College DD wants to bring BF home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Define the "some things we know about her that suggest they may not be compatible" if you really want honest advice.

Girl has personality disorder that makes her promiscuous?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be thankful that your kid found someone and wants you to meet them. Finding a life partner is a better determinator of future health and happiness than career success or almost anything else. Do you wanna be the parent who is difficult when this was on the table and then 10 years from now your kid is still single with no sign of anyone new on the horizon and resenting you for it? Put aside your nostalgia over having your kids all to yourself - be joyful for them that they are actually exploring this key milestone in their lives.

This^. Read relationship and family forums to learn what not to do.

This this this! I started dating my now DH of 25 years while in college. Went to his family for spring break each year (they lived in FL). He came to my family for long weekends since we lived closer.
We had different backgrounds and different religions, and yet we both felt welcomed by the others' families.

And guess what? We still have great relationships with both sides of the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my rising college senior has a new GF we haven't met. She lives near his oos campus so he's spent lots of time with his family and DS is there this summer. They've been dating less than 6 months and he wants to bring her home for Fall Break. My instinct says we need to embrace this as he seems in love with this young woman. There are some things we know about her that suggest they may not be compatible, but we haven't met her so I'm open-minded, and what I think doesn't really matter as I want DS to be happy and loved. I suspect by DH will hate this idea.

So what are the reasons we should get on board. Help me build out the rationale underpinning my instinct that says we need to suck it up and share our time with this person even if we might prefer not to. The only real "reason" I have to object is that younger sibling will be a first year, so this break will be their first college break home, and having an extra house guest probably isn't ideal for them.

I'm confused by your pronouns. Do you have a daughter who is a Lesbian? Or a son who is bringing home his girlfriend? Title and what you wrote are different.

Tell your college kid you would be happy to see the girlfriend. Have a low key barbeque or dinner at your house. Make it no big deal. Your second kid will be fine. How long would she stay and where would she sleep? If you are uncomfortable them sleeping together just let them know now

They are college seniors...the younger kid will be a freshman. IMO, you let them sleep in same room if they want. If you say NO, you will limit how much you are involved in their lives now and possibly in the future.

[Anonymous]

He’s already clappin them cheeks so who cares?

[Anonymous]

He is in his early 20s? And has a girlfriend he loves ? And you don’t want this “random person” to come to your house? You’re going to be begging her for access to her children in 10 years, there is a good chance. Think carefully. Your kid is an adult. His serious girlfriend could be your family in not too long and he’ll choose her over you. In fact if you don’t want her to come, he’ll probably start choosing her over you right now!

[Anonymous]

I’d invite her for just one night at beginning or end of break. Reasons include “protecting” and important break for sibling. They are not married or engaged so there is no reason to fling open the doors and disregard the rest of family.

[Anonymous]

If you say no, he’ll just go to her place or on a long weekend trip with her instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d invite her for just one night at beginning or end of break. Reasons include “protecting” and important break for sibling. They are not married or engaged so there is no reason to fling open the doors and disregard the rest of family.

One weekend would be a better compromise if they are flying or driving long distance, one night would be same as a right out no.

[Anonymous]

When people try to reduce a young couple's relationship into just sex, its disrespectful, that's just one aspect of it. Being away from family in another town and exploring future paths, is stressful and if they find a loving and caring significant other, it has more value than random hookup sex.

[Anonymous]

This woman could become your daughter-in-law one day. Please welcome her with open arms.

[Anonymous]

The boyfriend and girlfriend of my son and daughter, who are both in college have both come here and visited and spent a few days here. And conversely, they have each visited their boyfriend or girlfriend at their house for a few days as well. My advice is just welcome them with open arms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He/Him, She/Her, Them/They or It/It?

Why are you switching genders?

I think OP’s son is gay—it’s why OP’s post is illogical (in wording and in substance) and why OP thinks her husband will have issues with the visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Define the "some things we know about her that suggest they may not be compatible" if you really want honest advice.

+1 This is my only question.

[Anonymous]

Sleeping in the same room is a different issue than welcoming a gf into your home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you say yes, you better be warm and welcoming not cold and judgmental as your post indicates you are. You only have one chance to make an impression on her. If this does go the distance, and she marries him, she will remember how you treated her. Trust me.

If you can’t hack that kind of welcoming environment just say no. Make up any reason you want for your son. Too soon. Not comfortable with it. Whatever.

This.
However if the actual genders are consistent with what you posted on title then it doesn’t matter that much because guys are not as grudge-bearing as girls tend to be about the degree of warmth from in-laws upon first meeting. If it’s your son and his GF then tread lightly.
If it’s your DD and her bc then it probably doesn’t matter that much.