever about that, read the Relationships board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 23. You don't think an adult is allowed to date and have their SO meet their family, and stay at the family home? With your sort of rationale, there will NEVER be a good time for your kids to show you their girlfriend or boyfriend. Would you rather force your child to choose: what would you do if your kid chooses not to come home because they prefer spending time with their SO somewhere else?

This is the kind of thing you need to talk through with your husband, when he starts grumbling.

Kids should not be allowed to marry at 23.

Science has repeatedly demonstrated people are not adults until age 26.

You should get right on that with the legislature. Godspeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, legally or biologically 23 isn't a kid. We can delude ourselves into infantilizing adults but then stop them from joining military, going to wars, getting pregnant, having plastic surgery or sex change operations, running for office, taking loans, buying guns, drinking, voting, investing etc as well.

Prefrontal cortex doesn't end development until 30 in males and degenerative changes begin at same age, also fertility goes down at same age, biology is way more complicated than one talking point.

26 and under = a juvenile under the law.

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, legally or biologically 23 isn't a kid. We can delude ourselves into infantilizing adults but then stop them from joining military, going to wars, getting pregnant, having plastic surgery or sex change operations, running for office, taking loans, buying guns, drinking, voting, investing etc as well.

Prefrontal cortex doesn't end development until 30 in males and degenerative changes begin at same age, also fertility goes down at same age, biology is way more complicated than one talking point.

26 and under = a juvenile under the law.

Huh?

DC politics.